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Real Story

Dark thoughts

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My nickname is Chewy. I go by that. My story is when I was caught with cut marks on my arm.

I used to wear jackets all the time until I got to my room. I was at my mom’s house when she walked in my room, and I was looking at videos about suicide.  Later, when I was in bed asleep after breaking down, my mom found my journal.

Day 1: “I can’t accept this anymore. Being pushed around, seeing too many deaths in this world. My grandmother died and my world crashed. I don’t know what to do. I want to be with her. I don’t want to be separated from her.”

My mom saw that I was keeping my emotions to myself and not letting them out. Anger, sadness, despair, all just came out at the same time.

I got through this by talking to my parents and my girlfriend. My parents told me that even though my grandmother was not here in person, she was still alive because I have memories of her. They told me that I should never do what I did with my arms ever again because it may temporarily rid you of the pain, but it pains them that I did that. Of all things in the world, I did not want anyone to be hurt. My girlfriend, who I call Angel, told me that no matter what in the world I was going through, if I felt any feeling like that all I had to do was grab her hand and we would walk past that together. She told me that I had to be alive to raise our kids.

My message out of all this is don’t let your life be taken out by any of these attempts. Life is precious, not everyone is going to like you but you have people that care about you deeply. With you gone, the world would not be the same.

With my new baby girl, I made it through this. My parents and I are now more social about what goes on in my life. My angel is always holding my hand because we are now walking through everything, not just my problems but everything now.



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