My secret battle with anxiety, OCD and eating
I’m Bekah, and I grew up in a normal two-parent family. We looked like the perfect family down the street, and we were, to an extent. Everyone has their problems though, and it was hard for me, as a child with undiagnosed anxiety problems, to deal with a mother who dealt with her own demons by covering it up, raising a family and keeping herself busy with soccer, coaching and basically being the town’s favorite woman.
I’m not going to lie, my family loves me greatly and always did, but I was just the oddball of the family and the town. I was made fun of all through grade school, and it just all escalated as I suppressed my emotions. High school hit me—a new state, new city, new people—it was scary for someone terrified of people. High school was hard. I dealt with thoughts and plans of suicide, but with the help of caring teachers and counselors, I was able to get diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder and OCD. I finally had something that I could see and deal with.
Things started getting better and then I started college and that brought new roadblocks. I started looking at my friends and looking at myself and seeing how “fat” and “ugly” I was and how I needed to change. So I began to starve myself. The first time I lost 80 pounds, but I was so sick and every relapse after that I was sick.
Fortunately, when I was going through all of this stuff, I had a huge support system in my church. They stood right by me through everything I’ve gone through, always pointing me towards God to get me through. I am happy to say that right now I am healed from my anxiety, and I’m working on overcoming my OCD so that I can live healthy and be able to eat without that unwanted fear. I have a really strong support system behind me and I have God, who is definitely my biggest support, and I know I will overcome. I am truly happy and I know that others can be too as long as they keep up their hard work. Healing doesn’t just come. It takes a lot of work and perseverance and, with that, God will always prevail and bless us.
Through my friends I have finally realized that I am beautiful in their eyes and, more importantly, God’s eyes. I’ve struggled through my entire life and it’s still hard, but with my strong support system behind me I have climbed back to sunlight and you can too. It takes courage to ask for help and I’m glad I did.