I have been attending church since I was 4 years old and was baptized at the age of 8. My family has been very active in church my whole life, and I have served personally on many different committees and even helped lead my youth group my junior and senior year of high school.
However, because of the unhappiness in my life, I started struggling with depression and began cutting at a very early age. I never felt worthy, and I felt as though God had abandoned me, leaving me to deal with my problems on my own. I felt as though I had the weight of the world on my shoulders, constantly trying to please everyone around me, and never being very successful. I felt alone in the world and didn’t realize that Christ was standing there, waiting to help me off my knees.
When I went to college, a secular university, I easily fell into the temptations of college life. My grades never suffered, but I gave into peer pressure because of my longing to fit in with others. However, there was still a hole in my life that I couldn’t figure out how to fill.
It was during my sophomore year of college that I decided there was no reason for me to continue on. Alone in my apartment one night, I tried to take my own life. I was hurting so badly that I didn’t care what people would think or who I would hurt; I was selfish and tried to take the easy way out. When I woke in the middle of the night, I was very sick and called my parents. I refused medical attention because I knew, at that point, God had already decided to spare my life. I knew that God alone spared me.
I would like to say that was my turning point, and that’s when I came to Christ, but I’d be lying. I came home for a year and fought against any personal relationship with God. I quickly because engrossed back in earthly pleasures and didn’t care that I wasn’t getting any satisfaction in them.
Due to circumstances outside of school, I had to leave the university I was attending, so I decided to attend another university. I knew that I needed a change in my life, and God had been working on me for six months prior to my decision to change schools. I have never been happier than I have at this school. I have truly enjoyed the structure and discipline that it gives us as students. I know that God is calling me to give it all to him; he has worked numerous miracles in my life, starting with saving me from my own demons.
I have already noticed changes since I have come to this university, and I’m proud to say that, after battling 10 years of self-harm, I have been freed from them for five months. I just had to allow myself to give it all to Christ, my rock and my savior, before I could truly be happy. I have truly been saved by HIS mercy.