NEED HELP NOW? 1800-448-3000
Real Story

Overcoming my obsessive compulsive disorder

3

Our Stories are written by young people for young people. If you want to share your story, we encourage you to do so in the ReachOut Forums.

My story of living with OCD

My name is Daniel and I am sixteen years of age.
I have a disorder known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

At the end of 2001, a scary and anxiety building compulsion came upon me one day as I woke up. One day I was fine, the next I wasn’t. From the morning that I woke up, I realized that something was different. Whenever I looked at a knife I felt the compulsion to use it to harm someone. Becoming scared and thinking myself to be insane I kept it quiet for the whole day until I could bear it no longer. I went to bed frightened, feeling alone and thinking that I was going insane.

I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone for fear of being locked away in an insane asylum, and for six months I watched my condition become worse. Whenever I looked at anything - especially knives - that could be considered a weapon I felt that compulsion to use it to harm someone else. I thought to myself that I could beat it and that it was just a thing to do with growing up and that it would go away with time. But as time went on, my condition became progressively worse and I began to have small panic attacks if I thought of actually harming someone that I loved. At night, the compulsion was at its worst as I thought I might actually harm somebody while they were asleep without my knowledge. My worst fear at the time was the fact that I would be unable to control myself if ever the condition became too bad. A week before my birthday in July I had finally had enough after a near panic attack and I approached my mother and told her everything against my better
judgment.

To my surprise, my mother was really helpful at this time. She didn’t utterly ignore me or think that I was a freak and kick me out of the house but called our family doctor made an appointment.

The doctor did the best she could to comfort me in this situation but I became more gloomy as I could see the seriousness in her eyes as she called a local psychiatrist. I could barely make eye contact with her.

From the first session with the psychiatrist, I felt better. She didn’t judge me and throw me into an asylum and hurl away the key but was caring and understanding even as I broke down into tears and told her about what was troubling me.

Well it’s coming on a year now and I have seen a marked improvement with my compulsion and I take medication and go to counseling with my psychiatrist but other than that, there is very little evidence of my former self who was scared of harming my friends and family. I now have no compulsions and I have never felt better.

I would suggest to anyone in a similar situation to learn from me and to seek further help if you feel that you are not yourself.

Good Luck!

Comments

Responses

  • avatar2

    Reply - Quote

    girlie

    wow. its crazy to see im nt the only one with a fear of hurting people. I think i have OCD to, and so far the only one i’ve told this to is my mom.but even telling her was awful. i feel so ashamed of what I’m thinking.and if i never get this out of my head, will i actually hurt someone?I’m seeing a psychiatrist too and they are treating me for underactive thyroid, but will that cure the thoughts? i hope so. i hope to God it will. but it’s very hopeful to see you got over your OCD. now if i could just get over mine, that’d be freakin awesome

    • avatar1

      Reply - Quote

      ReachOut

      Hi! Thanks for posting your comment on ReachOut. If you haven’t already, please check out our fact sheet on OCD. You can read about the symptoms, causes and ways to get help for this disorder. We’re glad this story helped you to feel you’re not alone.
      The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

    Reply - Quote

    Thehaafs

    yeah i have a form of OCD too. doctors havent diagnosed it as OCD yet, but I’ve read the symptoms and i have them. It’s funny, but I have the same fear as you do of harming people that i love. I KNOW ill never do it, but there’s always a thought in the back of my head saying that things could change. i could become worse tomorow and actually slip up and do it. The thought used to keep me awake at night. i would go to school the next morning on the verge of a panic attack, and the feeling would last all day. now the symptoms are better. I sleep at night&have no more anxiety, but i still fight the thoughts every day. I think they come from expecting yourself to screw up all the time, and the thoughts are a test to see if you’ll actually do what you most fear. it’s  to see wether or not you can trust yourself to do the right thing. but whatever . it’s nice to hear you got over your OCD. it gives me hope that maybe i can get over mine someday

Commenting has been closed for this entry.