During high school, I was the “good girl,” but I lost that title after I graduated. I got involved with a bad group of friends and smoked weed almost 24/7 and lost my virginity to a guy I barely knew.
When I graduated I was so tired of being “good.” I had been hurt, stepped on, and really never connected with anyone. I found a group of kids who partied, and they partied a lot. I started smoking weed, and made the mistake to smoke with a group of people who I didn’t know and then stay the night. One guy got me very drunk and high and, then proceeded to have sex with me. I barely knew him at all. And I ended up pregnant, but I had no idea. Not until about two-three weeks later when I fell down the stairs and broke my foot, I didn’t know that was the least of my worries. Three days after, I was in the worst pain I have ever been in and got what I thought was my period, but it only lasted a day and a week later I had received my real period. Since I had my false period, I had been crying and just depressed until I had pieced together what had happened. I had lost my baby. I didn’t tell a soul for months. I smoked weed and drank everyday to forget and lost all respect and confidence in myself. I dropped out of school, and really did not do much of anything for a while. I knew my parents were moving, and I had fought them every step of the way until I had an epiphany. I hated who I was. I needed to get out, and everyone knew me as one of those girls. So, I gave in to my parents’ wishes and left my home to find another place where no one knew me. And it hurt.
Honestly, it took time and a lot of it. I tried everything to make myself feel better: alcohol, drugs, and sex. I went out and was never home before 4 a.m. It took me realizing that none of that was working. I was still miserable and getting worse. I had to start over. Make new friends, find a new job, and change how I responded to every situation.
I started drawing again, and wrote a lot. I shared what happened with me with other kids. And I tried my darnedest to make sure none of them had to experience what I did. It actually boosted me back to my old self.
I did community service and met people there. I went to people older and wiser than I was to help me though everything I faced. It took a while, but I’m better than I was originally when I was just a “good girl.” Now I have been there and know what it’s like, and can be there for any person who uses me as a confidant on a deeper level.
Everyone makes mistakes, and has a skeleton or two in their closet. If you met me now, you would have never guessed that I have ever been though anything like this, but if you asked me, I would tell you. You can change who you are and how you are perceived, but you have to want to and go through all the steps to get there. I hope you can do this.
I have faith in you.