My struggle with anxiety, depression, and self-harm
My name is Sara, I’m 16.
A couple months ago I started to feel worse and worse, a deepening sickness throughout me. I pushed it back inside me because I didn’t want help. I was coping with alcoholic parents at home and self-harm to relieve the pain. At the time I thought I was truly alone, the only one around who was dealing with these immense problems through life. I soon learned I needed to reach out for help. I was taking a shower one night as I started sweating, and my heart raced. At the time I thought I was just stressed, but in reality I was having an anxiety attack. I went to bed shaking.
My thoughts started deteriorating, and my mind kept racing. I was pretty sure I was depressed. I had to tell someone, but I couldn’t face going alone to talk to anyone. My friend walked me to school guidance, and I told the counselors I thought I was depressed. From there, I went to my family doctor with my mom and dad. I admitted to self-harm out of guilt and feared being a family disgrace. My parents were shocked but forgiving. I began therapy with my mother’s therapist. My mom had inherited depression from down her family line.
My parents knew about my depression. I turned to dating an older person because he told me nice things other guys wouldn’t tell me. Things like how gorgeous I was. I knew I didn’t love him, but I loved his words. One night I was really depressed, and I was talking to the guy over the internet, my “boyfriend,” as I called him. I told him I wanted to commit suicide. He knew my best friend and how to contact her so he got a hold of her and she got her parents to contact the police.
Through my unfortunate series of events from depression and anxiety, I have learned that maybe today isn’t the best day, but there is always hope. I have learned to distract my anxious thoughts with coping skills. I take medicine for anxiety and depression and am self-harm free. My social anxiety and depression I had stored up all my life finally got the attention they needed. I learned how to cope with my social anxiety and depression in positive ways throughout my hardships.
There is hope for everyone. It may be hard for you to admit to your problems, but when you do, your life will change.