Overcoming heartbreak by becoming who I wanted to be
Hey, my name is Emma.
I come from a divorced and separated household. No one ever told me nor any of my siblings that they loved us. For years I was a drug addict, and also I had way too many relationships. I’m now 14 almost 15, and I’ve been clean and sober for about a year, and I’ve seen and lived through poverty, starvation, and even loss. Who hasn’t? This is only a scratch on the surface of a hard life, but no one said life would be easy, they only said life would be worth it. I’ve learned to smile and love people with all my heart and that is the only thing you have to live for.
I struggled with being sexually abused, abandoned, and drug addictions, and suicidal intentions. I could never really trust until I turned 14. I got used to people dying or just abandoning me. I had a relationship with a guy who I loved, and he slipped a wedding band on my finger and proposed. We were dating for about two years, and we went through everything together. He just always made me smile, and he always showed he cared. We did have a life and future together, and I did miscarry our daughter, and we went through it as a stronger couple. He truly did love me, but he also was an amazing friend to everyone he knew. One night he was shot by one of his friends who was drunk, and I lost the one man I ever loved. Who honestly can relate? I asked myself that everyday and tortured myself by becoming anti-social.
To be honest, when you miscarry and are engaged to someone, you can never forget that… I started to look for a “replacement” for him, and I absolutely knew I couldn’t replace him. So I dated a guy named Dan. He was the best when we first started dating, but then he started to beat me and rape me. Again, I blamed myself, and I know now it was never my fault. We broke up and never truly associated. Then the drugs came into play. I was too deep and attempted suicide numerous times. But I had to quit. I became sober and clean, and I’ve maintained that for one year! The mistakes you make can only make you stronger. People know that life is always worth the living, and sometimes they can’t admit it.
I went to a local youth group. They showed me what I wanted to be, and after I mourned my aunt and my late fiance I knew that I had to change. I became sober and clean and started to become that straight A student that I was. I’m now enrolled in honors courses and making my way to TAMU to graduate with a Doctorate in Equine Veterinary Medicine. God has utterly and completely changed my life. My advice is don’t be afraid to love nor voice your opinion. You’re only wrong when you don’t speak.
Love is never overrated but don’t let it consume you. I’m making it without him and my aunt, but I will never forget nor quit loving them. I’m ok, and each day is a gift that’s why they call it the present.