At the age of 6, I started questioning my sexuality and how I had to cope with it. Even though i didn’t tell anybody about it, I just keep it to myself. I know a mother knows when her child is gay. Mothers just know. All the feelings I had were not just based on girls. They were strongly based on men. I couldn’t lie to myself, but I blocked it out because of what everybody else said.
At first, I didn’t like gay people. I mean I hated them. When I told my mother about it, she told me that you have to love gay people; you can’t hate them. Then, I started to realize this was true in so many ways. So, I stopped hating them and started accepting them for who they were, as PEOPLE, just like me and you. I had never had a girlfriend, and I wasn’t sure if people could see it in me because I did and I didn’t. I guess you can say I choose not to.
When I was about 10, I saw an episode of “The Golden Girls” in which Blanche’s brother Clay had come to visit. I remember that she didn’t know that he was gay. I mean, it shocked me because he kept it to himself for 40 years. That’s a long-ass time. But he felt relieved and better. You know what America, it never fails; people don’t come out until after high school, like I did. I was 20 when I came out, and until this day I have to deal with negative people and their cruelty towards homosexuals. Watching life has made me open my eyes to a lot. I have gotten hurt by a few guys in my past; until now it’s been hard for me to trust them.
Remember, it’s not all about sex. It’s about the love you have for your partner, and as long as you stay close to God and your partner you are going to be okay. Everything will be just fine. Don’t compare yourself to everybody’s homosexuality just because you’re gay. Your flaws are different from others. Don’t let anybody make you feel ashamed about being gay. God loves everybody. We are all God’s children.
Respect your homosexuality, and if people hate on you let them. Nobody can understand you except for God, the partner you are with and yourself. I hate when people judge other people because of their sexuality. It’s not their right or their place. Love your sexuality, and love yourself. Love your personality. I love myself so much for writing this story that I can cry. I want to, but I am going to try not to.
After all the bullshit I have been through with men, I realize that no matter how you act or approach yourself and other people, they are just never going to be satisfied. If people don’t understand you, so what. You understand you. I understand me. I am going to look at the positive instead of the negative. Because with every negative, there is a positive outcome, if you believe and keep the faith. Enjoy life while you can. If you believe that you can find Mr. Right, baby, go for it. But, before you do, make sure you are ready! This is a cruel, mean-ass world we are living in. Whatever you are going through, leave it in God’s hands. Let him help you, and enjoy yourself and your partner. Remember, you own your homosexuality. It doesn’t own you. I hope my story will help someone else down the road. Never let anyone make you feel bad or do anything you don’t want to. This is your life and your sexuality. Live it, enjoy it, love it and make it. Thank you, and God bless. Good day.