My name is Sarah. I’m only 16 years young and a junior in high school. I have major depression, generalized anxiety, a mood disorder, and OCD. I’ve been bullied and called every name in the book. Not just by fellow students at my school, but by my very own sister. I’m bisexual, and I get called out everywhere I go. My own family wouldn’t even accept me. I felt… broken.
In January 2011, I fell into a very deep depression. I attempted suicide in August 2010. I was still being bullied at school, and I wasn’t doing well in any of my classes. I was over at a friend’s house, and I got a text message from the guy that I was supposedly dating/talking to. He was saying all these mean things, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I was crying so hard, and I had a bad anxiety attack. My friends and I decided to drink a little bit. I got buzzed, then went home. It was the weekend, and it was right after exams. I was having trouble with one class, and I knew I didn’t pass it. My sister called me and broke the news to me. I would have to retake the exam. I was already stressed out from that night and getting that news somehow made it worse. I had another anxiety attack.
By then, I just kept quiet. I didn’t let anyone know my emotions. I acted like I simply didn’t care. I was.., numb. By then, I was taking medication from my previous suicide attempt. I OD’d on them. The next thing I know, I’m in a hospital having a seizure. The doctors finally got me to sleep, and I slept for a day and a half. I couldn’t eat. I was so sick. I was in the hospital for two days when the doctors notified me that I’d be sent to an adolescent facility to help me out. Sure enough, I was sent to a hospital. I stayed there almost five days. Some would say that was horrible. To be quite honest it was the best experience I ever had.
After I left the hospital, I started to become happier. Don’t get me wrong. I still had depressing thoughts, but I was getting myself through it. I finally stood up for myself and built up my self-esteem. I’m getting better now, and I have so many friends and family there for me. I finally feel loved and cared about. It’s almost been a year since then. I feel accomplished. I feel like I can do anything. I signed up for the military. I’m going to do what’s best for me and help out my country. I’m getting better.
Rough things happen. Sometimes little things can seem like big things to one person. Sometimes big things might seem like little things to others. But, either way, never back down from asking for help. There’s nothing wrong with it. You have a full life ahead of you. Never make the decision that I did. You’re beautiful in your own little way.