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Real Story

Behind those eyes

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My name’s Addi.I’ve always been the type of annoyingly happy person who always sees everything good. That ended last year. I was a freshman then, I’m a sophomore now. I dont even know how I managed to make it through the year but I did, and I’m even stronger now that I did.

Last year on November 5, 2011 the life I knew ended. I went from being a promising volleyball player to someone who had to be completely dependent on others. I tore a ligament in my ankle slightly and went down a road of six months on crutches. The girl who I was completely dependent on ruined me. She told me I was nothing. The sad part was I believed her. I faked my way through life. I was like a colorful wrapper covering cheap candy. I was cutting daily, crying in the shower, hitting myself. One night, I convinced myself nobody would care if I wasn’t around. I would have done it, but I had a friend I now call an angel. I was basically telling him goodbye and he texted my best friend who urged me to tell my mom. I didn’t want her to hear from anyone but me. Afterward, I worked on getting better every day, I got good at telling myself, “No, you are worth it.” That’s how my days went by, having to tell myself that over and over.

I honestly dont know how I got through it. I counted my days by getting involved with community service and church. I got through it by writing a list of 50 angels. I looked at them every day and knew they were my reasons to live. So when I decided i was finally getting better I knew I had to thank them. Every time I feel sad I write a thank you letter. Little by little, with God’s help I’m saving myself. I still think about hurting myself sometimes when things goes wrong. There’s still days where I curl in a ball crying, but now I know I don’t need to. I know I don’t want to.

If I could tell the girl who put me here anything, it would be, “Thank you.” I’m so much stronger than I was before. I love myself more. She took the light out of my eyes. Lucky for me, it’s back even brighter. There are days that are harder than others, but those are the days I sit down with a blank sheet of paper and write another letter. I’m waiting patiently for the day when I hit letter fifty because that’s when it will truly end. Because that girl who put me here is really my angel. I made it through hell, you can too.

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  • avatar2

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    thelostandthefound

    Addi,
    I’m glad that you have your angel (or angels) that helped you stop selfharming. I’m on the road to recovery, and I was able to relate because I have my savior also (I call her my Sunshine, haha it kinda makes me feel creepy but oh well) who is the reason I’m still alive. I love her with all of my heart.
    Best of luck to you in the future (:

  • avatar2

    Reply - Quote

    little girl

    did your ever tell your parent(s) about it?

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