As long as I was busy I didn’t feel lonely
“I don’t know how you do it!” My friends are always saying. My friend Ash said I’m one of the busiest people she knows. “What do you do in your spare time” people ask? My response “Spare Time… what’s that?”
Chaos, out of control, stressful, busy - they all describe my life. But I love it… I’m happy - most of the time. It’s when I stop that’s the problem.
I used to use work and school as my way of dealing with the things in my life that get me down. I avoid them. I guess the way I saw it, as long as I was busy I didn’t feel lonely. I didn’t have time to worry about my relationship with my parents or with my friends and I didn’t have time to stress out about school. Perfect solution? Not likely!
As soon as the holidays start, and I have more spare time things begin to get overwhelming. Too much time to think about everything that is going on. Thinking can be scary sometimes. But I decided that it wasn’t going to be that way anymore. I don’t want to spend my holidays feeling miserable. I decided I’m going to face up to some of the things that usually get me down. Instead of just sitting around and getting frustrated with my parents I go and write down what is frustrating me and get it out there or talk to a friend about it.
If I’m feeling like I’m alone I ring a friend or go out for a walk. Sometimes it hurts to actually think about the things that are getting me down, but as I start to face up to them, to talk about them with others or write about them I’m beginning to feel like I don’t have to hide behind being busy anymore.
And when I start to stress about how I seem to be drifting from the friends I used to have when I was at school I remind myself that I have made lots of new friends who are really amazing too.
So now when people ask me how my holidays are going I can tell them that they are great and actually be telling the truth, rather than hide behind my excuse of being too tired, or too busy.