Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: how do i know the truth...?

  1. #1
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    3

    how do i know the truth...?

    hey...this is my first time ever posting anything personal of myself on the internet...so here goes...

    I'm a 17 year old guy trying to find what makes him happy again...i haven't had the easiest life, but no one really has honestly...I have friends who love and support me, but whenever i'm alone there's this pain that always consumes me. Just recently i have broken up with a girl who i had literally fallen head over heels for...she was sweet, honest, caring, and had a beautiful heart all around...we had first met on a website and hit it off pretty well, we realized we lived pretty close to one another and starting dating soon after. We would see each other once a week each week for a month, and talk every single day and night on skype. We didn't have conflict we each other, and everyday we would remind each other of much we cared for one another. She had trouble with past emotions with her ex, but we would always try to work through them...i would not give up on her or treat her badly like her last bf did...it isn't who i am. Our relationship went on for one month...then a week later she began acting differently, she didn't want to talk as much anymore...she wouldn't tell me what was on her mind anymore...it progressed to the point that i would stay up until 4-6 in the morning waiting on her to text me back or call...I would walk for miles down my road with headphones in doing everything i could to keep my hope alive...but each passing day that beacon of light inside my chest would decay and slowly destroy me from the inside out. I've only had two actual relationships so far...the longest being two months...and the one before that left me because she said that things were too good to be true...Which broke my heart even more when i was told by my recent Ex the same things...she missed her ex, who was with him for 2 years over the internet...he did a lot to her, most of which she still is recovering from...she has trust issues, and i told her that was it was okay, i understood and we could try and work through them...but it seemed like the more understanding and honest i was the less she seemed to believe me...like she couldn't let herself be with someone who actually loved her...so here we are now...Me lost and lonely trying to figure out what went wrong to begin with...i know that im a teenager, and that Love is a strong word that we all use more then public restrooms( apologies for the terrible ananology), but i dont have these feelings much...so when i talked to her part of my heart felt like it found it's rhythem again. She gave me more of an inescitive to be happy with who i was and follow my dreams wherever they would take me...I couldn't lie to her and say that we would have a perfect life together, but i was more than willing to travel onto whatever path together, whether that path be through a garden of eden or a mile of broken glass...i was willing to take the heart off my sleeve and give it to someone once again...when i finally asked her to tell me that i wasn't what she was looking for, or that i just was not right for her she would say that it would be mean and lie...Each day that were apart like this barely talking it feels like a half of me is missing...and the worst part is that she's talking to the ex who is still manipulating her heart...My friends have told me so many different things...to leave and find someone who deserves me, to try and stay friends with her and let her come to her back when she's ready( to be patient). Ever since we broke up my mind has been in a sublimnial war with my conscious, leaving whatever is left of my emotions to seek refuge behind a mask...This pain refuses to leave, not just because she's gone, but that I don't even know what she really wants...one day she says she loves still loves her ex, but that she still cares deeply for me...i dont want to be the guy she only talks to when her ex isnt treating her right...she says she is confused and doesn't even know what she wants...which gives me hope but perverts it with doubts. I do not know the truth anymore, or how to get honest answers from her anymore. What was our relationship really about? What could have been done to prevent this(could it have even been avoided?) What do I do now with myself...everything that used to make me happy just reminds me of how much we had in common and hurts more...i feel for this girl the first time we hugged...it felt right, and as did our first kiss and she felt the same...but now idk anything anymore...any truths, any feelings or future hopes...im seriously lost...what is the truth...? If you actually took the time to read all of this...your a really amazing person and thank you for caring to listen to another teeangers issues in life...thank you again...

  2. #2
    Administrator Susie_Moderator's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    1,048
    Hi Nalance,

    Yes, I read your whole post, but it's not because I'm an amazing person, as you said, but because you have an amazing gift of being able to share your story so clearly. I'm really sorry that you're going through this right now. I wish I had the perfect words to make it better, but I don't. I only have one word -- wait. Sometimes the best things just need a little time. Give her a little space to work things out. Find separate things that make you happier. And who knows, maybe with a little time, she'll work through things, and your relationship can grow without the outside distractions.

  3. #3
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    3
    Thank you for being so honest and telling me what you could...
    It's been two weeks since she broke up with me, and each day i keep trying to push it further from my mind. Which only tends to cause me to become entrapped within myself...My best friend told me to stop holding it in, let it out, cry, but the tears in my eyes feel dry...I want to let it out so i can take this type of pain, but i don't know how. I try to spend more time with my friends, but i rarely am able to leave the house due to shortage on gas...I live with an adopted family, which are kind to me...but when things become tight on our living situations, which is frequent, staying home is more than not my only option...I wish i were a more patient person, that i could realize that things aren't as difficult as they seem; that maybe things could work out...but even if we did become better again, I'm not aware of how i would know that she really wants to get back together...we would always talk like great friends before and as we were dating...so now that we aren't it is hard to tell for myself. I used to be able to read things very well on my own...to understand what's going on and take one thing at a time, but i'm so stressed right now i can barely even keep my head focused on the simplest tasks, even making a bowl of cereal seems like a struggle between wanting to actually eat it or just letting my face fall in the bowl. This is why i feel so lost. I used to believe in myself, and whatever my heart said I gladly followed. So once this happen i find myself questioning everything, and how much of the truth of anything I really know. My friends continue to ask me for adivce with issues they're dealing with, and instinctivly I do everything I can to help...but in the condition I'm in I feel like i am adding their problems onto mine as well...I care. Too much. I think about everything, i am a dreamer, but as of late the only thoughts i have had are hurting me more...so I just don't sleep as much anymore. That's definently not a good thing, but i can't close my eyes at night, i shake and jitter and lie with my eyes closed but my body refuses sleep...then my friends text me through 1-5 in the morning most nights...it's just a lot...

  4. #4
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    1
    I am, in fact, in the same position as you are in right now. It's really difficult to handle heart break especially when were still teenagers. I'd share my story, but that's not why I'm replying, I'm replying to try and give you some type of hope (even if it's just a little bit). What we need to remember in tough times like these is that someone is out there for us (yes, I know it's difficult to believe that), and someday we will be with that person. They will change our lives in many ways, and fill places in our heart we never knew were there. Love is an amazing feeling, and something no one wants to let go. I know this probably isn't what you want to hear right now, but I'm not sugar coating anything (it's not who I am), maybe it's just time to let go, and take this as a learning experience. We all experience heart break, and all the emotions that come with it, but it doesn't mean we can't learn every time we get our heart broken, every day in itself is a new day to learn and grow as a person. Some of the greatest lessons I've learned (even at a young age) have come from heart break, and stupid boys who haven't treated me right. You are an amazing person for even being able and willing to love someone, and let someone into your life on that level. I find myself incapable of loving people at times. I just want you to know no matter how hard this situation may seem right now, it will get better, it ALWAYS gets better. Someday you'll find someone who won't hurt you , and loves you each day through everything, i promise. I'm not sure if this will help, but I hope it does. Just remember you're an amazing person who deserves to be treated fairly. It will be okay.

  5. #5
    ReachOut Peer Supporter seattledreams-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    1,078
    Hey Nalance! It sounds like you are feeling pretty confused and sad right now. I'm sorry for your break up. I cannot relate personally because I've never been in a relationship, but I can see how hard it can affect someone especially when you had such strong feelings for someone. You seem like a very good and supportive boyfriend, a dream boyfriend that many girls would love to have. It seems like your ex is going through some issues from her past that she can't seem to get over. I know that it sucks because you really liked her, but I don't think stopping your life because of her is the best option. I think when life throws you down, you have to get back up and keep on going. I'm not saying you have to get over her, you can wait for her if that's what your heart truly wants, but I still think you should start going out and having fun. It may be hard not to think about her, but you have to think about your life and your happiness as well.

  6. #6
    ReachOut Peer Supporter talkativeturtle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    941
    hey Nalance sounds like your hurting. I can feel your pain. that analogy about the restroom was actually really funny lol. It might be helpful if you give her space maybe she will realize that once your out of the picture that she needs you. Some girls just need space to figure it out. It might be helpful if you also step back and think about what you want. Hang in there!

  7. #7
    Guru unknownwriter101's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    915
    She is just confused. She will come to her senses and come back to you but you must be patient. I am pretty good with relationship advice so send me a friend request if you need advice on dealing with your emotional pain or anything you wanna talk about.

  8. #8
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    3
    Thank all of you for the advice and the understanding of what's going on...

    It's been a month now and i'm starting to walk on my own feet again. It's still hard to smile, and stay in happy state-of mind, but i manage to find a way to be content. I've started to see more of who my ex really is now that were growing apart...I had begun to see everything between her and I for what it was. I understand i'm not perfect and I can't try to find all my faults to claim evidence for a crime i never commited in the first place...Now, i realize these type of things aren't in my control, and i couldn't help. Is this pain something to be considered out of my control? i believe not, but the doctors may tell me another thing by the end of this month. As a teenager it's not hard to become upset or bummed because nothings going right, but when it staggers for years holding onto you...i guess that's just depression? I Loved this girl because she made me happy, and I could do the same for her. Once she was gone, that empty feeling started to manifest itself in the hole where my heart use to be. I tried everything to patch the gap, but most times the space was too vast and deep to wish to continue doing anything. I love music, and through out my life, it's been the only hand i've known to hold that has never let me go. I would write and sing so strongly before, back when i was sure of what beated in my chest. I still have troubles knowing when someone i care for is lying to me because deep down i always want to believe different, and even now i'm still dancing in this mine-field of a life trying to piece together what i can to prepare myself for the future. I miss the rhythems i use to feel, and the passion that used to burn so intensly inside me...I want to know there's a better on the horizon of tomorrow after the hill of today, but i can never be sure. I tell myself that I do not need a person nor prescribed pills to smile, that the muscles in my cheek can muster the strength to lift their own weight. Yet at the end of each night i'm still up because i can't sleep because of the feeling of being alone enhances every sound wither it be the tick of a clock, or the beat upon my chest. My real mom took a many medications due to the severity of her epilpesy, and ontop of those sedatives where mood-enhancers and stress reducers she NEEDED. I often felt the lash of the blame for a lot her pain by my step-dad...but it was okay, and where i am today i see myself as a reflection of my mother...help-less and un-able to tame the behemoths of what lies inside on our own...I do not wish to believe i'm being stubborn because I do not want to be bound to something that's not gurenteed...My Feelings are strong, and more often then not over-powering. So when i cant even believe in myself anymore, what's left to take the reigns and calm these struggles within...?

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •