Umm... I just want to piece a dream together. I don't have dreams often and when I do I forget them or there some stupid nightmare. But this one was different I had it a day before Christmas Eve and I woke up crying which has never happened in my life. I was so glad it was a dream but I didn't understand it or at least I hated myself or her for what happened in it. It was about my mother or some rode trip. Probably us moving cause I've been thinking about it a lot. I don't remember the beginning just the ending, the bad part.
It went like this. I think we stopped at a gas station or something. I remember there were these guy's I think three separate cars. And it was a dream so some of this doesn't make sense but at least one guy had a low rider type car. They were racing but they for some reason they raced of the packing lot of the gas station down in to like mud. Like they were trucks with big tires but they were all street cars. The low rider got stuck immediately while the other to raced off. He was yelling and cursing. He put it in reverse flue out of the mud and I don't remember but he pissed of my mom some how. Like I think he hit our car or almost hit it. But my mom yells right he yells back and he's like some big Latino guy. I think their was some one else in his car and now he's cursing at my mom.
My gets mad very easily it's something I've had to deal with me entire life it's one of the reasons I hate her. She'd get into fights with people in public, school, everywhere. Her anger isn't just direct at me and my siblings it could be any one. She jus had anger issues and it doesn't take much to set her off.
So now my mom wants to fight not necessarily physically. And some how tow of my uncles show up and my big brother. Their on between my mom and the guy. They get into it arguing with him and his fiend. (I remember this part the best) my mom starts to walk towards them. I know what she's doing I've seen it before. She going to make things worse. The way she moves when she's really pissed and her face I know what comes next. In the past When I use to to look at her once and beg her not fight. I'd beg her to just leave the argument. It never works. But I really don't want to deal with cops so I run up to her and grab her arm and I fuckin beg.
"Don't do this please please don't do this" I don't talk to my mom anymore I try to avoid any contact with her but for some reason in the bream I just have something push me to try. She listens and I led her alway. I don't remember the conversation we had as led her back to the car. She say I'm sorry. Them gun shots a lot of them and they were so loud each one felt like the loudest sound I've ever heard. And I don't think they hit me but each one I felt pain on my side. I just ran as fast as i could up some stirs. Suddenly everything starts to go dime like I'm losing my vision. I'm in so much pain and covered in blood. The gun fire turns into one gun man to a huge gun fight. I peck out from this balcony I took cover in I see the driver with a hand gun I look down the stairs towards where me and my mom where walking and she's just laying there in a pool of blood. I just crying. I find a gun some how I see the guy again. I remember taking of the safety, loading the chamber, both hands expand out firmly like my dad thought me and unloading one shot. Guy falls and all the fighting stops. Let out this yell like I was in pain and it got worse then stopped.
I stumble down to my mom she was covered with holes. Not one bullet hit my but I was bleeding like she is. I fall down on my knees and cry I'm mean like cry hared like it was hurting me. One of my uncles comes over says something and it just makes it worse. I cry "she's dead she's dead I just left her by herself" I keep crying he walks alway and i wake up and I just can't hold it I cry for real
I keep thinking about it and I feel like I still care for my mom but I still hate her. I hate myself most of all I try but I closed up to her and I don't have a relationship with her.