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Thread: My Best Friend Who Is A Homophobe

  1. #1
    ReachOut Regular
    Join Date
    Jun 2015

    My Best Friend Who Is A Homophobe

    Hey everyone, hope you're going well!

    So, I'm still figuring out my sexuality, but all that I can say for certain is that I like at LEAST males and females in a romantic way. Anyways, that's not the problem. I was going to come out to my best friend this past week, who I had been holding off on telling because she's super religious like me. Before I came out, I asked her how she felt about gay marriage, and she said all of these hateful, disrespectful, and rude comments about everyone in the LGBTQIPA+ community. I had decided to stay quite and I haven't talked to her in almost a week because I'm afraid to talk to her. She's my best friend, but I don't know what to do - her hate towards people who aren't cisgender or heterosexual or heteroromantic was so strong that I'm terrified to talk to her.

    Thanks for anything you have to say

  2. #2
    Administrator Susie_Moderator's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Hi Cymbals,

    That sounds really frustrating, to have to hear your friend say things like that. It must have hurt!

    I'd say that the main thing is to figure out how much you really value your friendship with her. You said she's your best friend -- do you see that continuing? It sounds like the two of you may have developed really different life-views, and of course that doesn't mean you can't be friends, but it might mean that your friendship is evolving.

    If you value the friendship, and you are still in the middle of figuring out your sexuality, it might be best to not come out to her yet. It's important for you to have support, but that doesn't necessarily mean that every friend needs to know where you are in the process. It may also be that she is just not quite as far along in coming to terms with all the issues, and may have spoken from a place of ignorance that she really can't help yet. Over time, her feelings and opinions may change, but confronting her with your situation now might feel too soon for her. It sounds like you opened the door a bit to talking about it, and that's good. Keep talking, and it may help her to see things more clearly.

    Regardless of how your friend feels, make sure you're getting the true support that you need!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
    -- Ok2Talk
    -- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
    -- Trevor Project Trevorspace for LGBTQIA youth
    -- ReachOut Australia forums

  3. #3
    ReachOut Peer Supporter Lightoflife9878's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Hey Cymbals,

    I am really sorry that your friend said those hurtful things about our community. It must have been pretty hard to hear.
    I definitely agree with all of what Susie says above, especially that it is important to acknowledge that friendships do change and evolve and that is okay!

    Take the time that you need for yourself and always remember that there are people around to support you just the way that you are.

    Happy holidays!

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