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Thread: My first love, acceptance and Depression

  1. #1
    ReachOut Regular iamnick's Avatar
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    My first love, acceptance and Depression

    Hello,


    Nick here again. 7 days ago i came out to my Godmother as Gay. She is the first person from my family that i came out.
    She was very lovely and told there is nothing wrong etc. I felt happy again after three months since i realised that
    i'm gay. I thought the signs of depress had been eliminated.


    A couple months ago i met a boy (We are both in my school's ). He is very cute.
    We don't talk because he's first grade of Junior High School and I am third. I like him. I like him a lot.
    I don't know if he is Gay too. So the only i can do is just keep my feelings for my own .


    I see my bestfriend with his girlfriend and i feel very bad because i can't go and tell the guy that i like that i love him.
    I don't have any gay friend so i can't talk without censoring my words. Even i have tell my bf that i am gay.
    Usually when i want to talk about my crush, i am censoring myself. He doesn't have any problem with gay people but
    we had an akward conversation about sex and he said me that it is disgusting thinking that i will have sex with a boy.
    I didn't said anything and i instantly changed the conversation to something else. In a nutshell i can't express my feelings to someone that i know and love.


    A routine has been built inside me. Every morning i go to school, every afternoon i came back from school, everytime i look at the sky i feel depressed.
    I want to do something that will make me happy but just in seconds disappears inside my problems. I can't talk to someone without be censored.
    I thought that i can come out to a girl because i probably can express my feelings easier. I have a friend, she is ok with gay people, we had a coversation about that and she said me that she likes Gay guys they have someting.
    What do you believe? It will be a good idea to come out to her. What i can do with the boy that i love? How i can express my feelings to someone?


    Thank you,
    Nick

  2. #2
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hello iamnick,

    I am so happy for you being able to share your true feelings with your Godmother. It must feel really great to have her respond with love, and acceptance. Is she someone that you may feel you can open up and talk about things like your crush, and your feelings?

    Having feelings for someone, when you're not sure if they return them can feel pretty cruddy. It sounds like you really aren't sure about his sexuality either. I can see that you've talked to your best friend about him, but hold back a bit due to some reactions he's had to the more intimate topics. I'm really sorry that you feel like you have to hold back that way.

    When you talk about a routine being built inside you, I can totally understand that. Sometimes it can really help to break through the monotony of that routine by discovering something new. Maybe take a different route when walking, or through the school. Another thing you may find helpful to find some happiness and peace of mind is learning a new skill or talent. Is there something that comes to mind? If I were to ask you what would bring you the most happiness right now, what would you say?

    If you have friends in your life that you feel comfortable coming out with, that's great. There's no pressure! This is all your path and your journey! Just know that we're here for you along the way!



    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factshe...atment-options
    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factshe...t-is-happiness
    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/coming-out
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  3. #3
    ReachOut Regular iamnick's Avatar
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    I think that the thing that will make me happier is just a hug from a friend
    and tell me that everything gonna be alright.

  4. #4
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hello iamnick,

    We've got a lot of hugs to give around here, even if they are only virtual. I think you're absolutely right though, about the hug. Hugs can really make a person feel comforted, supported, and loved. Just know that we're all here for you, and we truly care about you!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
    -- Ok2Talk
    -- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
    -- Trevor Project Trevorspace for LGBTQIA youth
    -- ReachOut Australia forums

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