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Thread: Flashback Breakdown

  1. #1
    ReachOut Regular xSami_Sometimesx's Avatar
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    Flashback Breakdown

    Two days ago I panicked. Normally this would not be an issue because if i freak out, i am usually alone. But this time was different. I broke down in front of my mother.
    It went from simply goofing off to me being cornered telling her to back up, and then suddenly my heart started racing, i couldn't stop shaking and started sobbing.
    I nearly threw up. And i was so pissed off at myself for this.
    She told me, "Yea, you need to talk to someone because that isn't normal"
    I think i started remembering something about what happened with me and my ex. And i freaked out.
    i couldn't think or breathe or move.
    I can't talk to anyone i dont have the money to pay them back for missing the orginial appointment(they usually call and remind me but didnt this time)
    I haven't been right ever since that.
    My mind feels as if it has been stuck in a haze. Yesterday i was listening to music, the voices got distorted, and i started spacing out, everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. I was feeling uneasy, then i started getting frustrated by the knocking and noises in another room. I punched the wall.
    My mind is still foggy and its been two days. i dont know why i haven't snapped out of it.

  2. #2
    Administrator Rachel_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hi Sami,

    It sounds like you've really been struggling. I'm so sorry to hear how hard it's been for you. I'm glad that you came here, though, to reach out for support.

    That must have been hurtful to have your mother react in that way to your pain. You deserve positive, loving encouragement. What about putting the phone number for Your Life Your Voice in your phone, just in case? You can call them any time at 1-800-448-3000.

    How are you feeling tonight? I'm here to listen if you need to talk. We care about you!
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  3. #3
    ReachOut Regular xSami_Sometimesx's Avatar
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    Still in a haze, haven't felt much like myself and have been sleeping a bit. I don't think she meant it in a negative way, just didn't know how to react to it. Which is a normal thing to me, because i never know how to react to myself.
    I want to feel something. Something other than this spacey haze.
    And so far i have nothing

  4. #4
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hello Sami,

    I'm really sorry that you're feeling this way right now. It sounds like you may be processing the emotions the flashback brought up, and having a tough time. Do you feel that you could feel comfortable opening up to your mom and trying to talk through it that way?

    How about watching a movie with some earbuds in (or listening to music), as a way to block out the frustrating noises around you? If writing helps, perhaps start a journey of writing through it all. Something I do sometimes is start writing without a form, or care in the world for grammar or spelling (that can be fixed later if the writing is kept), and it usually just flows so quickly.

    We are all here for you, and we truly care about you! Keep us updated on how you're feeling! Brighter days are on the horizon!
    Last edited by Mandy_Moderator; 12-13-2015 at 09:28 PM.
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  5. #5
    ReachOut Regular xSami_Sometimesx's Avatar
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    I've been listening to music to get through it this band is what i have been listening to mostly i like the chorus to this song

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMwBxZZOh_A

    I don't think talking to her will help me. Every time i mention it people say go to a professional. I'm heading out of town the day after christmas to visit my dad. So i am hoping mentally i chill out some. i dont need him or my future step mom to see me meltdown. I don't enjoy doing that in front of people.

  6. #6
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hello Sami,

    The vocals on that song have a slight feel of the Misfits, with a touch of something I cannot put my finger on. I think it's great that you're able to turn to music (and such a variety of genres) when you need.

    As much as it can be scary to open up and show people how you're feeling, sometimes it can really be helpful, if it's the right person. I've found that in my brother, but that's not to say that I wasn't nervous at first. If you feel the emotions start to overwhelm you while you're visiting your dad and step-mom, it may help to keep your journal handy, as well as some music.

    If you haven't saved the number or other contact options for the helpline Your Life Your Voice, now may be a good time to do that, so if you'd like to talk with someone while you're visiting, you can do that too! The number to call is 1-800-448-3000, and to find out about the other options, as well as the links for the online chat, and email, you can visit their page through THIS LINK.

    Stay strong, stay hopeful, and remember that we're all here for you!

    What kind of traditions do you and your dad have for Christmas?
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

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  7. #7
    ReachOut Regular xSami_Sometimesx's Avatar
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    Yea haha horror punk stuff is another genre that i like
    I don't know anyone that i can talk to about that stuff. There isn't anybody that really relates to that situation they just get mad.

    This is the first time i've really visited my dad since i was 16 so we don't really have a tradition. I'm not really sure what's gonna happen haha

  8. #8
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hello Sami,

    I love a lot of genres as well! It really depends on my mood, or what I'm trying to channel! I think it's great to keep an open mind about music and art, and really, just anything!

    I'm sorry that you don't have anybody you can freely talk with in your life. It must be so upsetting when they get mad at you. How about calling the helpline Your Life Your Voice (1-800-448-3000)? We mention them a bit, because we think they're so helpful! No pressure, but I always want to make sure you have the number handy. We are about you!

    If you don't have any set traditions yet, how about starting one? It could be anything from having an ornament exchange, or baking a certain kind of cookie to doing something elaborate (and time consuming) like putting a gingerbread house together! I hope it's a really great time for you, and you can enjoy all of the wonderful things the holiday season holds!

    We're here for you!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

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  9. #9
    ReachOut Regular xSami_Sometimesx's Avatar
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    I guess it could always be worse in a sense.
    I don't really make up tradition things because I don't ever know how long it will be until i see him again. It never was a consistent thing. Could be months, could be a few years, its not really set in stone i guess
    And thanks (:

  10. #10
    Administrator Rachel_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hi Sami,

    It sounds like this holiday will be an exciting one for you to be visiting your dad. It's totally understandable that there would be some uncertainty as well.

    Holiday traditions don't have to be elaborate or stressful. What about sharing one thing with each other that you're grateful for? That might be a way to focus on positive things during the holidays and possibly begin a good conversation too.

    I hope you and your dad have a wonderful holiday season this year. Lots of cookies and fun!

    Thanks for letting us know how you're doing! We're here for you, and we care about you.
    Last edited by Rachel_Moderator; 12-16-2015 at 06:27 AM.
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  11. #11
    ReachOut Regular xSami_Sometimesx's Avatar
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    Thanks (: Hopefully it goes well

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