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Thread: My Ex-boyfriend's dad passed away.

  1. #1
    Newbie Reediddy's Avatar
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    My Ex-boyfriend's dad passed away.

    I hurt for him so bad and I'm so worried about him and what makes this worse is that he and his dad were on bad terms.

    I don't know the whole story between Chris and his dad. He never really told me anything about his dad other than the fact that his dad left his mom for some girl that's a year older than Chris and they had a son. I know that his dad was a hardcore pill popper. And something that his mom told me messed me up so I know without a doubt it messed Chris up. When Chris was a teenager they sent him to a Mormon boarding school and he was back home for like spring break or summer break or something like that and his dad was like "Kati, I want a fucking divorce." And she asked him why and he goes "It's okay when it's just me and you, but when that little fucker is around, I can't stand it." and Chris heard all of that and my heart broke for him. And every time he's tried to reach to his dad, he's been shot down and cast aside. I mean his dad wasn't even there when he was born. However, his dad was in ICU like twice in a year. Chris went the first time around and really tried to be there for his dad and then the second time around, Chris didn't go because he figured what's the point?

    But he called me crying today letting me know that his dad died this morning. And I've never been so worried or concerned about someone. Because I know somewhere deep down inside Chris still loved his dad. That's why he picked up the phone and made trips to go see that sorry piece of shit. That's why he cried. And I wish that I could make it better for him. Because it doesn't matter if he broke up with me or not, I still love him and I still care about him and I hate this for him. His bullshit is still my bullshit. And no matter how many times we fought or fight, no matter how many times either one of us says something messed up, no matter how many times I walk out the door, no matter how many times life throws crazy shit in our direction, I don't want to see him in pain. I hate it when he cries. Because no matter how many times I'm like "You're an asshole." I can't turn my back on him. And I don't understand how a great person like Chris has been treated the way he has, why he's had to deal with half the shit he's gone through. I wish I could snap my fingers and everything be perfect. I wish that he'd had a better dad. I wish that his dad would've had a better relationship with him. Because his dad missed out on Chris's stupid jokes that make me laugh until I'm sure I have washboard abs. He missed out on how much of a caring person Chris really is. He missed out on epic conversations about life and where it takes us with Chris. He missed out seeing the man that Chris became despite him not being there. And it makes my heart hurt in ways I didn't know it could.

    I just want to hug Chris and hold his hand and just sit there with him. I just want him to know that he's not alone and as far as I'm concerned he'll never be alone. I just want him to know that despite his temper and the way he handles things, I accept him and I never want him to change unless it's to become an even better version of himself. I want him to be successful. I want him to look in the mirror and see what I see. I want him to feel so much love that he believes it could fix anything. I've tapped hardcore into my religion and I've just been praying over and over and over again "Please God, be with him. He needs you right now. Help him work through and understand his pain. When he cries, catch his tears. When he laughs, fill his soul with it. And be his guiding hand where he can't see. Please, God. PLEASE." And all I can do right now is pray and wait. I've let him know that I'm here for him and I'm not going anywhere. I've vowed to give him his space and let him grieve. Because I know this is one of the hardest things he'll ever have to do. And I wish I could be there with him and just take the pain for him, but I know I can't.

    Just keep him in your thoughts.

  2. #2
    Administrator Rachel_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hi Reediddy,

    I'm so, so sorry to hear about the death of your ex-boyfriend's dad. Dealing with any loss can be so difficult, but it sounds like there are many complicated emotions that both Chris and you are experiencing right now. I'm glad that you came here tonight to reach out for support, prayers, and thoughts for Chris.

    I can hear how much you care about Chris and what he's going through. The feelings you have for him and the desire you have to help him come through in your writing. You are a good friend to support him while he's going through the grief process.

    It sounds like he has gone through a lot with his father and their very difficult relationship. Too, the holidays can make grief especially intense. I am glad that he has someone like you to talk to for support during this time.

    This is a lot to deal with. How are you doing? Do you have someone to talk to about everything? If you need someone at any time, you can always call Your Life Your Voice at 1-800-448-3000. You can also contact them via text, email, or chat. You can find out more by clicking here.

    Let us know how you and Chris are doing. He will definitely be in my thoughts tonight. We're here for you when you want to talk, and we care about you.
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  3. #3
    Newbie Reediddy's Avatar
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    I'm fine. I never met his dad. I've never even seen a picture of him. But, regardless, he was Chris's dad. And even if they did have a tumultuous relationship, you can't tell me that you just write your parents off and don't love them. And I know that Chris likes to drink and I'm worried that he'll pick up drinking in this time and I don't want him to do that. He has a tendency to bury his feelings and not deal with them, but I know that I have to keep the faith and trust that he won't do something drastic.

    He broke up with me about a month ago, and I guess I'm okay in that regard. We didn't end things on a bad note, but it still hurt and I still cried. He reached out to me a few weeks ago and asked me out to dinner and movies and to just hang out and be friends. So, I agreed to that. He calls me every few days just to talk and chat. He recently brought up the fact that he wants to work back to a relationship. I'm all for that, but I know that jumping back into a relationship wouldn't really be beneficial to either one of us. That, and he can't make up his mind. It goes from wanting to be in a relationship, to not wanting labels and just having fun, to not wanting the commitment, to one day let's be in a relationship again. So, I'm keeping my guard up.

    He recently started a new job, one that is very demanding of his time, but is so much more healthier and better than his last job. His last job was a trainwreck. I just worry that he won't deal with his emotions and the grieving process and not mess up this job, but maybe not perform his absolute best. Part of the reasons he broke up with me was because he wanted to focus on his career. I just worry that he won't go through a natural process and deal with everything that's been happening.

    He was in a car accident a few months ago, and he's still dealing with the stress from that. He told me that he's looking into therapy and I really hope he is. Because I really want him to be healthier in every aspect that a person can be healthy.

  4. #4
    Administrator Rachel_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hi Reediddy,

    It's understandable why you would be concerned about Chris and his possibly drinking again. It sounds like you are doing everything you can, though, to support him during this time while remaining respectful of his needs.

    It seems like you two have been through a lot together and care about each other. It can be difficult emotionally to break up even if it's on good terms. I've been through something similar, and I know it can be tough.

    I'm glad to hear about his new job and possible therapy. It sounds like he is making some changes in his life that are positive, but I can see where the demands on his time might be a concern right now.

    Stay strong! We are here for you!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
    -- Ok2Talk
    -- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
    -- Trevor Project Trevorspace for LGBTQIA youth
    -- ReachOut Australia forums

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