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Thread: I just don't feel myself anymore.

  1. #1
    Newbie Ren0928's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015

    I just don't feel myself anymore.

    Hey guys,
    I haven't been on in a really long time again and it's because I've been so busy with work and school and trying to plan our wedding that is now only two months away. I haven't had much time to myself.
    Lately, I've just been stuck in this horrible state of mind. I guess I just don't feel like I belong anywhere; I find myself thinking that people would be happier if I just stopped trying to help out or if I just went mute and didn't bother anyone at all. It's so silly, but I honestly feel that if I was a cartoon character, I would have that rain cloud over my head that never fails to follow you wherever you go.
    I can't keep up with the wedding planning and I KNOW it's supposed to be stressful, but it's more than just that for me. It's making me more insecure. I feel the need to continuously ask myself why he even wants to marry me, what do I really have to offer, and what if I don't make the perfect wife?
    Apart from that, the last post I made a while back mentioned that I took over a new position at work and I was super excited about it. Well, it's been a few months and I made it threw black Friday, but I'm not really enjoying it. I miss working the phones and being around my friends. So, they just reposted the old position internally and I applied for it. I figured that, you know, I branched out and did something else that I've never done before. I really gave it my all, but it just wasn't for me and I don't go to work or leave work in a good mood anymore. However, my current manager has started coming up with random reasons to try to almost "talk down" about me to the other managers (which unfortunately have changed since the last time I was up there) and they really seem to be taking his word for it. I deserve to be happy at work, don't I? He's upset because I work really hard and our numbers have honestly gone threw the roof since I started back there, but it shouldn't depend on me to do well. I should be able to work where I'm comfortable and not be held back by someone else's insecurities, right? I want to grow with the company and not be held into one spot because I'm "good" at it. It makes me feel... trapped, maybe. I feel like I'm not as appreciated or valued as the other employees because I'm not having a fair choice, and it really hurts my feelings that someone would go out of their way to purposely bash me in the eyes of other managers to attempt to ruin something that would be positive for me. I don't want to just quit, I really love the company, I'm just stuck and I don't know what to do.
    On top of all of that, I have this annoying anger thing going on lately too. Everything seems to irritate me and it's so frustrating. Things that I do are even starting to make me mad. Before, I was the big baby that would cry every time she got mad, but now it's so different. I tense up and it's just pure anger. I don't feel like I'm an angry person and I don't really know what it's stemming from, which irritates me even more.
    I guess I just need some positive vibes sent my way, if possible. I just don't want to feel so alone and useless. I want to feel like I matter more than just as a place holder.
    Sorry this is so long; I just really needed to rant.

  2. #2
    Administrator Rachel_Moderator's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Hi Ren0928,

    It sounds like you have been going through a lot with everything going on in your life. I can see that you're struggling, and I'm sorry for that. I'm glad that you came here to share your feelings and get support, though.

    It seems like so much is changing in your life, and that must be stressful for you. Do you have someone to talk to about how you're feeling? Maybe a close friend or family member? Sometimes being able to talk with someone can help you sort through your feelings and get a different perspective on things.

    I can understand the feelings and insecurity about marriage. It is a big step! Have you been able to talk about your feelings with your partner?

    Workplace issues can be difficult. I've experienced something similar, and I know how hard it can be. Yes, you deserve to be happy and fulfilled in your work. You are a hard-working and intelligent person, and any company would be lucky to have you! What do you think could help you feel better about this situation?

    With so much going on in your life right now, do you have any ways to relax and express your feelings?

    Let us know how things go. We're here for you when you want to talk!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
    -- Ok2Talk
    -- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
    -- Trevor Project Trevorspace for LGBTQIA youth
    -- ReachOut Australia forums

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