Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Panic after Almost Relationship Ended

  1. #1
    Newbie whoiaminside's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    22

    Unhappy Panic after Almost Relationship Ended

    I really need help here.

    So I'm abroad for a semester, and for the mos part it has been pretty good. Over the course of the semester though, I have had a 'thing' with a guy. Since I'm leaving we are in no way exclusive, and I didn't even go very far with him because of my morals. The difference in dating cultures left me really confused. Anyway things have been slowing down between us. That could be for a multitude of reasons: he has a lot of exams, I'm leaving soon, etc. I'm fine with it ending because in all honesty the whole thing doesn't make me feel very good. I can't tell if he likes me half the time and when he takes a long time to respond (which has been longer lately) I get really anxious. I was just so stuck on him and the good memories I couldn't bring myself to stop pursuing it, so maybe it's good he's breaking it off.

    The thing is how it's ending. I've told him to just say he doesn't like me and I'd rather that and be friendly than be in this weird place, but he won't say it. Lately I've been drinking more and more of a lightweight, and after a few drinks I have no filter whatsoever, so when I've seen him out I've been saying stupid things or repetitively asking for reassurance. He is big into being "one of the guys" so out is not the best place to have this conversation. Last night out he told me we would meet up on Friday, and that he meant it (even though he was drunker than me). So early evening today I messaged "So... Friday?" and over 6 hours has passed with no response and he has been online a lot sense. I feel embarrassed. Like this rejection means I am unlovable. I know that's not the case. I know ending was inevitable. But it was important to me that it was on good terms. It was important to me that I was liked.

    I know that the good times were good and we mutually liked each other for a time, and I can appreciate those times being ready for it to end. And him distancing himself could very well mean he still likes me as a person, but doesn't want a relationship (which he was up front about). Yet I feel like I'm going to throw up. Like I am on the verge of an anxiety attack. Like there is something wrong with me. Sure I could have more tact, but everyone has their faults and I have plenty of redeeming qualities. I just feel worthless, rejected, embarrassed, and ashamed. Above all I feel embarrassed. I've always put my heart out there so its no surprise I did here, but I feel so utterly rejected. If you've heard A Fine Frenzy's "Almost Lover" that fits perfectly. Please help me. How do I get over this. I want to leave this place remembering all the good times not let one sour situation ruin it. I would also like to feel less nauseous.

  2. #2
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    3,806
    Hello whoiaminside,

    Although you know that the end of this relationship is inevitable, it sounds you're having a tough time. Break ups are rough, and I'm really sorry for what you're going through. Some people are able to maintain a friendship after a relationship has ended, but for various reasons, others cannot. The lack of texts coming from him don't dictate your worth. Like you said, you know that's not the case, but hey, it's totally understandable that you'd be feeling cruddy.

    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factshe...ugh-a-break-up
    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factshe...s-and-symptoms

    Nice song reference, I really like A Fine Frenzy. Do you find that music is something that helps you when you're feeling down? Other things that may help you find a place of peace within are meditation, yoga, writing, taking walks, working on a hobby (baking,art,crafting,scrapbooking...) You mentioned wanting to leave your current place with good memories, so how about writing about the good times, or making a memory page with pictures and little blurbs about the good times you've had while there? Talking with someone in your life can be so helpful as well. Maybe it's a trusted friend or a family member that comes to mind, but talk it out and try not to hold it in.

    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factshe...meone-can-help
    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factshe...ing-strategies

    We're all here for you, and we really care about you! Brighter days are on the horizon!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
    -- Ok2Talk
    -- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
    -- Trevor Project Trevorspace for LGBTQIA youth
    -- ReachOut Australia forums

  3. #3
    Newbie whoiaminside's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    22
    Knowing I'm a good person anyway doesn't make me necessarily feel any less worthless.

  4. #4
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    3,806
    Hello whoiaminside,

    I'm really sorry for how you're feeling right now. Rejection definitely hurts. It may not feel like it right at this very moment, but it does get better.

    We're all here for you!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
    -- Ok2Talk
    -- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
    -- Trevor Project Trevorspace for LGBTQIA youth
    -- ReachOut Australia forums

  5. #5
    Newbie whoiaminside's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    22
    It's also the embarrassment of the things I've said while drunk. Everything happens for a reason so perhaps this is a good wake up call to stop drinking so much. But I feel so ashamed. Like in front of his friends I'd ask to go home with him or kiss him. I feel awful. But no current sourness can take away from the good times. And letting it go is the best way to show that I am not some crazy clingy American. Yet I just feel so embarrassed. Like it gives me extreme anxiety. I know that no one is perfect and every one does things they are not proud of. But it's killing me anyway.

  6. #6
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    3,806
    Hello whoiaminside,

    Sure, everything happens for a reason and sometimes we don’t know why, but it sounds like you are seeing this as a wake-up call. That tells me that you’ve got a good way of viewing life, and you know yourself well.

    The feelings of embarrassment will eventually go away, and at some point it won’t bother you, but that’s not why you’re here. You’re here because you need to talk about what it feels like right now, and because you’re working through it all. I can think of a couple of times where I have done something really similar to you, except it was over the phone, but his friends were still all there listening (thanks speakerphone), and I said some pretty embarrassing things to my ex-boyfriend. I didn’t start to process just exactly what I had said until the next morning of course, and once I did, I felt pretty much the way you’re feeling right now. I wasn’t able to actually look at him when I saw him for quite some time, but since then, we have talked and have managed to put all of that in the past.

    It can help work through some of those feelings of embarrassment, and anxiety by writing it out, be it in a journal, through poetry or another form of creative writing. You may even want to write out a specific thought you have in regards to it, and then crumple it up and toss it in the bin. Talking with a trusted friend or family member is another way to help with the anxious feelings. Of course you can always talk with us here as well.

    I’m include a couple of additional fact sheets that I think you’ll benefit from reading.
    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/anxiety
    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factshe...tive-self-talk

    Be kind to yourself, and allow that time to work through this. We’re all here for you! Hang in there, it gets better!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
    -- Ok2Talk
    -- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
    -- Trevor Project Trevorspace for LGBTQIA youth
    -- ReachOut Australia forums

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •