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Thread: Hello

  1. #1
    ReachOut Regular lizard's Avatar
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    Hello

    I guess I was looking for a safe place to talk to others who share similar thoughts. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder almost a year ago, only reason I went was because my then boyfriend was really worried and begged me to speak to a therapist.
    August of last year my ex boyfriend's mom passed away and it shook up my entire world, this was a woman who I loved in every sense of the way. Fast forward to December, I was excited to start Spring semester for my sophomore year in college when my dad told me he was not paying my tuition days before the deadline to enroll.
    I got help I had a great therapist and was even seeing a psychiatrist to be put on medication for depression and anxiety. Things got better within a short span of time, I even got 2 new jobs and it seemed to be going great, but around that time in March things took a turn for the worse in my love life. I was told by the love of my life that he was tired of me and that I really didn't care for him when all I had ever done was love and support him through high school, a long distance relationship and his mom passing away.
    Fortunately it wasn't the end of the world for me, I learned from it and tried my best to move on, it still kinda hurts but people have the right to breakup with you and not want you in their life, it sucks! However, now that we're in holiday season my depression is coming back with a vengeance, I miss him more than ever and he's home from school but the last thing he ever said to me was to leave him alone for good some months ago. I don't know what to do. He was the only one I felt a connection to and I can't go through another year of therapy and medication. I feel awful

  2. #2
    Administrator Rachel_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hi lizard,

    Welcome to ReachOut!

    I'm so sorry to hear how hard it's been for you. You have been through a lot of very difficult experiences, but I am so glad that you decided to reach out for support tonight.

    Reading your post, I can tell just how caring you are. I also see strength and hope as well.

    Holidays can be tough for anyone, but especially so when dealing with loss and a break up. Are you able to talk about what you're going through with your therapist?

    Do you think you would feel better if you talked with your ex-boyfriend?

    Stay strong! We're all here for you when you want to talk, and we care about you!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
    -- Ok2Talk
    -- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
    -- Trevor Project Trevorspace for LGBTQIA youth
    -- ReachOut Australia forums

  3. #3
    ReachOut Regular lizard's Avatar
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    The last time I had a session was in June, I did reach out to her and mentioned that the suicidal thoughts were back and I was having crying spells again. She suggested going back to see her, as well as seeking psychiatric help for a new prescription.
    In all honesty I don't think I'd really want to speak to my ex-boyfriend because it's not fair for both of us to be dragged back in. I wish I just knew the truth about why he broke it off, I never got any closure, it wasn't as if we were fighting. One day he just texted me that he was tired of me and that I deserved better and to never talk to him again. It hurts, it still hurts, but that's life.

    The only thing that really gets to me is the fact that I don't have any explanation for why I feel the way I do. I'm feeling worthless and as if I was someone who could be easily forgotten. I just want this to end because i'm in so much emotional pain and I'm torn between wanting to fix it or just letting it take complete control over me.

  4. #4
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hello lizard,

    It sounds like you've been struggling to find an explanation for the way you've been feeling, and have been through so much. I'm really so sorry for that, and I want you to know that you are not alone. We're all here for you!

    I can see that you reached out to your therapist, and she suggested some more sessions as well as seeking a psychiatrist. How are you feeling about that? Is that something you'd consider?

    It can be helpful to have someone that you trust with whom you can talk. Maybe a family member, or trusted friend. Something else you can do is find ways to cope with these feelings. Things like taking walks, journaling, listening to music, working on arts/crafts, puzzles, or something like meditation or yoga can be really helpful coping strategies.

    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factshe...ing-strategies

    Another thing that you can do any time is to call the helpline Your Life Your Voice at 1-800-448-3000. That number is free to call, confidential, and secure. They are available to talk 24 hours a day/7 days a week, and so helpful! You can find out more about the helpline and other ways to contact them by visiting their page via THIS link. I hope you'll consider calling them! You can even save that number to keep it handy if you'd like.

    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factshe...-end-your-life
    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factshe...meone-can-help

    Stay strong! Brighter days are on the horizon for you!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
    -- Ok2Talk
    -- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
    -- Trevor Project Trevorspace for LGBTQIA youth
    -- ReachOut Australia forums

  5. #5
    ReachOut Regular lizard's Avatar
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    I'm working up the nerve to actually reply to my therapist and make that appointment, I could really use her help. I'm just not ready for another year of therapy and pills, I don't like being dependent on it. I did talk to a close friend who is also living with depression, unfortunately she lives in a different state and its hard for me to travel up there because of work. We discussed how I was feeling and she made me feel a bit better.
    She also suggested going to the hospital for added measure because she didn't want me to hurt myself, I won't lie and say I didn't think about it before I decided to reach out to her tonight. It's just so hard trying to cope with this all over again after I had been doing so well. I was so happy about my job since I had gotten a promotion and I had even started seeing someone new. I ended the relationship however because I started noticing the symptoms of depression coming back and I can't involve another person.

    It's getting more and more difficult telling people that I'm doing okay or that I'm happy. I don't know if it's all worth it in the end.

  6. #6
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hello lizard,

    I'm glad that you have someone in your life that you can talk with and that it made you feel a bit better. Living in another state can be so tough, but thank goodness for technology! The holidays can be such a tough time when you're experiencing struggles. I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. It may feel like it, but this darkness will fade, and pass. Allow your heart that time to heal. I believe that you can get through this!

    If you don't know if it's all worth it to find your happiness and joy again, how about writing a list of things that make you happy. It can be anything from the way the sunshine looks at 3pm coming through the window, or the way your favorite song sounds. When you need a reminder, take a look at that list and remember that it's worth it. You are worth it!

    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factshe...s-and-symptoms
    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factshe...atment-options
    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/mindfulness

    We're all here for you, and we really care!
    Last edited by Mandy_Moderator; 11-29-2015 at 09:10 PM.
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
    -- Ok2Talk
    -- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
    -- Trevor Project Trevorspace for LGBTQIA youth
    -- ReachOut Australia forums

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