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  1. #1
    ReachOut Regular xSami_Sometimesx's Avatar
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    ...

    Silent nights. I need my friend.
    I am drowning in my insecurities again.
    Tonight is quiet. Nothing but the sound of my thoughts racing.
    No music. No voices. No sound indicating people trying to speak to me. Nothing.
    I am lying in the dark writing for who knows what reason.

    People say things sometimes, that, no matter the age, they strike a nerve. Some things can be good things, but other things, anger you to the point that you end up causing slight damage to something and bruising yourself in the process. (acting on emotion-not always a good thing). Stress and anger are two things that do not mix well. Add trying to cope with insanity in your life and you pretty much have a cocktail hell-bent on screwing your day up.

    Am I wrong for being pissed off about the obvious things that were pointed out are pretty well true? I would think I was not in the wrong, but apparently I am.
    I am wrong for feeling anything.
    feeling is for people that know how to control it.
    I cannot. I get attached to easily, I feel fear deeply, I feel anger more than I should, I cry more than I should and I possibly disconnect from the world more than I should. (But hey, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that the world is pretty screwed up, right?)

    What do I know about anything anyway?
    I am wrong about many things and the things I am usually correct about do not amount to anything.

    I like to think of myself as a selfless person. I would much rather do for others than I would myself, I would rather help other people. Cheer others up. Help them. I care more about other people than I do myself.

    I could manage that pretty well when I was younger but now the more I think about it, the more I hate what I see in the mirror because deep down I know something is going on in my mind but I have pushed it back for so long that I don’t know what it is. And everything just built up. One issue on top of another and eventually it just coagulated and formed a little ball of torture on my sanity.

    Some days it comes out. Some days I can keep it in.

    I don’t know what today is.
    Maybe if I am lucky I won’t ever feel like this again.


    I gotta figure this out somehow

  2. #2
    Administrator Rachel_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hi Sami,

    It sounds like you're struggling tonight. I'm so sorry to hear how hard it's been for you.

    I hear you, and I'm listening. Your writing is so full of emotion and depth, and I can see how much you care about others and how thoughtful you are.

    I'm glad that you are expressing your feelings here. Your perceptions and thoughts and feelings are valuable and needed in this world.

    What do you think would help you feel better?

    We're here for you when you need to talk, and we care about you.
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

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  3. #3
    ReachOut Regular xSami_Sometimesx's Avatar
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    I'm not sure. I get like that sometimes. After i wrote it out, i went from being depressed to not feeling anything at all then it felt as if everything was moving in slow motion and i was sad again.
    I feel like if i tell people how i feel it bothers them and i'd rather not be a bother

  4. #4
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hello Sami,

    You are never ever a bother. If you have something that you'd like to talk about, there are people who can and want to listen! You can come here and talk with us, or call the helpline Your Life Your Voice (1-800-448-3000) if you can't think of a trusted friend or family member at that moment. No matter what, you are not alone!



    It sounds like you started by writing, and got those feelings out, and then cycled through a couple of other emotions back to feeling sad. I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way right now. After writing, if you still feel low, how about listening to an uplifting song, going for a walk, or maybe picking up a good book or turning on a good video/tv show/movie?

    We're all here for you!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

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  5. #5
    ReachOut Regular xSami_Sometimesx's Avatar
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    Somehow, the two times i have spoken to them, i don't feel much like it had helped. The long and the short of it is that in the end they always say "see a psychologist" or something. I am not putting them down by any means, but there are some stipulations that are preventing me from doing that at the moment, so there isn't a whole lot that I can do with that little suggestion.
    I wasn't sure what was going on when I wrote that. My mind blanked out for a bit and then I was just, back. I was back to being me, in my mind, in that train of thought that won't go away, just back to not feeling much of anything.
    Music helped take my mind off of it but i still felt empty.
    It's always when the evening and night when it hits the hardest. I don't feel anything during the day minus anger and the occasional "okay" feeling. I'm not sure what else to do about it.

  6. #6
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hello Sami,

    I'm really so sorry that you're feeling this way. The evening and night hours can be some of the quietest, which can sometimes lead to the thoughts being the loudest. Bedtime tea, meditation, and light yoga stretches can sometimes help with feeling a bit of peace. However, I know meditation isn't really for everybody.

    What do you feel could help you feel a bit better tonight?

    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

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  7. #7
    ReachOut Regular xSami_Sometimesx's Avatar
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    I'm not sure. I haven't really felt at myself lately. I can still be happy, but then I end up just, mad or sad or something out of the blue. I usually keep it under wraps until i am alone then once i am it all comes out. I dont like bringing people down with my moods. And I can't bring myself any lower with how i feel so i just, write it out.
    It doesn't really help that I am dealing with some other things going on in my head, but, there isn't a whole lot i can do about that since nobody really understands it

  8. #8
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hello Sami,

    Writing is something that I find helpful as well, but sometimes, you just need someone that you can open up and talk with. No matter what, we're here to listen. You wont' be bringing us down with anything. We really care about you, and want to hear what you have to say!

    I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way, and I just want you to know that you are not alone! We're here for you! Stay strong!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

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