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Thread: Sex drive into overdrive [TMI]

  1. #1
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    Sex drive into overdrive [TMI]

    Okay, this post might be a little TMI for some of you, but I don't really mind sharing "embarassing" information like that and I need to talk about it and see if anyone can help me.

    I am a 21 year old male and also a virgin. I've never dated any girls before and have also never been kissed on been with anyone anytime. Partly that is because of the culture I come from, partly due to my lack of personality in the past but now majorly it's because of my depression.

    What I have noticed however, is that my sex drive has just shot up by multiple counts in the past few months. I don't know how it happened or what triggered it if anything, but it's stayed that way since then. I think about sex all the time and it seems like anything and everything around me will remind me of it even if I try to distract myself. It seems like whenever I see any woman my age walking down the street or talking to them as friends or colleagues, I imagine and feel like having sex with them. This one time recently, I watched a friend of mine hold a pen while studying and put it in her mouth and bite it and immediately I felt like excusing myself and convincing myself to think about something else. Yet another time, I told one of my roommate's girlfriend that her shoelace was undone and she immediately got down on her knee to tie while standing 1 foot away from me and my mind began to wander. It's embarrassing to think that anything even if meant innocently is causing an overdrive in me.

    In the past, I've had some success with controlling this urge through masturbation, but recently I've realized that I seem to have grown immune to masturbation and I desire the real deal even though I don't really want to do it from an intellectual perspective. I've tried increasing the frequency of my release activities but that doesn't seem to help. It's not like I'm surrounded by sexual stimuli like pornography or magazines, but rather I go to them once I realize I have urges. This one time, I had dinner with a couple of people and I felt like visiting the washroom every half hour or so only to slap myself and hit myself in the head to get me to stop thinking about that one girl who was with us (and she wasn't even wearing any revealing clothing, rather she was dressed very modestly).

    I don't know what's causing this but I think the fact that I've never had contact and intimacy with a girl before is not helping at all. If you are still reading this and managed to not click away or cringe, Congratulations!! The embarrassing part is over. I didn't know who to talk to about this and I just couldn't ignore what my body and mind signals me to do. I feel the urge to have bodily contact with a sexual partner but I don't want to just do it with anyone I have no intimate long-term feelings towards and I cannot find a solution to this besides excessive masturbation every day which leaves me exhausted and sore at the end.

  2. #2
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hello Ash,

    No clicking away or cringing here! It sounds like you're feeling pretty frustrated with the intensity of your sexual urges and don't know what to do at this point. I think sex drive really differs from person to person and for numerous reasons and can even change from time to time. As you've already state, your current solution is leaving you feeling pretty exhausted. Something that you may not automatically think about is exercising when you feel these urges. Anything from taking walks, running/jogging, or hitting the gym, whatever type of exercise you like.

    If you feel that this is getting in the way of living your life in a comfortable manner, you may want to discuss it with your doctor and see if they have some other suggestions.

    I can tell that you were feeling really nervous about posting this, and a bit embarrassed, but I'm so glad that you felt comfortable enough to open up and talk with us. This is a judgement free zone! We are all here for you!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
    -- Ok2Talk
    -- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
    -- Trevor Project Trevorspace for LGBTQIA youth
    -- ReachOut Australia forums

  3. #3
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    Hi Mandy,

    Thanks for surviving through the entirety of the post. I've been embarassed to talk about it to anyone I know for fear of being seen as a sex-hungry animal with no control and as a freak. Haha! I seem to have gotten better at controlling it somehow through a change in exercise patterns and through video games. I feel like I was meant to have done this long before and now my body is somehow reminding me and pushing me to "do the deed" ASAP but I really don't feel too comfortable about engaging in casual sex. I wish I had someone who could take care of these needs. Problems of being a single guy. I don't really like visiting doctor for sexual matters. I don't know, it feels sort of emasculating to discuss my sex drive problem with anyone really.

  4. #4
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hello Ash,

    Nobody here is going to think you are a freak of any kind! I think there’s a lot of people who feel some embarrassment when talking about sex, and/or problems with one’s sex life that it makes it difficult to talk about. I’m glad that you opened up with us though, because it’s something that has been on your mind, and as you know, we’re not going to judge or make assumptions here.

    I’m glad to see that you have found the exercise and video games to help a bit. It’s good to have those things that you know you can turn to. I know it may not be what you want to hear right now, but the right person will come along some day. It sounds like you want to be in a more committed style of relationship before engaging in sex, and that’s completely your choice. When the time is right, it will be right!

    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factshe...person-for-you

    We’re all here for you, and always willing to listen!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
    -- Ok2Talk
    -- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
    -- Trevor Project Trevorspace for LGBTQIA youth
    -- ReachOut Australia forums

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