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Thread: Needing advice (anxiety & trouble at home)

  1. #1
    ReachOut Regular
    Join Date
    Nov 2015

    Unhappy Needing advice (anxiety & trouble at home)

    Hi! I'm 18 years old and started college this September (I'm studying Law). I consider myself to be a happy, cheerful person and I love life. However, I suffer from anxiety.
    I don't talk about this with anyone in depth and I really need support and and some advice!

    My anxiety hasn't been diagnosed (except by a traditional chinese medicine connoisseur), so no one takes it seriously. When I had panic attacks, my mom would tell me to stop whining and complain that she didn't know what else to do with me anymore.
    Thankfully, I have gotten so much better. I'm much more happy and confident than what I used to be. I love myself and I love living the day and having fun, and I love people. However, when I get home, I often get anxious.
    My mom is emotionally unstable. Don't get me wrong, she loves me very much. But I remember a lot of times, even when I was very little, seeing her having anger attacks. She would throw and break things and shout at me. She would get angry for things like my messy bedroom or me doing or saying something she didn't like. I never really understood why would she get so mad and I would cry a lot. The last time something like this happened was about five months ago and it hasn't been as frequent as it used to be, fortunately. But when I hear noises from other rooms of the house, specially at night, I always think it's her throwing things again, and I always get up to check if everything's okay.
    My mom always has a sense of victimhood. She takes everything personally and feels like everything and everyone is against her. She feels like she's the victim of every situation, even when I try to convince her that she's not.
    For example, I was bullied from 5th to 8th grade. That made me hate that school. I never told her I was bullied because I didn't want to worry her, but and I would ask her to change schools, but she never let me, only on 9th grade. About a year ago, I told her I hated that school, because the people were mean and bullied me. She slapped me and shouted me, saying that she chose that school because she thought it was the best for me and that she didn't want to her another about the matter ever again.
    I feel like she doesn't really care about certain things of my life. When I talk to her about things that make me happy, for example, college, she just doesn't ask questions, sometimes she just nods, like what I'm saying is not interesting. I always try to talk about happy things but I just know that the conversation will end up with her talking about something sad and serious, like how the economy is so bad, or how mean people are, or how irresponsible I am, or how my father "doesn't care a lot" (my parents are divorced).
    I just wish she would care about the things that I actually like and make me happy. When I went to ballet classes (I'm very passionate about ballet), she never wanted to see me dance, never took pictures of me, never said I looked pretty in my ballet attire - because she doesn't like ballet.
    Now, I want to quit girl scouts, because I feel terrible there. But my mom refuses to accept that I want to quit, because she likes girl scouts. When I tell her I want to quit, she makes me feel guilty and says she would be very sad if I did quit.
    And on my prom night, she didn't tell me I looked pretty. She did, afterwards. But I was so sad because my friends' moms were the ones complimenting me. One of them said to my mom "Your daughter looks so beautiful! She's very excited for prom, it's a special occasion, right?" and my mom just nodded with a serious face.
    I just wish I could hear "I'm proud of you" or "How was your day at college?". I wish I could be at home and study without feeling anxious. I wish that every little noise wouldn't remind me of my mom throwing my things against the walls. I wish that I wasn't afraid of talking to her, without hiding my feelings.
    I really wish I could come home and feel happy, calm and safe.

    Sorry if this is too long! I really want to help my mom and myself. What should I do? And thank you so much for your time

  2. #2
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Hello miab97,

    I can see what a strong, positive, inspiring soul you truly are. That’s very clear when reading this, as well as in reading the supportive words that you’ve offered others around the forums. I think it’s really great that you’re so passionate about ballet. Are you still with a studio? It must hurt when your mom doesn’t take an interest in the things that you enjoy. Perhaps you have already attempted to do so, but would you consider writing out your feelings in a letter to your mom? Sometimes it can be easier, and lead into a smoother conversation if you’re able to have the other person read what’s on your mind, and then talk about it. Fewer interruptions and fewer chances for the conversation to be switched to something else.

    When you start to feel anxious, how about taking a few moments to practice some meditation, do some breathing exercises, listen to some calming music, write in a journal, or talk to someone you trust like another family member or friend.

    You can come and talk to us here as well! We are here for you, and we truly care!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
    -- Ok2Talk
    -- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
    -- Trevor Project Trevorspace for LGBTQIA youth
    -- ReachOut Australia forums

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Well, perhaps you could seek help from friends or other loved ones and family members. It's great that you came here, because everyone here is amazing and truly care about your issues, it's like one big happy loving caring family. Now I know your mom loves you, you know it too as it seems even if she has a funny way of showing it. Perhaps you could try to sit down and talk with her about how your feeling, or get someone to talk with you so she could understand more if she doesn't listen to you but she'll listen to someone else. It's great that you've become more better and feel better, and that's great because now you can also lean on friends and the likes. I wish best luck to you and your mother, have a wonderful day and stay strong!

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