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Thread: New...Need to talk

  1. #1
    ReachOut Regular J3SA's Avatar
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    New...Need to talk

    Hi.
    I'm not really sure what to post about here.. It's my first time doing something like this I guess..
    I'm kind of scared..

    I think I might have depression.
    For a while now, maybe 6 years, I've always had these small feelings inside. I just thought they were normal teenage things. I mean I was 16.
    I used to fight with my mum all the time. Eventually I was convinced to move out by a friend. At their house I experienced all kinds of mental and emotional abuse. It took almost 2 years for me to finally pack up my things and move back into my mums house.
    Skip a few more years and that brings us to now..
    I'm constantly feeling useless and alone. I worked a snow season recently where I had a pretty big car accident. I was fine, whiplash and still lingering pain now, but the car was worse off than I. I thought maybe I was suffering PTSD. But it's everything. I cameback home to find out I had no job any more. So no car, no job and no money because of the $1000 it took to pay for th accident.
    Needless to say it's pretty crap for me..
    I don't know how to explain what I feel right now.. it's all over the place.

    I feel worthless. Needy and Pathetic.
    I just got in an argument with a friend because I fely like I couldnt talk to her about something.
    I cry every day. Multiple times. For most of the day.
    I feel like every thing in my life is becoming too much and no matter how many good things happen there is always something bad to bring me back down..
    I'm finding it hard to sleep at nigth cause of heart pounding and I'm shaking and I can't close my eyes. Then once I sleep I find it hard to wake back up and go about my day. Every day is the same and I can't take it any more.
    I feel anxious 24/7.

    I can't tell my mum becaue when I try to bring it up she tells me to harden up and ill be fine just wait.
    There are times where I wish I had of just died in the car accident. I was told I was lucky to be alive. That I should have been seriously injured or even died. But I didn't. I should be grateful but at times I wish I had of just died..
    I 've never self harmed but I have come close.. It's starting to really scare me..

    I want to go an see a doctor. But I don't know what to say.

    Do I just go in and say, "Hey so I think I have depression, what do I do?" I'm just scared...

    Please some one help me...

  2. #2
    Administrator Susie_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hey J3,

    I don't know much, but I do know what thing. You are NOT worthless. You are a valuable, awesome person who deserves to feel better than you've been feeling. Seeing a doctor is a really good plan. You don't have to already know your diagnosis (such as depression) before you walk in. You don't always know what's up when you see a doc about a medical problem, do you? It's fine to just go, and say, "I'm really struggling. I cry every day, sometimes all day. I feel worthless, and like everything in my life is just too much to handle. I can't sleep at night, because my heart is pounding and I'm shaking and I can't close my eyes. Then I don't want to wake up in the morning. I feel anxious all day, every day. I think about self-harm, and often wish I had died in my car accident. That's how I've been feeling. I need help."

    Saying those things is no different than saying, "I've had a headache and a sore throat and a temperature of 101.2." It's just as legitimate and real.

    Do you think you can follow through, and go get some help? We want to support you, because we care.
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
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  3. #3
    ReachOut Regular J3SA's Avatar
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    Thank you for your reply.
    What you said is right. It's just like any other normal situation with a doctor.
    I'm just kind of scared of the diagnosis. It sounds silly but I'm scared to be told I have depression or something. I don't know why.

    I'm going to give the doctors a call on Monday when they're open again and try to book an appointment for soon.

  4. #4
    Administrator Laura_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hi J3,

    Going to the doctor can be scary, especially when you're worried about the diagnosis they might give you. Instead of focusing on the fear of the diagnosis, do you think it would help you ease your nerves if you looked at it as once you have an actual diagnosis of some kind from a doctor, you can work with them to get better.

    I'm glad to hear that you plan on calling the doctor on Monday! It takes a lot of strength and courage to face your fears and work on getting help. It shows just how strong of a person you are!

    Stay strong, you can get through this!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

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  5. #5
    ReachOut Regular J3SA's Avatar
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    Thank you for a response,

    That's true. I will try to think of it that way. I feel a little better today knowing that I'm going to try and help myself.
    I've also managed to keep myself busy today so I haven't felt as bad either.

    Thank you for your kind words!

  6. #6
    ReachOut Regular J3SA's Avatar
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    A quick update:

    I went to see the doctor on Tuesday.
    After talking with him he's determined I'm suffering from Anxiety and Depression.
    He got a blood test done and an ECG just to double check and the results of those have come back fine, which is great.
    I went back today to get those results and now we're moving forward.

    I've been put on medication. (not sure if I'm allowed to post what type)
    And I'm to call up and book session with a counselor to talk about every thing.
    And in 2 weeks I go back to speak with the doctor again for a check up of every thing.

    Now that this is all happened I guess I'm feeling anxious about the fact that I've actually been diagnosed with this now..
    Is that a normal reaction? It's like I'm regretting going to see some one about it. I want to just be how I was before anc pretend I had nothing so I don't have to take the medicine...

    Anyway that's it for now.

  7. #7
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hello J3SA! Thanks for keeping us updated! We really like to hear how things are going for you!

    After being officially diagnosed, it's not uncommon to take a bit to process the news. You've got a lot going on right now with making appointments, and just learning about your diagnosis as well as the new medication. It must be quite a bit to think about right now, and I'm really sorry that you're having some regrets. Give it time to set in, and keep talking to the people around you be it a family member, your therapist or doctor, or just someone you trust and feel comfortable talking with in general.

    How about taking some moments from each day to relax and do something that makes you feel lovely? Maybe that's taking a walk in your favorite park, working in a puzzle, meditating, practicing yoga, or watching a favorite movie! It may even help to keep a list in a notebook or somewhere handy so you always have some options. Do you write? A lot of people (myself included) find that writing or journaling is really helpful as well.

    We're all here for you!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
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  8. #8
    ReachOut Regular J3SA's Avatar
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    Sorry it's been a w hile. Parents went away to Thailand so I was in charge for a little while.


    I've been to 2 sessions with my psychologist. I was really lucky to get in as quick as I can and she's really positive about every thing.


    She's 'officially' diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder, mild social anxiety and PTSD.
    She's also asked me to stop taking the meds, i was only using them for about 6 days, as she wants me to try and get better without the use of them first and if I am struggling she's going to get me to start taking them again.
    But she seems really positive with how I'm going. Apparent;y I was doing all the right things before the car accident and just had a major set back because of it, which is really good and I'm feeling a lot better about it all.

    I really hated being on those meds though, all kinds of unpleasant side effects so I'm quite happy to be off them, even if i end up having to go on them again!

  9. #9
    Moderator Mandy_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hello J3SA,

    It's great to hear from you again! I can see that things seem to be moving along in a positive direction, and I'm so happy to hear that. It sounds like you are feeling comfortable with your psychologist, and looking forward to the brighter days to come!

    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factshe...xiety-disorder
    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factshe...-disorder-ptsd

    We're all here for you, and we truly care!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
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  10. #10
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    I think crying at night is one of the hardest things to cope with... At least it is for me. I feel so alone. Like, I'm just laying there in my bed, crying, and no one else knows. But it's also a little comforting to cry. Maybe. It empties out a lot of negativity.

    I'm really sorry you have to try and cope with this. But I very much believe that your strength grows when you gain the ability to reach out, even in a small way like this.

    It may not be the right time to reach out and try to find a doctor, but that's always a good option. For now you can keep reaching out in small ways just to try and get feelings off your chest, so you don't feel so alone inside your mind.

  11. #11
    Administrator Rachel_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hi themoonisapancake,

    I'm so sorry to hear about how much you are struggling lately. Coming to the forum to get support is a positive step, though.

    Do you have some ways to relax and express your feelings during these times? I know that I like to write in a journal, but maybe you might like something different, such as painting or listening to music?

    We're here for you, and we care about you!
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
    -- Ok2Talk
    -- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
    -- Trevor Project Trevorspace for LGBTQIA youth
    -- ReachOut Australia forums

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