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Thread: Thinking I'm lesbian questions ... Please help

  1. #1
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    Thinking I'm lesbian questions ... Please help

    Where to began ...

    First of all, although I don't come from a religious family, I've become a passionate Christian. My faith is really important to me so I don't want someone to just be like "who cares you do you". I've been doing a lot of research about the bible passages on homosexuality and still feel confused. Anyone here christian and gay? How did you deal with that?

    Second for everyone in general; I'm still kind of confused about whether I'm lesbian, bisexual, or just a confused straight girl. I've had crushes on only 3 guys in the past (which is a small number for a freshman in high school), but looking back they were all when I was expected to like someone. And they were all focused on getting attention from the guys. I've never had the reaction to guys that all my friends did. Never had a celebrity crush. Never saw a guy and was like "Ohmygoodness he's so hot! I want to have his children!" lol. Recently I had a crush on a girl. She's way older than me so I finally gave up realizing she would never like me. But I really wanted a relationship with her. I want to know her and to hold her, not just get her attention.

    The more I've thought about it, the more I realize that I don't really connect with guys (something very important to me in a potential partner). I've only had a couple of guy friends in my entire life. I think I would much rather be with a girl. But how do I know this isn't just a phase since being gay is so highlighted now? How did you know you were lesbian? What should my next steps be? I don't really even know where to start. When do I tell somebody what I'm experiencing? I don't want to "come out" and be wrong.

    Thank you so much! I know this is a lot.

  2. #2
    Idol Lyn_Moderator's Avatar
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    Hi there koalabear! It sounds like you're putting a lot of time and thought into giving yourself a label. Sometimes it's easier if you don't try to label things and let things (such as crushes or relationships) develop as they will. I think if you feel strongly about your faith and you are a lesbian, then there is no reason you can't be both. Some churches welcome LGBT members with open arms! It's getting more and more common, and it isn't anything to be ashamed of. The truth is, sexuality isn't a straight black or white area, and the way you feel about men or women can change. If it were me, I would try not to get too caught up in a label and just try to be the best 'me' I could be. I did find some fact sheets that might help you, I hope they do!

    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factshe...or-transgender
    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/being-a-lesbian
    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/coming-out
    http://us.reachout.com/facts/factshe...nd-stereotypes

    Does anyone else have experience with this and can give some advice to koala? I hope what I've said has helped a little and that we see more of you around the forums!

  3. #3
    ReachOut Peer Supporter glitterbear's Avatar
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    Hey again, Koalabear21,

    I hear that your faith and Christianity are really important to you. You're wondering what Christianity and the bible say about homosexuality and what it would mean for you to be both Christian and potentially a lesbian. There are lots of arguments out there that debunk that the bible is necessarily against homosexuality. I remember there being a great summary of those arguments in a documentary called For the Bible Tells Me So, which is about Christian LGBT folks and their families.

    You're wondering if you're a lesbian, bisexual, or straight. Only you can evaluate how you really feel. I want to put out there that you don't have to have "evidence" for any particular label before you take it on. Like, even if you hadn't had feelings for a girl before, you could call yourself a lesbian if you feel like that's what is true for you. Also, in terms of coming out and "being wrong," it's okay to come out with one identity and then switch to another one later. It doesn't mean you were wrong about yourself. People change or just get more information about themselves. I've identified as a lesbian, as queer, and now as bisexual.

    I can relate to getting crushes on guys when it was expected. As much as being gay or bi might be more well-known and more accepted in general, overall people are still expected to be straight. Furthermore, women are socialized to really want attention and validation from men. It's possible you could have been trying to meet a societal expectation.

    You're also wondering if this might be just a phase since gay identity is more of a well-known thing now. What if we looked at it another way? Are straight people only straight because they see so many images of straight people on TV and in the movies? Having something be well-known doesn't change who people are, it just gives more people the room to realize who they are. Even if this is a phase, and you end up not being attracted to women later in life, it is still valid that you are now. Sexuality can be fluid. You don't have to identify one way and only one way for your whole life.

    Let us know if you have any other questions.

    Shine on,
    glitterbear

  4. #4
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    Hey, I'm new and i signed up literally just to ask these kinds of questions. So if anyone can help, please do!.
    Im 25 and have a 2 year old with a guy I've been with for 5 years. I've always thought girls were attractive (specifically ones that are obviously lesbians) but over the last year or so it's been weighing on me more than ever. I really love my sons dad and we live together but anytime he wants to be physical I'm sooo uncomfortable, it's like I'm not even attracted to him in that way and he is a really beautiful person. Its hurting our relationship a lot because he knows this is an issue for me and just wants to know already if I'm a lesbian but I don't know how to tell! I feel like a part of me really wants to be but I can't imagine being "bi" Because I really don't want to have sex with guys aside from like, Celebrity crushes lol. Also, my family would be really weirded out and I feel like they would just treat me like I'm reaching out for attention or something. I'm so confused. Also, I doubt any girl would be interested knowing I have a kid with a guy. Is this a normal thing? I thought I would've known immediately if I was a lesbian, not 25 years later.

  5. #5
    ReachOut Peer Supporter glitterbear's Avatar
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    Hey Screenname1990,

    Welcome to ReachOut! I'm glad you found a thread that you could relate to and felt comfortable enough to share your experiences.

    You're wondering if you might be a lesbian, and your attraction to women is weighing on you because of what it could mean for your life. You really love your son's dad but don't feel comfortable being physically intimate with him. It sounds like you two have talked about this a bit, and it's great that that line of communication is open. Why do you think it's so important for him to know if you're a lesbian or not? I wonder if there's another question behind that one, the question of whether your relationship will continue as it is, change into something else, or end.

    I can tell it's frustrating for you to just be figuring out and coming to terms with your attraction to women now. You are not alone in realizing your sexual orientation later in life. I know a lesbian couple who were both married to men with children in their forties when they came out--and now they're super happy with each other and still have great relationships with their kids and amicable ones with their ex-husbands.

    I hear that you're worried no woman will want to date you because you have a kid with a guy. While not everyone you meet will want to come into a situation like that, others will be open to dating and maybe even wanting to date someone who already has a child because they're ready to have a family. It will just depend on the person and what they're looking for.

    I hope to see you around the forums. I'm so glad you joined ReachOut!

    Take care,
    glitterbear

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