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Thread: What Nobody Knows

  1. #1
    Newbie Mea's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015

    Exclamation What Nobody Knows

    I am 15 years old. I feel like I have lived longer. But in my "short" life, I have been through hell and back. When I was 3, I was molested, just once. Then again when I was 5, by a different person. I was born to a rape victim. And I now am a rape victim. My dad raped me every Monday from when I turned 8, until 8 months after my 13th birthday. EVERY FUCKING MONDAY!!!! I was placed in foster care 2 months before I turned 14. I have been self harming since I was 9, have been suicidal since I was 11, tried to kill myself 5 times this year alone, and 8 other times. I have cuts all over my body. 7 year old me wouldn't even recognize the person I have become. I have been in the hospital over 20 times and in therapy for about 2 years now. My foster mom says that it's up to me to stop cutting. That there is people out there that have no control over their lives. But what I didn't tell her, and what nobody knows, is that I don't have control over my life, because depression has control of it. It's dragging me deeper and deeper into a black hole, and I don't know how much longer I can hang on. I don't know how much longer my life is going to last.

  2. #2
    Administrator Susie_Moderator's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Hi Mea,

    I'm just so, so sorry about all of this. It isn't fair, not one bit. You've been through terrible things, and it's natural that you'd have a hard time coping for a while. I can see what your foster mom meant, that only you can stop cutting, but it's also true that everyone needs help sometimes.

    Is your foster mom something you can talk to? Could you tell her about the depression? Talking to a therapist about it could really help a lot. It would be great to start on the climb out of that black hole, wouldn't it?

    You could also make contact with the help line at Your Life Your Voice. By phone, they're reachable 24/7 at 1-800-448-3000, and the call is free and confidential. They can really help! They also have texting -- just send VOICE to 20121 between 6 pm and midnight (central time) any day. Or, they have online chat (certain hours) or email (24/7). Click here to see all the info.

    We want to support you through all of this. We are on your side.
    Note: The ReachOut Forums will be suspended after December 31, 2015. All existing threads and posts will still be available to read and review, but no new posts will appear. We hope to gain new funding, and be back soon, but in the meantime, here are some places where you can keep talking and get support:

    -- Your Life Your Voice
    -- Ok2Talk
    -- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
    -- Trevor Project Trevorspace for LGBTQIA youth
    -- ReachOut Australia forums

  3. #3
    ReachOut Regular
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    You are so strong. you've made it threw these 15 years. i've been through a lot of serious stuff all the same as you and i just wanted to let you know i'm always here for you

  4. #4
    im also 15 and all tho i havent had as near as a bad experience as you i just want to say that there are people that care about you and generally want you to be happy. dont take away your own life please! try to take your mind off self harm i know (easyer said than done) but you can. i believe in you <3

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