When your parents break-up

Photo by: sunshinecity

Understanding the situation

When your parents break up, it may be difficult for those involved. Sometimes parents break up after long periods of fighting and unhappiness. Sometimes it happens suddenly and that makes it hard to understand why there needs to be change at all.

As family relationships change because of your parents break up, there may be a lot of adjusting to do. Everyone affected will have their own thoughts and feelings about what is happening. People may feel anything from being upset to relief. It is not uncommon to feel angry with the person(s) who decided the family can no longer live together.

Changes in family relationships may cause parents to become distracted. They may be arguing and fighting more often and this may be interfering with their time with you. However, whatever is happening between your parents does not change the way they feel about you.

Often when parents break up, this means moving back and forth between your parents. Having to spread your clothes, music and time between two places may be hard. It is not uncommon to want to stay in one place with friends or just to stay in the space you are used to.

Making sense of your parents breakup

Adjusting to changes in a family’s relationship structure may take a long while and a lot of negotiation. If you are affected by your parents break-up, there are some things you can do to try to make sense of it all. Sometimes you may need someone from outside the family to help everyone talk about what is happening. You may also need to think about when is a good time to ask questions about what is happening. If someone is extremely upset or emotional, it might be best to wait until you are both calm. Some things you may want to do to help you:

• Ask your parent or parents to explain why they have decided to stop living together;
• Let your parents know who you would prefer to live with;
• Ask them not to put you in the middle of their problems by talking to you about it;
• Try to maintain your relationship with both of them separately;
• Talk to other family members about how you feel;
• Ask to talk to someone outside the situation like a counselor.

More information

You may want to check out these fact sheets:
Long distance relationships;
Step families or new family units;
Arguing with your parents;
Effective communication.

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