What Is Girl Versus Girl Bullying?

by Susan NYC

Girl vs. girl bullying is a form of relational aggression.  Relational aggression is a type of aggression that harms a person’s social status, reputation, or relationship within a group of friends.  This type of aggression is an ego-booster for the aggressor and does not involve physical violence.

Believe it or not, girls are more likely to be involved in bullying than boys are.  Whether the prevalence of girl vs. girl bullying is the result of an innate tendency of young woman towards aggression is yet to be solidly determined. Brigham Young’s Sarah Coyne points a finger at television and current media as the primary perpetrator.

Some common effects of girl vs. girl bullying include:

• Loss of friendships and social standing
• Isolation
• School absences
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Long-term mental health problems

Why does girl vs. girl bullying happen?

Bullying can sometimes be difficult to pinpoint in girl groups, as oftentimes the girls consider each other “friends.”  But it can be seen in many forms, such as physical harassment, threats, name-calling, negative gossip and the silent treatment.  Marion K. Underwood suggests, in the article “Social Aggression Among Girls,” that because girls tend to invest more into relationships, platonic and otherwise, tension between two or more females has been noticed to develop into a deeper grudge, as opposed to situations with boys, who often shrug off the tension and simply move on to another group of friends.

Although the occurrences in the movie Mean Girls seem a bit ludicrous, these types of situations actually do happen.  Young women often do spend their days trying to get an “in” with the “in-crowd”, attempting to raise their own social status by bringing the status of others down.  The “high value” young women place on their relationships “cycle of wanting to be popular.” Research shows that girl bullies spend time meticulously planning and executing their revenge/plan of action.

Reasons for girl vs. girl aggression:

• Jealousy
• Need for attention
• Anger
• Fear
• Competition

How can you tell if someone is a friend or bully?

So how are you supposed to know who is your friend and who is a bully? Could some friends be using you?  If someone only shows up when you have free concert tickets or your boyfriend has cute friends, they might not really be your friend. Or you may find girls who constantly talk you down or talk themselves up. This could be a red flag. Another red flag? Girls who only talk about themselves. These are girls who may feign interest in your stories but who cut you off to talk about their hair, their boyfriend and their lives. If they are talking bad about themselves constantly, they are using you for a boost of self-esteem. This is considered a manipulative form of bullying because it makes the people around them feel less significant.

From personal experience, girl bullying can develop and multiply. Girls who talk about you behind your back will try to get others to do the same. It might seem as though there is a militia of people who cannot stand you. The problem is that most of them just want to fit in to the conversations around them and might not be aware of what they are doing to you as a person.

How to get help

Get Busy Join a new group, like the chess club, yearbook or track.  Extracurricular activities can distract you from the issue and changing your scenery by getting involved can help you find friends who share your interests.  Focusing more on grades, athletics or extracurricular activities will take your mind off your peer struggles.

Talk to Someone Whether you are a victim of relational aggression or acting as the aggressor, talking to someone can help.  You can find a peer counseling group or psychologist or school counselor who offers individual sessions.

Write it Out Journaling is a great way to express your feelings - happy, sad or angry - in a safe way, without fear of being judged.  Also, be sure to write down the positive things as well as negative ones to keep things balanced.

Get Help Look for a group or task force at your school that fights relational aggression.  If one does not exist, talk to school administrators, counselors and parents to get one started.

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