Thinking about having sex

Photo by: Jackie Popp

Deciding if you should have sex

Being sexual is a very personal way of communicating with someone else. It’s a physical way of expressing love and affection. Being sexual is an important personal choice and it’s not uncommon to take time to make the decision to become physically intimate with another person. It’s important to know that love doesn’t equal sex. Relationships can be happy and fun without being sexual.

Talking about sex with a person you are sexually attracted to—whether that person is a friend, acquaintance or your boyfriend or girlfriend—will help you both work out if you want to begin a sexual relationship. Talk about your expectations for the relationship, including your worries, fears, anxieties, and what you hope to get out of the experience. If it’s relevant, don’t forget to talk about contraception, like birth control and condoms.

If you decide to have sex, remember:

• Sex must be consensual—both of you must want to engage in sex;
• Have sex safely.

Suggestions for safe sex

It’s always important that you engage in safe sex. This means making sure you don’t risk becoming pregnant unless you want to, or catching a sexually transmitted disease (STD) like HIV/AIDS, herpes, Chlamydia or gonorrhea.

It’s a good idea to find out about safe sex, how different STDs are passed on and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. Using condoms with water-based lubricants and dental dams are one way to protect yourself from some STDs. You can also get informed by:

1. Checking out some of the other ReachOut fact sheets:

Peer pressure
Taking care of your sexual health
Managing relationship pressures
Losing your virginity

2. Talking with your doctor or any other health professionals.

Saying no

Being in a sexual relationship can be enjoyable and rewarding when that relationship is negotiated and agreed on by both people. Sometimes people think they can demand that someone be sexual with them, or force them to have sex against their will. Remember: No one has the right to force you to have sex. You have the right to say no. Don’t let yourself be intimidated into having sex with anyone.

When can I legally have sex?

The answer to this question depends on the state in which you live. Consensual sex laws—which determine the age at which you can legally agree to have sex—vary from state to state, but for the most part require that you be at least 18 years old to consent. If you’re younger than 18, check out the laws in your state before deciding to become intimate with anyone.

For more information

It’s important that you think through your decision to have sex with someone. You might want to discuss it, not only with your partner, but with people whom you trust. This could include a friend, an older sibling, a counselor, a religious leader, your parents or a medical doctor. You can also find more information on your options at community health clinics or Planned Parenthood centers.

Information for this fact sheet

LIVESTRONG

Planned Parenthood Federation of America or call 1-800-230 PLAN

Responses

Thanks for your comment on ReachOut.com! We moderate all comments to ensure the site is safe and supportive. Your comment should appear within 24 hours if it is approved.