Telling someone difficult news about you

Photo by: cosmic bandita

When something troublesome or worrisome happens to you (i.e. an unplanned pregnancy, the need to enter rehab, a decision to quit a job or being fired), you may experience a variety of feelings that could make it difficult for you to share your troubles with others. You might feel embarrassed, sad, worried or confused about what has happened. It can be scary telling someone about a situation because the people you are telling may have set values and beliefs about the issue that could affect their reaction. Being unsure of how people may react may also make it hard to tell someone what is going on for you. All these thoughts and feelings are normal. It may be important to let people you trust know what is happening. They may be able to help you and support you. You may also feel a sense of relief after telling someone.

Find support. Having someone you can talk to about your situation can help you gain the confidence you need to tell others. Speaking with a counselor, social worker or doctor can help you decide how to tell family and friends.

Be aware of timing. Timing can be an important part of telling someone troubling news. If possible, try to choose a time when the people you’re telling are relaxed or not preoccupied with something else that is going on. Avoid blurting out your news during an argument, and don’t use your news as a weapon to hurt someone or gain an advantage in a situation. If you tell people during an aggressive or defensive moment, you might end up getting a bad reaction.

Be knowledgeable about the situation. Knowing your options about the situation can help you answer questions and help you avoid stereotypes. For example, if you have lost your job, finding out if you are eligible for unemployment, or having information about how to temp for an agency, might show that you are actively trying to help yourself.

Understand your feelings. By taking time to work out how you feel about the situation and your needs for the future, you can make it easier for you to tell someone else. It’s not always easy to know how you’re feeling, but a counselor might be able to help you sort through some of your thoughts.

Cope with others’ reactions. Everyone has a different way of coping when they hear with upsetting news. Some people might be confused or angry, and need time to work out how they feel. Others might have no problem with what you have told them, while some might be relieved that you were able to share your news. If people react negatively, try to remember that it might be because they were unprepared for the news and might need time to think. In time, they may be ready to ask you questions, listen to answers, and acknowledge your feelings. It might also be important to explain things to them a few times as they may not have heard it the first time.

Last Reviewed: May 17, 2012

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