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Losing your virginity

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Deciding when to lose your virginity

It seems like everyone talks about sex. Your friends, TV show characters, magazines, movies and maybe even your family. Sometimes it’s hard to work out what’s true, or what information you need to make a decision about becoming sexually active for the first time.

It’s normal to feel excited or anxious when thinking about losing your virginity. Just remember that there’s no right or wrong time to become sexually active—it varies for each person. It might take time to decide what’s right for you.

Being sexually active can mean different things to different people, and can include different activities with partners that are the opposite sex, the same sex, or both. Sex is about giving and receiving pleasure in a way that is comfortable for both people.

Am I ready for sex?

You might choose to become sexually active for a variety of reasons. You might:

  • Think it could be fun;
  • Feel like you’re in love;
  • Think it feels good;
  • Take it as a sign of commitment;
  • Feel emotionally ready;
  • Feel informed, and like you’ve thought it through;
  • Feel prepared and ready to practice safe sex;
  • Be curious and want to experiment;
  • Think all your friends are doing it.

There might be several reasons why you choose not to have sex. You might:

  • Not feel ready or comfortable yet;
  • Not think you’ve found the right person;
  • Have religious or cultural reasons;
  • Feel more anxious than excited;
  • Not have condoms or dams on hand to practice safe sex;
  • Not want to respond to pressure from your friends or partner;
  • Be too young legally. Check out the laws on age of consent in your state for more info;
  • Feel you don’t have to prove yourself by having sex.

It’s really important that you feel like you’re able to talk to your partner about how you feel and any worries you have about having sex and using contraception. It can be weird and embarrassing to have this sort of conversation, but if you’re not comfortable enough to talk about it, then maybe you aren’t ready to have sex.
Got any concerns about your first time? Share them in the forums here, or register to post.

Some facts and myths about your first time

You might have a lot of questions about what your first time will be like. It’s not always easy to find the answers you need. Here are some common myths that people believe about sex—and the facts.

MYTH: You can’t get pregnant or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) the first time.

FACT: Yes you can! When thinking about being sexually active, you need to consider protecting yourself against pregnancy and STDs by practicing safe sex. Using protection like condoms and dams will not necessarily make sex less enjoyable. The important thing is to be safe. To find out more about practicing safer sex, check out the fact sheets on Condoms and Emergency contraception.

MYTH: First time sex will hurt.

FACT: For some people, the first time can be pleasurable, comfortable and fun. For others, first-time sex does feel uncomfortable—it could even hurt. Pain during sex could mean you don’t have enough lubrication or need to try a different position. It could also mean your partner is going too fast or using too much pressure, or that you’re nervous. It could be a combination of all of these. If it’s hurting, stop and talk to your partner. Try some more lubrication or a different position, or ask your partner to go slowly. If it’s still hurting, stop. Sex shouldn’t be painful. It’s important to talk to your partner about these issues and work out ways to make sex more comfortable.

Sometimes there might be some bleeding for girls during their first time. This shouldn’t last long. If pain or bleeding continues, it’s important to talk to a doctor or nurse.

MYTH: The first time will be perfect.

FACT: TV and movies often glamorize the first time, which might give you unrealistic expectations about what it’s really like. It’s O.K. if your first time isn’t perfect. It’s not uncommon to feel awkward or self-conscious about your body or sex. And sometimes unexpected things happen when having sex for the first time, so it’s good to feel comfortable enough to talk about it with your partner.

What happens after I have sex?

After you have sex, especially if it’s your first time, you might experience a whole lot of emotional stuff—some good and some confusing. For example, you might feel worried or guilty, or sex could enhance your feelings of affection for your partner. If you’re having trouble dealing with these issues yourself, you might want to talk with your partner, or with other people you can trust, like friends, family members or a counselor or other mental health professional.

Acknowledgment

For more information on this topic see “Am I Ready for Sex, from Avert, an international AIDS charity.

Where to Next?

Comments

Responses

  • avatar2

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    monica_j

    I had intercourse for the first time and I was wondering why is it that I feel guilty about, in the pit of my stomach it doesn’t feel right. Also I wanted to know if a the guy pulls out before he ejaculates could it be possible to get pregnant considering there was no protection involved?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Becoming sexually active can bring up a lot of uncertain feelings. It might help to talk to someone about it, a close friend, or someone else that you trust.

      Any time you have unprotected sex, it’s possible for a pregnancy to occur.  This website might help you assess things:  http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodies/the_pregnancy_panic_companion  Before you have sex the next time, it might be a good idea to make a plan for contraception and condoms, so you’re more safe.

      If you want to talk it over in our forums, you’re always welcome there.  To get there, just click the word “Forums” at the top of this page, or go here:  http://us.reachout.com/forums/forum.php

      We’re here for you,
      The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    Wephii

    I’m 17 now and i lost my virginity to my boyfriend last year in October. It’s now August 2015, obviously and it still hurts at first when we have sex. The first time it hurt so bad i could have cried, but i thought after awhile the pain would go away. Now when we have sex it still hurts when he well first goes in. He goes slow because we have talked about how it still bothers me and he understands. Eventually the pain goes away durring sex but after we finish i’m sore. I really want it to not hurt i want to actually enjoy sex the entire time. How can i fix this?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      It sounds like maybe you could just use more lubrication.  Your body naturally lubricates itself (gets wet) as you get aroused, but sometimes that’s not quite enough. You can get some lubrication from any drugstore, something like K-Y brand products.  Use it as you begin to engage in sex.  If that doesn’t help, you may need to talk to a medical professional, just to check things out.

      Stay safe!
      —The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    Stolen

    I’m a fifteen year old boy and last night at a party, I had sex for the first time. It was with a guy I’d had a crush on forever. We were both super drunk, that was the only reason I was able to do it. I hadn’t even admitted to myself until that night that I was gay.Everyone at the party saw us together, and I just know everyone’s gonna be talking about us tomorrow. Now I’m just feeling nervous and guilty. I don’t know what to think or what to feel, I’m definitely not ready for everyone to be talking about me. On top of it all, I’ve got him to think about, I’ve so far been ignoring his texts. Even though he was a virgin too, he doesn’t seem at all rattled and he wants to get together and talk. My sister goes to school with me and is sure to find out, even though I’m pretty sure she’d be supportive. My mother is mentally ill, so she isn’t really able to voice an opinion. It’s my father who I’m afraid of, I think if I were to tell him, he might actually, very literally kill me. It’s all just a mess and I have no idea what to do. Some advice would be really nice.

    • avatar2

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      Awesomegal5555

      Hey my friend is 15 and she says she’s ready to have sex so as normal I told her to be ready you need to be emotionally ready and physically ready and mentally ready she said she wants to loose her virginity but she don’t know if she’s emotionally ready and she’s been talking to this guy online and she says she wants to have sex in high school I told her she should wait because she never wanted this before until now because she’s religious but she does want to loose her virginity. What is some advice I could give her to help her with her first time?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      It sounds like, even though you hadn’t really admitted it to yourself yet, you’re already pretty settled with your newfound sexuality—it’s just people’s reaction to it that you’re concerned about.  That’s still a pretty big hurdle to overcome—we get it!  It sucks that you have to be so concerned about your Dad.  Do you think you might be able to talk to your sister first, and maybe get her support before talking to your Dad?  This fact sheet might help:  http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/coming-out/

      You might like to discuss all of this in our peer-to-peer forums, where you can talk it over with people your own age, anonymously of course.  To get there, just click “Forums” at the top of this page, or go to this link: http://us.reachout.com/forums/forum.php The log in you made here, also works there.

      We want you to know that we support you.
      —The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    Xx_e_xX

    I’m 14 and so is my boyfriend. He says I’m special to him and he wants to lose his virginity to me, only when I’m ready. I really want to have sex with him, but I’m really worried that it’s going to hurt a lot, because I’m rubbish when it comes to pain. And I don’t know what to do, I love him to pieces I’m just really worried about the pain. He understands and says he’s going to be gentle with me and be slow to make it as painless as possible but I just don’t want it to be so painful that I cry or he has to stop or something. What should I do, should I just stop worrying about the pain and just go for it or should I wait a little longer to see if I’m less worried?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Maybe being this concerned about pain is an indication that you really aren’t so sure that you’re ready?  Maybe you and your boyfriend could just do some experimenting, and see what you like, without feeling pressured to have sex yet. Make sure you’re prepared with condoms, though, just in case!

      Be safe,
      The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    theguyoverhere

    Hey guys, how are you? Here’s the deal. I met a girl like a week ago, and we’ve arranged to have sex already. I’m a virgin (17 years old, male), she’s younger than me but seems to be very confident about it(like if she had done it before. Should I have sex? I don’t know if I’m ready, and I don’t feel really confident, but i don’t want to let her down neither. What should I do? Please answer

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      It’s way more important to not let yourself down.  You don’t have to do something you don’t want to do, just to please someone you’ve known a week.  Maybe wait until you really know her, and you’re sure?  Some areas have laws about age and age difference between partners, so you may want to know her well enough to verify her age, at least.

      Think it over!
      —The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    sweetbubblegum

    I am 14 years old and i lost my virginity, but i didn’t bleed. is it normal?

    • avatar2

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      nor

      Last night I was sleeping alone at home I’m afraid someone has unconscious me and raped me have. What is the physical protests after the rape? Is it possible?

      • avatar1

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        ReachOut

        We are so sorry that you’re concerned about this… it must be very upsetting for you.  Do you feel safe at home now?  Is there someone there that you can talk to about your concern?  If you are feeling like you’re in danger, please call 911 immediately.  If you think you have been raped, you certainly can report it by calling your local police.

        If you want to talk it over with someone who understands, try calling RAINN.org ,  a free, confidential and secure crisis hotline.  They are available 24/7 for victims of sexual assault or violence as well as their friends and families. Call 1- 800-656-HOPE (4673), or visit their website.

        You could also contact the helpline at Your Life Your Voice, 1-800-448-3000, and time, day or night.  It’s free and confidential, and you can talk to them about anything.  Or, you can text them (between the hours of 6 pm and midnight, Central Time) by sending VOICE to 20121.

        You can always visit the forums, and talk this over with your peers, anonymously.  To get there, just click “forums” at the top of this page, or go here:  http://us.reachout.com/forums/forum.php  It’s a supportive place where people just talk things over, and encourage each other. 

        Please make sure you’re safe tonight, and always.

        We care about you!
        —The ReachOut Crew

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      It is completely normal for a person to have no bleeding after their first sexual experience.  Most people might consider you pretty fortunate!

      Stay safe,
      The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    James_Khalifa

    My Name is James I havent done sex yet but already planned with my gf. And it first time sex. We are both virgin the problem is my partner told me wen we will first do it she wont be able to walk properly.
    My Question is?

    Is it true wen girls first break their virgins do they get a hard time to walk????? Please help

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Having sex for the first time really shouldn’t affect your partner’s ability to walk.  There might be a small amount of discomfort and bleeding, but it is usually slight, and the discomfort can be minimized by using plenty of lubrication.

      Take your time, use protection (condoms), and listen to each other.  You should be fine!

      —The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    BDABeast

    Hi. I’m a 14 year old uncircumcised male and was wondering if it hurts the first time I go in when “it” breaks and the foreskin separates from the penis.
    I have a high pain tolerance but was wondering if it hurts in general.

  • avatar2

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    Splintered01

    I am 14. I’m scared to lose my virginity because I’m afraid it will be with the wrong person. My older sister lost her virginity when she was only twelve years old and it was with the wrong person. She didn’t get pregnant or anything like that, but I just don’t want to end up with the wrong person and feel like an idiot knowing that they took my virginity. What should I do?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      You are really smart to be thinking this over.  There’s just no reason to be in a hurry to lose your virginity.  Your sister’s experience is a good example of why.  It’s fine to wait until you’re with someone for a while.  Wait and see if it’s going to be a longer relationship.  See if you’re able to grow together, and if you’re able to easily talk about sex with the person, without feeling silly or embarrassed.  Being able to talk about it is a good indicator of whether you’re ready to actually do it.  And of course, you’d need to be ready with some birth control and protection, before you do anything.

      If you’d like to talk things over with your peers (anonymously) feel free to join the forums.  You can get there by clicking the word “forums” at the top of this page, or by going here:  http://us.reachout.com/forums/forum.php 

      We hope to see you there!
      —The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    Usami

    Hello!I need your advice on something. I’m 20 year old girl. I’ve been together with my bf for 2 and half years now and we haven’t had sex yet. Sex meaning penetration. We are both virgins. The problem is, i’ve always felt that i’m not ready yet. Things about sex haven’t even popped into mind. Us both being busy, he with work n me with Uni life. I kind of feel that i’m weird for not doing anything…It has nothing to do with religious views, we are not religious people. I think I’m just with very childlike mind, but i don’t think that can go on forever, because i’m 20 now. I’m scared to lose my bf too, because men have it differently. I mean, how long can he wait for me until i’m finally ready? It might never happen. My bf cares for me a lot, and i trust him. So I think I should just go ahead n do it? I’m very conflicted with myself.I’m very scared of the pain, any kind of pain to be honest.I’m also scared that both of our sex drive might change drastically. Like for example, he starts to want it even more n i don’t, then it would mean that he needs to cheat on me or find another gf? Or if my sex drive is going to bother my normal life, as i cant concentrate on my studies or anything else later on? Can you please give me advice on 1) if I first should seek for some sort of help from psychologist? 2) Do you think my fears are without reason? 3) Would you suggest me going to the doctor to get the pills before my first time ? ( We would use a condom for sure). 4) Since i’m a scaredy-cat. Really scared of the pain…should i take a bit alcohol before doing it for the firs time? ( not meaning getting drunk, just a bit). Or any kind of painkiller before?

    I would really appreciate your help and advice, since i’m kind of slow with things and most people wouldn’t understand.

    Thank you in advance,
    Usami

    • avatar1

      Reply - Quote

      ReachOut

      Hello!  So glad you came to ReachOut to seek support and ask your questions.  It sounds like seeing a psychologist and a medical doctor is an option for you, and if you can do that, it’s a good idea!  You could talk about why you’re hesitant to become sexual with the psychologist, and the medical doctor could give you your birth control options, and talk to you about the pain aspects, and what to expect.  Most people don’t have much pain, though, as long as they are completely lubricated (wet), either by natural means, or by using a purchased lubricant.

      If you’d like to talk things over with your peers (anonymously, of course) feel free to join the forums.  You can get there by clicking the word “forums” at the top of this page, or by going here:  http://us.reachout.com/forums/forum.php  We’d love to see you there!

      Stay safe, and keep talking!
      —The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    rose2110

    I had sex for the first time a few days ago and it was with my boyfriend of over a year who I love and we were in a safe, comfortable, relaxed environment and we used protection. However, during sex it was not as enjoyable for me as I anticipated. We had sex twice and on both occasions I kept feeling an intense pressure in my lower abdomen that wasn’t painful but was very uncomfortable. I don’t get the same feeling from fingering or foreplay and no matter what position we tried (except missionary), I still feel the pressure. Is it from being too rough or lack of lubrication down there or is it something else?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      We aren’t medical professionals, so of course we can’t really be sure of anything—but a lack of lubrication could definitely contribute to a feeling of pressure.  Make sure you’re taking time to feel completely aroused and ready, so that you’ll be wet enough, or you could also buy some lubrication, such as KY, to help things out.  Make sure you’re both going at a comfortable pace, and if something doesn’t feel right, change positions, or try something else.  It shouldn’t hurt!

      If you’d like to talk things over with your peers (anonymously) just click “forums” at the top of this page, or go here:  http://us.reachout.com/forums/forum.php

      Take care of yourself,
      The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    ranori

    i did sex for first time with my partner..but i didnot undrestood weather his penis entered my vagina or he was just rubbing out side my vagina. is there any sign bcoz of which i could knw what exactly happened….i am seriously tensed

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Often, after your first time, there will be a small amount of bleeding.  If you didn’t experience that, it may mean that your partner did not penetrate you, or it may just mean that you didn’t bleed.  It’s a good idea to use a condom any time there is genital contact, to help prevent pregnancy and disease. 

      Be safe,
      —The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    lauradancer

    Im 21 years old and me and my partner have been together just over a year. Having moved in with each other and becoming engaged, we feel we are ready to try for a baby. its a decision we have both agreed on and are passionate about.
    The only trouble is, penetration hurts, and can’t go all the way in. i get far too nervous and tense and its hurts so i know I’m still a virgin.
    he understands the pain and says he don’t want to pressure me but the passion for a baby is really high for both of us, but the pain scares me and puts me off. Although i know I’m ready for sex. Im confused.
    what can i do to make sure the pain don’t affect me or to reduce the pain and relax me?
    Thanks

    • avatar1

      Reply - Quote

      ReachOut

      Congratulations on achieving a great relationship with your partner.  Best of luck to both of you!  It sounds like things are moving quickly, but there are a few difficult areas.  Sex shouldn’t be painful for you.  Often the problem is a lack of lubrication—you need to be wet enough to help your partner penetrate you easily.  That can usually be accomplished just be enjoying each other (through foreplay), but can also be enhanced by using something like K-Y, which can be purchased at any drugstore.  Your partner also needs to be fully aroused (hard).  If you’re still not able to achieve full penetration without pain, a visit to a doctor or clinic is probably a good idea.

      Feel free to join our forums to talk to your peer group about these things (anonymously) as well.  Just click the word “Forums” at the top of the page, and you’re there!

      Good luck,
      The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    shyness

    So I lost my virginity to one of my befriends yesterday. It hurt a lot and it kept hurting I didn’t blew until hours later once I was home and today not the morning after but the following night my legs ate sore which isn’t too bad but I have this felling a lot like cramps. I know I’m not on or about to start my period what’s happening? Is this normal? How do I make the pain stop?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Some bleeding after your first time is normal.  Is it possible that your legs are sore from the unaccustomed position you were in?  About the cramping:  Did he use a condom, and is there any chance that it was left inside of you?  This might cause some cramping. If that happened, you’d need to reach in and try to find it and remove it.  Sounds crazy, I know.

      Remember that we aren’t medical professionals here, so we’re just offering ideas.  If the pain and cramps continue or get worse, you should definitely see a doctor or medical person, or visit a clinic.

      Did you know that we have forums to discuss this and anything else on your mind?  To get there, you can click the word “Forums” at the top of the page, or go here:  http://us.reachout.com/forums/forum.php

      Take care,
      The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    Retrospectus

    Hi there, I’m 23 year old male virgin and I am worried about losing it but all the advice stuff out there seems to be aimed at girls.
    I’ve been up to 3rd base but most of my experiences have been bad for me (as in I regret all of them now) usually because I was drunk at the time or because I felt pressured into doing something because I feel I can’t say no as a guy. but I’ve just started dating someone I like and I want to know what I’m getting into
    can it hurt for a guy?
    is it going to be awful for her? (with my lack of experience)
    what’s a good way to bring it up? I’ve had girls lose interest real quick before when they find out. I feel like I should be ashamed

    • avatar1

      Reply - Quote

      ReachOut

      Hey!  Nice to meet you.

      That seems legitimate, the point that most info seems to be aimed toward females.  Guys need info too!  Scarleteen.com is a great site with TONS of information, and I think you’ll find it useful.  Check this:  http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality

      Main thing: you have no reason to be ashamed!  It doesn’t usually hurt for a guy, as long as everyone just moves naturally and slowly, while you get used to everything.

      Maybe, at this point, it’s best to wait for a person you really care about, someone who will recognize how special you are, and how special the experience will be, someone you don’t need to be drunk for, but someone who will go slow and spend time exploring and figuring out what feels good.  Maybe look for the PERSON, not the EXPERIENCE.  Make sense?

      This is something you could talk about with your (anonymous) peer group in our forums.  To get there, just click “Forums” at the top of this page, or go to http://us.reachout.com/forums/forum.php 

      See you there!
      —The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    Looloo

    I’m a 20 year old virgin and am thinking of losing my virginity. I’m a freaking scared because I have heard that it hurts like hell (in the words of my friend, “it is like trying to put a 2L coke bottle into a key hole, or stabbing an open sore). I feel like I am human and have *needs* but I am just scared about my first time. I have a guy who I would like to have sex with (we are not really dating, he is more of a friend, who is kida like an ex, our relationship is complicated), I “chill” with him but he has never put it all in. How do I get over this first time phobia? I feel like I’m ready at the same time though I feel anxious about it.

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Assuming you’re into it, it shouldn’t hurt much at all.  That is, if you’re aroused, you should be “wet” enough to keep things moving along without pain.  Your friend might be exaggerating a little!  grin

      Being able to talk about sex with a partner is usually a pretty good indicator of whether or not you’re ready to actually engage in it.  Can you talk to your partner? 

      This checklist might help you make some decisions:
      http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relationships/ready_or_not_the_scarleteen_sex_readiness_checklist

      Be safe!
      —The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    orenza

    Hi Reachout

    I am a mature 17 year old and I really want to lose my virginity. I constantly think about it - at home and at school - and I really just want to get it over and done with. However, I don’t have a boyfriend or male partner (I’m female).
    I really just want to experience this and get it out of the way because I have very little emotional connection. What can I do?

    Thanks smile)

  • avatar2

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    jamw

    Is it bad that I think being under the influence of alcohol will make losing my virginity easier? I’ve had plenty of opportunities to have sex with guys I’ve really liked and wanted to sleep with, but I’ve always ended up holding out because I’m too afraid that I’d be awkward and it might hurt too badly. I have a decent pain tolerance, but when I think of pain, it makes the actual pain worse than it probably is. I’m 21 and I’m ready to lose my virginity but I’d rather not sleep with a complete random and I’d rather be a bit drunk when it happens…how stupid does that sound? Is it okay that I feel this way?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Alcohol could have positives and negatives, in this regard.  On the positive side, you might be more relaxed.  On the negative side, you might lower your ability to make a good decision, to remember your first time, and to be wise in sexual safety issues.  Maybe you want to think more about why you’re waiting.  It’s ok to just not be ready, or to want to wait for a really special person or situation!

      Think it over,
      The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    S_T

    Hi, i’m an 18 year old girl and yesterday i had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. In the beginning it took awhile to get in and get things going because I was too tense but once we were in action it hurt A LOT! The pain was unlike anything before and it continued for about 10 minutes or so but after the pain was gone it just felt like nothingness. Is that normal for your first time? I’m so scared that every time, sex will just feel like nothing. Is there something wrong with me? I really just want to be able to love it and enjoy it like the rest of the world. I’m so scared. Please help if you can and tell me it’s totally normal :$

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      It sounds like you were really tense and nervous, but that you eventually were able to relax more.  Soon you’ll be able to relax to the point that you can focus on what actually feels good, and things will probably improve.  Let your mind participate in the act, as well, not just your body.  It’s ok to experiment (safely, with both partner’s permission) to find what is enjoyable.

      It gets better!
      —The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    mariaf

    I have never been more comfortable with my sexuality than I am right now, my boyfriend makes me feel really confident about my body and sex, but Im a 17 year old virgin and I wanted to know what changes my body will suffer after I lose my virginity since Im really skinny and people will notice any change on it. Also, for the same reason, I think I will be bleeding a lot, is this normal?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      There’s no reason for your body to change once you become sexually active.  Some methods of contraceptives have a side-effect of slight weight gain, but that would be unrelated.

      It’s normal to experience a little bleeding or spotting after your first time, but it shouldn’t last long, and your body-type most likely wouldn’t affect that.

      If you have access to a physician or medical professional, you could ask these questions, and perhaps talk about a birth control method.

      Good luck, and stay safe!
      —The ReachOut Crew

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    gummy_bear

    Hi, i’m 21 yrs old and i really appreciate this site. I’m confused about something and i can’t talk about it even with my closest friend. I hope you will have the patience to read this. So here goes:

    i have a friend and we both enjoy each others company but we don’t feel like being in a romantic relationship with each other. 2 months ago we started getting intimate. It was just recently that i allowed him to go “all the way in” (he never really penetrated me before, i mean there was penetration but not that deep). 2 nights ago, i think that was a day after my period, we got intimate again. Then i noticed that i experienced spotting. I didn’t mind it at first. Then the night after that, we did it again. And again i experienced spotting. and when i went to the bathroom to pee, there’s blood (the bright red type). I searched thru the internet and found out that the spotting might have been, like an excess (?) from my period, and just got out bcoz of the penetration. And as for the bright red blood, I’m not sure what caused that? Is that from my hymen breaking? Because i previously thought that my hymen already broke bcoz i did sports that had a lot of stretching going on.

    I just want to confirm this. Thanks so much for your feedback.

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Both of those possibilities sound reasonable, and are really the most likely case. A little spotting or bleeding isn’t uncommon at first.  If it continues, it’s probably something to discuss with a doctor, just to be safe.

  • avatar2

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    now_what

    I’m 23. He’s 20. We both lost our virginity a couple hours ago. We’ve been dating over a year now and even though we’d been trying our best to hold off until marriage, we ended up giving in. I’m a little disappointed in myself for letting go but what’s done is done. The real question I have is, how do I know for sure? I sound juvenile for asking, but how do I know for sure that we had sexual intercourse the right way. I don’t feel sore. I did not bleed. I didn’t feel anything tear. At first it did hurt because I felt like there was an ending point that he was pushing against. I jokingly said to him “I think you’re pushing against my appendix or liver”. That’s essentially how it felt. The pain was difficult to bear the first time he began penetrating, but we tried again after I told him to stop and he took it out. Then a couple minutes later I asked him to try again and it felt a whole lot easier to bear. Eventually, I found myself pulling him closer to me so that I could feel him as deeply as I could. I didn’t have an orgasm. I didn’t feel over joyed with pleasure. It was just pretty okay. I’m sure everyone has their own unique experience, but I wonder if that’s generally how it goes?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      It’s different for everyone, of course, but what you’re describing doesn’t sound “off”!  Many people have no real pain or discomfort, so don’t worry about that. Keep communicating with your partner—sounds like you’ve got that established, as well.

      Stay safe!
      —The ReachOut Crew

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    onelove

    Hi, I’m 19 years old and considering having sex for the first time as me and my partner are both ready, she have has sex before so she knows what she doing, I kinda know what do know but I’m not 100% sure on things. I want to be fully protected when I’m having sex, so when do I put the condom on? I wanna do some foreplay before, do I have to wait till I get under the sheets or do I let her put it on? although that is not my main concern it is still in my mind. My main concern is that after we had sex when do I remove my condom or do I simply leave it on there, which I don’t think is a comfortable thing to do but if it works. I know she is going to be emotional after so I wanna make sure that she feels her best after and make sure that she is comforted, cuddling works with her, any other suggestions?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      You’re so smart to be planning ahead for protection—congratulations for that.  A general rule is that any time your bare “parts” are going to be near each other, you should be wearing a condom.  But you can also talk to your partner as things progress, and see what she thinks. The main thing to remember is that there should definitely not be any penetration without a condom.

      As far as removing it goes, there’s usually a natural time when this happens.  Either your partner gets up to use the bathroom, or some other readjustment happens—that’s when you can handle your business.

      Good luck, and stay safe,
      The ReachOut Crew

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    Bruins

    Hi,
    I’m 20 and was a virgin until yesterday. I’m having so many emotions and am worried about getting pregnant because my mom doesn’t know and I have trouble talking to her about this. I didn’t plan for this to happen, it was just an ‘in the moment’ thing and he didn’t have a condom but now I’m feeling guilty and felt like I should’ve said no. what can I do to make myself not feel guilty about what I’ve done?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      There’s not much you can change about what’s already happened, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t make some decisions about the future.  You know now how easy it is to get caught up in a moment, so you can be prepared for next time by carrying condoms yourself, for instance.

      Maybe consider talking to your mom—she may be more supportive than you realize.

      Take care,
      The ReachOut Crew

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    sayuri80

    Hi! i am a virgin and i feel i am ready for sex. but i am kinda scared because im afraid it will hurt and i will bleed i have used dildos before big and small and i dont think i have broke my hymen yet i consider myself avirgin cause i have not had sex and i am looking for some answers before i do. i have done sexual things with a guy but he did not put it in. i found the right person i want to do it with long and complicated story behind it but he said he would take my virginity for me. i have talked to my mom about birth control and safe sex she agrees i should be on birth control. i have heard stories from girls saying it did not hurt but my mom and grandma says it did for them. will it really hurt even if i used dildos before? i use them on a daily basis. and will i bleed on my first time?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Chances are, if you’ve been using dildos quite a bit, you won’t bleed very much, if at all.  We’d encourage you to really think it over, whether you want your first time to be a “let’s get it over with” type of thing, or a special, loving time with someone you truly care for.  You only get one first!

      You’re smart to really consider birth control options.  It’s good that your mom is ready to help with that.  Don’t forget to always use a condom, along with your other method, to protect against disease.

      You’ve got this!
      —The ReachOut Crew

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    mila20

    Hi, I’m 20 years old, and I recently had sex for the first time with my boyfriend and we’re together for 8 months. It was unexpected, it just happened. But I was scared so much, afraid and I cried because it happened to me not knowing it. Me and my boyfriend didn’t wanted to do that now, and we never went far to the end, he would put his penis only a little bit and when that was happening I always had pain. This happened 3-4 times. Before we found out that I had lost my virginity I had pain, and it hurt pretty much, but we didn’t knew that it happened because there was no blood at all. Than, two days after that, we did it again, and he could go all the way and I had no pain. I didn’t knew what happened then, i was confused. He didn’t believed me at first that i was a virgin, but than we talked and he changed what he said.
    I talked to my mom the next day, and she calmed me a little bit.
    So, I wanna ask you is it normal for the girl to not bleed when she loses her virginity and why is that?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      It’s completely normal to bleed only slightly, or not at all, when you lose your virginity.  Many regular activities can cause the hymen to stretch or tear, so that when you actually have penetrative sex, it isn’t difficult, and there’s little or no blood.  Blood or no blood, if you had not had sex before, you were a virgin. 

      Don’t forget to be safe, and use protection!  You don’t want an unexpected pregnancy or disease.

      Take care,
      The ReachOut Crew

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    Love95

    Hey im 20 year old, i just Had my first time but since then I’ve been crying, every time I think about it I cry and every time I see him I cry. I can’t work without crying I can’t study without crying, I can’t do anything without crying. I think about everything, bout how I had reserved myself during 20 years and in in a very short period of time I lost it, how I always wanted to have m it with a person who I love and I gave up on it with a person that I don’t even know if I like. Anyway I’m so disappointed of myself and I wanted to know what can I do to feel better and overcome this disappointment…... Tks

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      It sounds like you have a lot of regrets about what happened.  Do you have someone that you could talk to about it?  Maybe you just need to process this change in your life.  It’s also okay to just take this situation, and let it help you form your own “rules” for future sexual activity.  You know now about regrets, and can decide what to do in the future, with that knowledge.

      You might like to talk things over with people in our forums.  They might have some good perspective for you.  You can get to there by clicking the “forums” button at the top of this page, or by going here:  http://us.reachout.com/forums/forum.php  It’s a great, supportive place to be.  Hope to see you there.

      —The ReachOut Crew

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    Raiyenn

    My girlfriend and I have been together for about 6 months. We’ve been slowly taking things a little further, but she’s been expressing a desire to possibly take it all of the way. However, I’m a virgin, and I don’t really know anything about how sex works between two people with female genitalia.
    I’m a little nervous about it, but I feel ready to do this. Is there anything I should know, and are there any other things I might need to consider given our biological sex???
    Thank you for any advice you can give me<333

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      If you’re sure you’re both ready, and that no one is being pressured, then it’s probably best to just do some exploring together, and figure out what works for the two of you.  The important thing is that you are both comfortable with whatever takes place.  Maybe you could have a conversation about expectations, boundaries, etc., and then see if you both want to proceed.  Good luck!

      —The ReachOut Crew

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    Lalx34

    Hi, I’m sixteen years old and about week ago I lost my virginity. Nothing was planned and kind of just happened out of nowhere. I was ready to lose my virginity because I knew that most due when their in high school or around my age but after it happened I honestly didn’t know how to feel. I’ve always dreamed of having my first time with someone I love and In a good environment but instead I lost it to some guy I barely knew in the back of his car. Was I wrong for that? I don’t regret it but I feel like I can never take it back and I’m stuck forever feeling like this. I used to have a crush on the guy in the beginning of the school year but now I don’t know how to feel about him. I like him but I dont want to be that hit it and quit it girl. I’ve been talking to him since after it happened trying to get to know him and hang out with him, hoping it goes somewhere but am I wrong for that? Should I not hold onto these feelings and get attached or keep trying and see if it goes somewhere? Should I tell him how I feel about him, hoping he’ll feel the same way or just wait and hope for the best? I really don’t know what to do.

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Many people experience a little regret after their first sexual experience.  It doesn’t mean anything wrong happened.  It’s just a big step, and you’re considering what it means. You liked him before, and maybe there was a good reason for that.  It wouldn’t hurt to explore those feelings now, and see if it leads somewhere.  If it doesn’t, at least you tried!

  • avatar2

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    12345A

    Hi. I’m 17 yrs old. Me and my friend had sex 2 days ago. It was our first time. His penis went in but didn’t went that far and he tried putting it in again and I felt it was inside but not deep and I felt a little bit pain so we didn’t go any further.  We did not use any condom and I’m afraid of getting pregnant. Neither one of us even had orgasms. I did not experience any bleeding after that. In percentage form, at what rate is the possibility that I’ll be pregnant? I’m really scared but please be honest.

    • avatar2

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      real_don

      am 21 have sex lots of time my first time i had sex i never bleed am i still a virgin? they say your hood should bleed

      • avatar1

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        ReachOut

        Not everyone bleeds the first time they have sex.  You said you’ve had sex many times—most people would consider you not a virgin now.  There are many reasons why a person wouldn’t bleed, and typically it’s not something to worry about. Sounds like you were fortunate!

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      There’s no way for us to know whether or not you’re pregnant, of course.  Any time there is unprotected sexual contact, with or without ejaculation, there is a possibility of pregnancy occurring.  Condoms are a good deterrent for pregnancy and disease, and they’re easily available at most stores. 

      The important thing is for you to make plans to be safe in all future sexual encounters.  Plan ahead!  Get the supplies you need, and keep them handy.

      Take care of yourself,
      The ReachOut Crew

      • avatar2

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        yolex

        hey , so recently I’ve attempted to have sexual intercourse with someone i love and yet we can’t get it to go inside of me… since these are unplanned attempts we rarely ever have protection but , over the 3 or so times weve tried it never turned out that i was pregnant. But we tried again today and i worried and I was wondering if it was possible to get pregnant by trying to get it in , yet never really getting it through the hymen . I dont think im pregnant but i was just curious if it was possible.  After this time we will surely use protection every attempt, but If you could help answer this it would be great ! thanks .

        • avatar1

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          ReachOut

          Any time there is unprotected sexual contact, with or without ejaculation or full penetration, there is a possibility of pregnancy occurring.  It sounds like you know you need protection in the future, which is good! Condoms are a good deterrent for pregnancy and disease, and they’re easily available at most stores. 

          Stay safe!
          —The ReachOut Crew

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    kaneki

    Hey well im 16 and my girlfriend too. We have like 3months of relationship but we have been talking and dating for 6months.So she told me that she wanted to be a virgin till marrige and I dont think I could wait that long since I dont think of getting married till 30 maybe. I really love her and I totally respect her decision. So later then I talked about like trying different things and she told me it was ok,but I haven’t tried anything new since I dont know what kind of limits she haves.

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      It seems like the most important thing is for both of you to be clear about what you want and need, and then decide if it’s worth staying in a relationship.  She needs to be able to express what her limits are, and if that truly isn’t enough for you, it’s ok for you to say so, and move on.  But if you care a lot about her, it’s also ok for you to give it some time, and see if minds change, as long as neither of you is pushing the other, and both are being respectful.

      Good luck!
      —The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    jemjem

    im planning on loosing my v-card tomoro on the beach…im 15….very skinny….never pushed anything inside me,so im scared….i really want to loose it….he’s not a virgin.but hes sweeett…help!!! i dont hve any lubricant…are there any substites??

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      You can find lubricant at any drugstore, and you’ll probably want to have some, since it’s your first time.  Hopefully you and your partner have discussed protection, and one (or both!) of you will have condoms.  You can also get those at a drugstore.  You probably want to prevent pregnancy, and it’s always important to protect yourself from disease.  Be safe, be careful, but most of all, be SURE that you’re ready.  There’s only one first time.

      Take care of yourself,
      The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    idk

    what if you used a deldo would you still lose your virginity?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      We’re not sure if there’s a real “scientific” answer to that!  It’s probably for you to decide.  Different people have different definitions for what it means to be a virgin.  Don’t feel pressured to accept any label that you’re not comfortable with!

  • avatar2

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    Mikachuuu

    Hi, I’m a high school student which recently had a problem with a guy.. shortly, all he did was to push his penis inside a bit.. it hurt and I bleed only a little bit but nothing else happened. Does that mean I’m not a virgin anymore?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      When you say you had a problem with a guy, do you mean that what happened wasn’t with your consent?  Is that something you want to talk about?  Are you OK?

      You might consider visiting a doctor or clinic to talk things over with them.  Or you could call the Your Life Your Voice helpline at 1-800-448-3000, and have a chat with them, too. The helpline is free and confidential, and available 24/7.  They can definitely answer all your questions.

  • avatar2

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    Shorty101

    Im a 16 year old virgin…im talking to someone and i really like him and he likes me…and i want to have sex with him but im scared that my first time will hurt…what do i do??

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      This is definitely something to talk over with your partner before you make your decision, so he knows you’re concerned about it.  Taking your time, using plenty of lubrication (like K-Y), and finding a position that is comfortable for both of you can really help. The important thing is choosing the right person to share your first time with—be sure you’re sure!

      • avatar2

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        hs

        i am 21 years and we loved each other and we have a relationship from last many years and she is of 22 years ...i m very desperate for sex with her and she too but she is not agree coz she thinks that our feelings and our love will reduce after sex and the feeling of first night after marriage will be as usual if we had sex before marriage ..but as now i convinced her by my love that we have to coz its our feeling we love each other ...so tell me is it good to had sex?. I want to ask u that really after sex love will reduced or anything will happen between our love our attraction our feeling .....will i got bore after my first sex with my girlfriend…tell me plzzzz…we love each other and we don’t want to loose each other…help me

        • avatar1

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          ReachOut

          It seems like your girlfriend does not feel sure that she wants to engage in sex, and you also don’t seem very sure.  Maybe it’s a good idea to delay longer?  You seem like you really love each other—you could show each other that love in many ways, while waiting for the time to be right for sex, for BOTH of you.  There’s no hurry!

          Take care,
          The ReachOut Crew

          • avatar2

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            hs

            we decided that we sex as we have very strong feelings for that as we have wait for long time now we are not able to control our feelings for each other for sex and we have convinced each other for sex ....but i want to know as i have discussed regarding sex with my friends that after sex love attraction feelings and everything changes ???is it true ....we don’t want that after sex our feelings, love and attraction anything would changed ...we dont want to loose each other ...so what you suggest is it really true sex will finish or decrease our feelings love attraction….i will wait for ur reply ...thank u soo much ...take care u too

            • avatar1

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              ReachOut

              If you truly love EACH OTHER, and you aren’t just thinking about having sex, then it’s likely that your feelings won’t change after you are intimate with each other.  No one can really predict what will happen later, though.  Just make sure you continue to show respect and love for each other.  Talk in advance about how you will prevent pregnancy. 

              We wish you luck!
              —ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    Adam

    And please tell me can she regain her verginity ?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      It all depends on how you define the word. 

      A female cannot regain virginity in the sense that the hymen, or the membrane that usually is present in a woman who hasn’t yet had intercourse, doesn’t re-grow.  However, other people feel that if a person stops having intercourse, they can begin to call themselves a virgin again. 

      It’s all a bit confusing, isn’t it?  It’s important to discuss these things with your potential partner, to be sure you both feel the same way.

  • avatar2

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    Adam

    We planed to have a sex on next week , we both are vergin but I am no comfortable with this because I know I cant be her life partner so is it right to lose aur verginity ? what will the response of her life partner when he knows that she is not vergin ? plesae reply

    • avatar2

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      Innosaint

      We planed to have a sex on next week , we both are vergin but I am no comfortable with this because I know I cant be her life partner so is it right to lose aur verginity ? what will the response of her life partner when he knows that she is not vergin ? plesae reply

      Sincerely it doesn’t really matter because I used to feel the same. As I grew I got to know that it’s all in the head and it’s very selfish. Most guys have that fantasy of having sex with different girls whenever they want(even with virgins) and marrying a virgin when the time comes. How does that work? The question is, You want to have sex as a teenager and get married to an unsoiled virgin? Then who is going to marry those you had sex with? So you see it makes no sense. Just do it when you feel like it’s right for you, no matter any disappointments, with time you’ll get over it. Except for those that are true to the course by being a virgin and marrying a virgin. If you meet one you’ll know.

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Hi Adam,

      It seems like you’re struggling with the whole idea of “right and wrong” when it comes to sexual activity.  Have you and your potential partner discussed those aspects?  Is there someone else that you could discuss it with, before you proceed?  Maybe a family member, a member of a religious organization, a school counselor, or some other person that you trust?

      It’s fine to delay these decisions until you BOTH are really sure, especially while you are having so many uncertainties about it.

      Take care,
      The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    Jade123

    this is for does girls that think that 18 and they still virgin , let me give you a piece of advice i am a 23 years old Virgin and i am not embarrassed to admit that i like my status just as it is as a matter of fact i been keeping my virginity not because i am scare of what may happen or just waiting for prince charming to take me over. the last couple years i have learn that not all mans are the same but most of them look for the same thing pleasure .

    many of my friends that are already with family they look at my life style and they most of them said “i wish i was like you if i just could have wait for the right one”
    that what most of my friend make the mistake i am not waiting for him. i am doing this because of myself because i deserved something good it may take 20 years or even 30 years but at the end i don’t need a man to survive.

  • avatar2

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    akitty

    I feel ready to have sex. I’m 18 and sick of my virgin status (no, this is NOT a peer pressure issue, I just feel that 18 is too old to still be a virgin. That’s just my opinion.) The problem is, I can’t find anyone. Nobody wants me! Don’t tell me the right person will come along because you don’t know! I just need to know what’s wrong with me that no one wants me. I have known a lot of guys, and all of them just thought of me as a friend or sister. I’ve asked a lot of guys out and all of them have rejected me outright. So understandable I still have never been on a proper date, have never even been kissed. I’m ready to do these things, but no one wants to do these things with me and it hurts. Am I ugly? Boring? Unworthy? What is it? I feel as though I’m being excluded from one of life’s greatest joys. It makes me want to cry, I just can’t help thinking no one will ever want me.

    • avatar2

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      Innosaint

      [...]
      1).
      Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin no matter how long it takes. I know I shouldn’t be saying this but I think it’s necessary. Two girls lost their virginity to me(Not proud of it, just saying). The 1st was 25, 5 years older than me and the 2nd(presently my GF) is 22, 2 years younger than me as of today(I’ll soon be 24 in few days). They both met other guys before me, heck the 1st one cheated with me. So it’s just a matter of time, doesn’t matter when.
      2).
      There’s nothing like nobody wants(That’s all wrong). Something like that doesn’t exist. There’s always someone for a person and not in the next country or continent, they are right around. Just hold on a little more, besides you could meet him anywhere.
      3).
      Please do not be in a hurry to meet someone and gift out your virginity as it can be mostly intimate and emotional. Believe me if done with a wrong person you could hurt yourself(emotionally). So all you need is being yourself, that’s it. Do not force yourself, [...]

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Hi akitty,

      It sounds like you’re a very intelligent and introspective person. Those are great qualities to have. I am sure there is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes these things just take time. I won’t say the “right” person will come along, but I will say that at 18 you definitely still have plenty of time for A person to come along. It will happen, don’t you worry! smile

      The people that are attracted to you, and that you are attracted to, will change dramatically in the next few years as you and those around you mature. Your tastes and desires will change as well. I think it’s great that you feel ready, but don’t rush it. You have plenty of time to experience these firsts, and there is no set “deadline” for it.

      You will find the person who appreciates you just as you are, and that person will likely be the one you decide to share your firsts with.

      The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    tropicalvodkaa94

    I lost my virginity two days ago, on the second day I bleed a little, and today I bleed again. Don’t know it’s something normal?

    • avatar1

      Reply - Quote

      ReachOut

      Hi tropical, we’re not medical professionals so we can’t give medical advice but it could possibly be a normal reaction to losing your virginity. Some bleeding is sometimes common at first but bleeding for days after may not be. You may want to talk to an adult or medical professional. Is it possible you are starting your period? That could be a cause of the bleeding as well.

      Either way, please take care of yourself and seek medical help if you continue to bleed.

      Take care,

      The ReachOut Crew

  • avatar2

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    redmick9

    hey im going to be haveing sex for the first time and just wonted to know what is it going to be like

    • avatar2

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      misha93

      Hello there , i really need some help , so im a 21 year old virgin ( was at least ) and i had sex for the first time couple of weeks ago with this great girl , problem is , i feel like she doesnt want go forward ( have a relationship , boyfriend , etc ) ... and i really like her , like really , and i dont know if this is just because the sex , or is it real feelings im having , what do u think ? thanks!
      PS: we did have sex 2 more times after that , and was better wink i also hate like im being the woman here ...

      • avatar1

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        ReachOut

        Feelings don’t have a gender! You can’t help how you feel.  Have you told her that you like her a lot?  Maybe being honest would be best—at least you’d know how she feels, and wouldn’t feel the anxiety from wondering.

        Good luck!
        —The ReachOut Crew

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      The experience is different for every person.  It’s best to make sure you’re with someone you care about, and that you’re protected from pregnancy and disease.  This fact sheet can give you more information about preparing to be sexually active:  http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/thinking-about-having-sex

  • avatar2

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    Ag

    Hi there. We have a 5 year difference on age (which isn’t a problem with my parents or anything) and we are both virgins. We tried having sex for the first time last saturday. It wasn’t planned or anything, just happened with the flow. The problem is: it just wouldn’t go in! If he tried putting in, it would hurt and I couldn’t take it so it turned out we tried and tried and tried, but all the time it would hurt. At the begging I had a lot of lubrication (so I know that wasn’t the problem why would hurt) but either way wouldn’t go in. We also tried different positions, but still didn’t help. And he was doing it super slowly too. After a while he putted his finger in to see if it would help us figure out, I am not sure how far in his finger went, but I know that it would hit a point in which would hurt. So idk whats wrong. Do you have anything in mind it could be? Maybe cause my muscles weren’t relaxed? Or…?

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      ReachOut

      It sounds like you tried a lot of the usual tips, and it didn’t help much, so we’d have to suggest that you see a doctor about it!  Of course, you could always try relaxing, taking the pressure off, just enjoying each other without worrying about how it ends, and then see how it goes.  But if you continue to feel pain, a doctor should be able to tell you why.  And don’t forget to be safe!

      —The ReachOut Crew

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    itsabarbie

    I just had sex for the first time but why do i feel so guilty i cant even look at myself why can i even to to him about it why do i feel so uncomfortable ?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      It’s normal to have complicated feelings after your first sexual experience.  It’s a big deal!  But you seem like you’re really struggling a lot.  Is there more going on?  Did you feel like you were pressured?  Are your feelings for him not really resolved?  Do you regret being with him?  It seems like you might want to talk about it to someone.  If you don’t feel comfortable talking about it with someone you know and trust (or even if you do, but just want some outside help) the Your Life Your Voice helpline is a great place to call.  The number is 1-800-448-3000, and they are there 24/7 to talk to you about any situation. If you aren’t ready to call now, you could put the number in your phone, and call later.

      You might also want to click on the “forums” button at the top of this page, and talk to your peers about this, and anything else.

      We’re here for you!
      —The ReachOut Crew

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    Animegirl

    Me and my Bf are both virgins. I’m 22 and he’s 23. I wants some on how not to make it hurt so bad. How to make me relax, calm and comforable. I done foe replay in the past with other guys but never got to sex. Any tips on him as well to help him.

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      ReachOut

      The real benefit of having sex is the feeling of being close and valued. It’s OK to just spend that time with your boyfriend, exploring and experimenting, so you still have that feeling of closeness. Make sure you’re being safe (by using a condom every time), and you will probably want some kind of lubrication (like KY lube, or something similar). It’s OK to try different positions, as well.  Neither of you feels pressured to do anything, though. If you’ve been trying, and can’t quite get it done, you could talk to a doctor about it, and see if he has any ideas.

      Good luck!
      —The ReachOut Team

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    franzine

    It’s my first time with my boyfriend, but when we try it’s difficult because it’s hurts even when he tries slowly. What can I do?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Sometimes discomfort can be helped by using lubrication, such as KY or other products that you can find at most drug stores.  Changing positions can also help—for instance, if you’re trying with your boyfriend on top, maybe switch to you on top.  We aren’t medical professionals, but it shouldn’t be super painful, and if it is, you should probably talk to your doctor about it.  Good luck!

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    ketch

    helo again,me and my boyfriend were just making out and is both our first time…it was difficult inserting in me and it hurt a bit when he was trying to find his way through..my question is when we were making out is kept removing and when sperms were coming he took it out..we cleaned both the penis and sheets thoroughly, i saw fluid on my thighs and cleaned them though…we tried it again buh dis tym no sperm came out…pls i want to know if i can get pregnant. if yes pls tell me the probability..coz am feeling quite nervous after i read some of ur replies…please help me! please.

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      sskd

      hi i just had something to ask im ready to have sex with my boyfriend who has already had sex before its my first time im not scared we have talked about the consequence’s of having sex and contraception and all of that he isnt forcing me into having sex with him either but i just dont know what to do during sex like were my legs go or what i do? help me please

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        ReachOut

        It’s good that you’ve talked everything over before you proceed.  Do you have a good plan for being safe, so you’re protected from pregnancy and disease?  As far as the mechanics of it all, it really does happen pretty naturally, most of the time.  In general, your legs will probably end up on the outside of his legs.  It’s OK to do anything that you’re both comfortable with doing. Don’t be afraid to ask him to slow down, or take it a little slower, so you can get gradually adjusted to everything.  There’s no rush!

        Best of luck to you, and don’t forget to be safe!
        —The ReachOut Crew

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      ReachOut

      Hi ketch, yes it is possible that you could get pregnant. Nothing is 100% except for abstaining entirely. We can’t give you odds or percentages, but if you had sex and your boyfriend ejaculated the chance is there. We recommend visiting with a local clinic or your physician for further medical advice.

      Best wishes,
      The ReachOut Crew

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    correa63

    my parents are really strict and me and my boyfriend want to take it to the next level how can i be with my boyfriend and hide it from my parents?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Hey there,

      This page from Avert might help you, along with our own fact sheet: http://www.avert.org/am-i-ready-sex.htm  If you are SURE you are ready, the important thing is to be prepared in advance so that you can be safe (condoms, etc.).  Beyond that, it’s fine to just relax and let things happen at their own pace. 

      —The ReachOut Crew

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    XxnomnomrocksxX

    Hey im a 17 year old male and me and my girlfriend both have strong feeling for each other and want to take our relationship to another level i heard there is tons of changes on the females part and im kinda worried but what is main thing is we want to hide it from her mom my girlfriends mom is strict she just seen me kissing her regularly nothing more and shes like if i catch you to again you can see him till your 18 how can i hide taking my girlfriends virginity with out her mom knowing

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      ReachOut

      Hi there, I’m sure her mom is just looking out for her and has her best intentions at heart. It sounds like things could go south if you two hide this from her and proceed down this path without her consent. This is something you should really consider before making this move, in some states depending on age you could get in legal trouble. There’s nothing wrong with waiting awhile and earning her mother’s trust. But if you absolutely feel that the time is now, please be sure to practice safe sex, use condoms and at least a secondary form of birth control. Check out our other factsheet for more information: http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/thinking-about-having-sex

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    awt123

    dear admin, today i did sex with my friend but the sad thing is that after 10 to 15 sec of intercourse bleeding was happened continuously from my penis.. i know i was losing my virginity. But i am afraid of penis erection.. is it normal to all males?? and will my penis erect after the wound recovers??
    please help. reply as soon as possible.

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Hi there! We’re not medical professionals so we can’t really advise on proper care for your body, we definitely recommend going to see a doctor if you are experiencing troubles. It could be beneficial to you to speak with a school counselor or medical professional about intercourse - they will have a lot of great information to share with you about everything you are experiencing. Please practice safe sex, no matter what! We have some factsheets you could check out too: http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/losing-your-virginity http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/condoms http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/taking-care-of-your-sexual-health

      Good luck!
      The ReachOut Crew

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    asvp_nae

    hi im scared to lose mine because most of my friends lost theirs as an 8th grader and gotten pregnant : they used a condom also . I told my boyfriend ill be ready 9th or 10th grade he said hes ready when im ready .

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Hey there asvp_nae. It’s great that you’re waiting until you feel ready and that your boyfriend supports that. There’s no rush and don’t let someone pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do. If you have some questions about safe sex, pregnancy, and STD’s, check out these Fact Sheets: http://us.reachout.com/facts/romance-sexuality-and-pregnancy/safe-sex-and-stds Best .of luck!

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    jkat343

    So I am a freshmen in college and have had a college boyfriend for about 3 months now. We spend a lot of time together and I really like him. He can make me laugh and has the best jokes. However on the weekends he always asks me to sleep in his room and we do stuff together because his roommate goes home. He has had sex before and I haven’t I think I love him but I’m not ready to have sex yet. He always asks me too and tells me that I’m am only being stubborn about sex when honestly to me sex would be a big deal and I don’t think I am prepared for it. How do I communicate that I really like him and the fact that I don’t want to have sex doesn’t change that because I have tried to tell him this and he just keeps pushing for sex.

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Hey jkat343. That’s a tough situation to be in. Having sex for the first time is a big decision and it’s totally okay that you’re not ready. Talk to your boyfriend just like you talked to us here - honestly and from the heart. Tell him you love him, but you’re not ready, and he needs to respect that and stop pushing. If it’s too hard for him to have you spend the night without having sex, you might want to think about not doing that for a while. Best of luck!

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    kittykitty16

    i am 16 years old and i am 19 weeks pregnant… and i am saying if you want to lose your virginity make sure its to the right guy who will take care of you no matter what happens and make sure you know the consequences. not all guys will stay with you… my sister got pregnant at 16 and her baby daddy ditched her so please wait until you know your mature enough to handle the consequences…

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    redrose92

    when i was 15 i made a promise to god and have kept it until now. now i am 21 and had sex for the first time but during sex it hurt, i talked to a close friend and she said that my partner may have been forcing it and doing it to hard. can that be ?? i also felt used at the end of it and not only that but i felt ashamed of me not keeping my promise to god. my partner wants to do it again but i am a little scares because of the Experience and the fact that it hurt after is that normal ??

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      Although your first time can be a little uncomfortable, it really shouldn’t hurt so much.  If you’re having pain, it could be that you need more lubrication, you need to change positions, or your partner is in too much of a hurry.  Talk to your partner before the next time, and let them know that you need to be able to communicate about it, and that a slow experience would be better for you.  Good luck!

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    sizzy98

    I’m a fifteen year old virgin who is in love with God.  I fell in love with him when I was about twelve, and the next year my parents bought me a ring, which became my promise ring.  A promise ring, or purity ring, is promising God to save yourself for marriage and a no drugs/alcohol thing.  Well now I’m starting to doubt my ability- or desire- to keep my promise to God.  If I decide I’m ready to have sex, should I even though I promised God not to?  Would that be bad?  Or is it really better to wait anyways?

    • avatar1

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      ReachOut

      It sounds like you’ve worn your purity ring “successfully” for about three years.  That’s pretty awesome.  Sometimes the decisions you make for yourself at one age are right for that age, but then our needs and priorities change at a different age.  It seems like even though you’re questioning this decision, your faith is very important to you, so maybe you could reach out to a trusted person from within your church, and talk to them about it?  At least you would feel like you’d received advice from a variety of resources, before you make a choice.

      This would be a great topic to discuss on our forums, where people can interact more easily.  Have you ever been there?  To participate, just go here:  http://us.reachout.com/forums/forum.php  Feel free to post this as a topic!

      Thanks,
      The ReachOut Crew

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