I think I might be gay, lesbian or bisexual or transgender

Photo by: Gache Wurzn

…but what if I don’t know for sure?

Trying to know for sure if you’re attracted to someone of the same sex can be very confusing. The process of discovering sexuality differs for everyone. It might take a while for you to figure it out, and there’s no need to rush. Some gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender people say they “felt different” from the time when they were young. They had an idea or sensed they might be different, but it took a while to think of themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. As they grew older, they realized that those words fit in with their feelings.

Many other people don’t discover their attractions until later in adolescence and some not even into adulthood. If you’re feeling confused, you’re not alone. It isn’t unusual to feel attracted to someone you’re close to or admire, like a close friend or a great teacher. But this doesn’t mean you’re gay, a lesbian, or bisexual.

You also don’t need to be sexually active with other people to recognize your sexuality. One or two experiences with someone of the same sex may not mean you’re gay, a lesbian, or bisexual, just as one or two experiences with someone of the opposite sex may not mean you’re straight.

Sexual orientation and gender identity, like many things in life, develop over time. Don’t worry if you aren’t sure. Experimentation and exploration are often a part of figuring things out. Over time, you’ll find that you are drawn mostly to men or women, or both, and you’ll know then. And over time your questions about gender will also become clearer.

Remember: A label is something you need to feel comfortable with, and you don’t have to label yourself today or ever. The choice is yours.

For more information

There are many misunderstandings about sexuality and gender, and exploring your sexuality might be a confusing thing to do, whether you’re straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. If you’re curious to learn more about your sexuality, you might want to check out these additional fact sheets:

• Coming out;
• Ten things to consider when coming out;
• Being bisexual;
• Being gay;
• Being a lesbian

These resources may also be helpful:

Trevor Project and Trevor helpline (1-866-488-7386)
GLBT National Resource Database
National GLBT Talkline (1-800-246-7743)
National GLBT Hotline (1-888-843-4564)
GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network
The National Day of Silence (brings attention to anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in schools).
National Coalition for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender Youth
Youth Resource, a website by and for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning young people
PFLAG, Parents, families, and friends of lesbians and gays

Last reviewed: Mar 13, 2013

Responses

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  Reply - Quote

  heroclyc

  Honestly, I’m a bit disappointed in this article, there is only one mention of gender identity despite transgender being in the title. To group these groups together is common, but really they don’t have as much in common as one might think and the problems that I face as a transsexual are much different than what someone might face as a bisexual. I’m just tired of being marginalized in articles such as this, and to come here and realize that there really aren’t any good specific resources for someone in my position is disheartening at best.

  January 01, 2010
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  Reply - Quote

  ReachOut Staff

  Would you help us get it right?

  August 03, 2012
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  Reply - Quote

  Jillian Thies

  I really think asexual should be added to the list. Asexuals don’t face the same discrimination the GLBT too often get, but it’s also not very common or very heard of, so many asexuals are left feeling alone & “abnormal” because of it. True, many people may end up being late bloomers, but some people just don’t “bloom” at all.

  July 31, 2011
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  Reply - Quote

  Laura Bluhm

  Exactly! I think I am

  August 01, 2011
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  Reply - Quote

  Kerry Jacob O'Neil

  I think I have something that may help… I’m a trans man and I was interviewed for NPR/ WBEZ recently. They were doing stories on LGBT teenagers with mental issues. The text of the broadcast is on the page, but I suggest you listen to it instead of reading it. Just click “listen to the story” in the red box above the photo. Listening is a lot better. Here is a link:
  http://www.wbez.org/story/out-shadows-wearing-wrong-skin-93340

  I hope this is helpful. I know if I heard something like this a few years before my transition, my life would have been a lot easier.

  November 13, 2011
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  Reply - Quote

  heroclyc

  Im not entirely sure what to do, but i suppose i could give it a shot.

  August 03, 2012
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  Reply - Quote

  ReachOut Staff

  Thanks for your interest in providing perspective ... we will have someone from the Reach Out Crew follow up with you!

  August 03, 2012
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  Reply - Quote

  Lunatic

  i’m bisexual but i don’t know if my friends will accept me if I tell them. I have told a few but i am scared to tell my other friends. What do i do…

  August 03, 2012
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  Reply - Quote

  ReachOut Staff

  Hi there - You might want to check out fact sheets on Reach Out under Romance, Sexuality, and Pregnancy, GLBT - Coming out—and Ten things to Consider When Coming Out. We hope those will help.
  the Reach Out Crew

  August 03, 2012
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  Reply - Quote

  Evony BluePoofyperson Ervin

  I’m very confused by this, it explains a lot about being a lesbian, or gay, but there’s almost nothing about being transgender. I’ve wanted to be a boy for a while now, but it’s confusing, because I want to be a gay boy, it doesn’t make sense to me and I’ve been searching all over the internet for help (because I’m scared to talk to anyone in real life) and I thought this would be reliable, it was quite a dissapointment that this didn’t say anything to help me… Can anyone help?

  August 13, 2012
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  Reply - Quote

  ReachOut Staff

  Hi Evony - we’re sorry you didn’t find enough content in this fact sheet to help you. It’s great feedback for us to develop some specific content around transgender issues. In the meantime, you might ask your specific questions to our friends at The Trevor Project - http://www.thetrevorproject.org/dear-trevor/youth We ar.e confident you will find some answers and the support you’re looking for. You can always call them 24/7 as well. Take care, ReachOut

  August 14, 2012

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