Holidays with your family

Photo by: twcollins

Why do holidays turn out to be stressful sometimes?

The holidays may be a busy time for many families. There are many reasons why including:

• People are working longer hours at work to get things finished before the holidays;
• Some holidays like Christmas and Hanukkah adds financial stress;
• Some families travel for the holidays or will have travel guests in their home;
• It is difficult to find time to get all the shopping (for gifts or food) done in time;
• Juggling various commitments such as going to various family, work or social events and functions.

Everyone reacts differently to these things and sometimes people overreact because they are stressed and tired. For example, Thanksgiving can be a time when families argue more than they usually do, over what may seem like petty things (this might be particularly the case with extended family who you only see once or twice a year). If there are different opinions within the group, it might mean that people are a little more on edge. Trying to understand people’s reactions might help you to manage how you deal with holiday stress. Respecting each other’s space might help you to get along better with those you are spending the holidays with.

It is a good idea to try to take some time out and remember that the holidays are for celebration. Changing your mindset by taking a walk; listening to music; reading a book or just having some patience might make all the difference in how you handle the holidays with your family. Sometimes it helps to remember that you will only be with them for a short time and to actually enjoy that time. If you are finding that things are still getting to you, it might be helpful to talk to someone about how you are feeling. This might mean talking to the person or people involved in what is upsetting you out to see if you can work something out together. Sometimes, people may not be aware that they are making you sad or angry. You might also prefer to talk with someone who is not so close to the situation. The Boys Town National Hotline at 1-800- 448-3000 has trained volunteers who are available 24 hours a day.

Splitting your time between your parents

If your parents are divorced or separated, you might have to split your holiday between your parents’ places or you might need to alternate holidays with your parents. Either way it might be stressful or you might even feel guilty for spending time with one parent over the other. Your parents might also add to this by being upset if you are not spending the holiday with them.

It might help to talk with your parents about how you are going to split your time during the holidays. Work out a plan with your parents for the holidays. If your parents live close to each other, you might want to do lunch at one place and dinner at the other (swapping each year). If you live a little further away, then you can switch the holidays each year. For instance, you can have Thanksgiving with one parent and Christmas/Hanukkah with the other one year and switch it the next year.

Juggling time with your family and your boy/girlfriend

Holidays are celebrations that you might want to share with all those you love and care for in your life. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, you might also want to spend time with them and their families. But your family might expect you to stay home with them. Sometimes it can be hard to balance the two. You might need to think about how you can spend time with your family and your boy/girlfriend.

You may be able to create a special time to see your girlfriend/boyfriend. Or maybe your family wouldn’t mind if your boy/girlfriend spends the holidays with them too. If you split your time, you might even be able to spend some time with your boy/girlfriends’ families too. If your family is going away for holidays, you may want to have your own holiday celebration with your boy/girlfriend. You can do that a few days before or after you go away. It would be like having two holidays instead of one!

Spending the holidays away from your family

Spending holidays away from your family can be lonely but it doesn’t have to be. If you are not spending the holidays with them, you might want to plan a holiday celebration with friends who are in a similar situation. There are additional options. For example, either by yourself or with some friends, you can volunteer to help with a holiday meal at a homeless shelter or pass out coats or gifts to children and families in need. Volunteering to help others may make up for not spending time with your family.

Last Reviewed: July 10, 2009

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