Friendships

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Who are friends?

Friends are an important part of our lives. Our friends are usually people we trust and respect. Like any relationship, friendships generally require work, and it’s not uncommon if you make changes in a friendship.

It might not be easy to maintain friendships, and sometimes friends can disappoint you. This can make it difficult to work out who your friends are. Making a list of what makes a good friend might help you determine what you value in a friendship and who you should be hanging out with. Sometimes trusting your gut feeling about a friendship can also help answer the questions you have. Check out the fact sheet on Maintaining a happy relationship for more information on helping to keep a friendship strong.

Managing arguments

Sharing ideas and opinions with each other is part of having a friendship. Having different ideas and opinions is normal, and these differences might lead to arguments. You might feel hurt, disappointed, angry, sad or lonely when you disagree with a friend. These feelings may make it difficult to manage the argument.

Working through a disagreement can make a friendship stronger. Here are some tips for managing differences with your friend.

Accept your differences. The differences between you and your friend make you individuals, and can keep a friendship exciting. Understanding and accepting these differences gives you a place to start to resolve the disagreement. Doing this still allows you both to have to different opinions, but through understanding each other you might be able to agree to disagree.

Talk with your friend. Letting your friend know how you feel might be helpful. Keeping stuff to yourself could make you angrier. It is a good idea to speak to your friend when you both feel calm. To help you be clear about what you want to say, it might be helpful to write down some of your thoughts before the conversation. Talking to someone else you trust can also help you to work out how you are going to approach your friend. Helpful people to talk to might include another friend, a family member, teacher or counselor. If you decide to talk to someone, try focusing on how you feel rather than what the friend has done or said.

Listen to your friend. Allow your friend to tell his or her side of the story and really listen to him or her. It might be tempting to interrupt, but instead, try and wait until your friend has finished.

Try to avoid blame. When you’re hurt and angry, it can be normal to want to blame someone, but laying blame may make a situation worse. To avoid blaming your friend, it might be helpful to stay focused on how you feel, instead of what your friend has done or said.

Decision to end the friendship

Over time, your interests might change. This can mean that you have less in common with your friend and ending the friendship might be the best thing to do. When a friendship ends, it might involve several people and it can be difficult to stay part of a group. You might feel lonely. Talking to someone you trust like another friend, family member, teacher or counselor might be helpful.

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