Developing coping strategies

Photo by: lodewijkB

In some situations, despite our best efforts, we still can’t fix the problems we find ourselves in. If you’ve tried a number of problem-solving strategies and none of them have worked, it might be time to focus on developing skills to help you cope with your problem. Coping strategies can help you learn to accept situations that are beyond your control and find ways to help you feel better even if the problem still exists.

To develop coping strategies, try taking the following actions.

Challenge negative self-talk that can make you feel bad. For more information, check out the Challenging negative self-talk fact sheet.

Talk to people who can support you.  For ideas on who you might want to talk to, check out the Get Help section.

Relax. Check out the Relaxation fact sheet for tips on how you can chill out.

Distract yourself when you think about your problem too much by focusing your energy and attention on something else. You might want to try hanging out with friends, watching a movie or going for a run.

Get involved in other enjoyable activities so that you don’t focus exclusively on your problem.

Practice acceptance

As you might have read in the Problem solving fact sheet, when you’re faced with a difficult situation, an important question to ask is:

What’s the best thing I can do to resolve this problem?

If there’s anything you can do, it’s important to work through the options one step at a time. But sometimes you might find yourself in a situation that you can’t change, no matter how much you would like things to be different.

For example, there isn’t very much you can do about your height, your age, most of your physical features or the family you were born into. There are also things that have happened in the past that you can’t change, like an essay or exam that you failed, an argument that you had with someone, your parents getting divorced or a close friend moving away. What has happened has happened, and we can’t change the past.

The best way to deal with situations you can’t change is to practice acceptance. This means accepting the way things are without insisting that they should be different, and deciding to get on with life in spite of the situation.

Acceptance

A good way to practice acceptance is to use the following statement:

This is how it is!

Not how it:

• was;
• might have been; or
• should have been.

And not how I:

• want it to be;
• hoped it would be; or
• planned it to be.

I accept that this is how it is, and now I will get on with my life in a positive way.

Try it out

Is there a situation that you don’t like? If you can change it, try working through the eight steps in the Problem solving fact sheet to find a solution to your problem. If not, see how you feel after trying to accept the situation. What can you say to yourself to accept the situation? What sorts of things can you do to get on with your life in a positive way, in spite of the problem?

Remember that problems are a normal part of life, and that we usually feel better when we do something to resolving them rather than just dwell on them. But, if you can’t solve the problem, it’s helpful to change the way you think about it. Practice acceptance and move on with life in a positive way.

Acknowledgement:

This fact sheet comes from:
Taking Charge! A Guide for Teenagers: Practical Ways to Overcome Stress, Hassles and Upsetting Emotions
by Dr. Sarah Edelman and Louise Rémond
Foundation for Life Sciences (2005)

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