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Challenging negative self-talk
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Even though you can’t always control the situation you’re in or change other people, you can change the way you think about the situation or person. Self-talk refers to those thoughts or things you say to yourself.
The problem with self-talk is that what you think or say to yourself might seem true. You might assume that your thoughts are facts, when in actuality they are your perceptions. Sometimes these perceptions might be biased or incorrect.
Self-talk can be skewed towards the negative, and sometimes it’s just plain wrong. Especially if you’re depressed, it’s likely that you could be interpreting things negatively. When you feel anxious, depressed or stressed out, your self-talk is likely to become extreme—you’ll be liable to expect the worst and focus on the most negative aspects of your situation. So it’s helpful to try and put things in perspective.
That’s why it’s useful to keep an eye on the things you tell yourself, and challenge some of the negative aspects of your thinking. You can test, challenge and change your self-talk by identifying the irrational parts and replacing them with more reasonable, truthful thoughts.
Changing the way you think about things might not be easy at first, but with time and practice, you’ll get better at it. Give it a try—it’s worth the effort! With practice, you can learn to notice your own negative self-talk as it happens, and consciously choose to think about the situation in a more realistic and helpful way.
Dispute the self-talk
Disputing your self-talk means challenging the negative or unhelpful aspects of your thinking. Doing this enables you to feel better and to respond to situations in a more helpful way.
Once you start examining your thoughts, you’ll probably be surprised by how much of your thinking is inaccurate, exaggerated or focused on the negatives of the situation.
Whenever you find yourself feeling depressed, angry, anxious or upset, use this as a signal to reflect on your thinking. A good way to test the accuracy of your perceptions might be to ask yourself some challenging questions. These questions will help you check out your self-talk and see whether your current interpretation is reasonable. It can also help you discover other ways of thinking about your situation. Recognizing that your current way of thinking might be self-defeating—and prevent you from getting what you want out of life—can sometimes motivate you to look at things from a different perspective.
Challenging questions
Ask yourself these four main types of questions:
1. Reality testing
- What evidence supports my thinking? What proof is there that my thinking is false?
- Are my thoughts factual, or are they just my interpretations?
- Am I jumping to negative conclusions?
- How can I find out if my thoughts are actually true?
2. Alternative explanations
- Are there any other ways that I could look at this situation?
- What else could the situation mean?
- If I were being positive, how would I perceive this situation?
3. Perspective
- Is this situation as bad as I’m making out to be?
- What’s the worst thing that could happen? How likely is that?
- What’s the best thing that could happen?
- What’s most likely to happen?
- Is there anything good about this situation?
- Will this matter in five years?
4. Goal-directed thinking
- Is thinking this way helping me feel good or achieve my goals?
- What can I do that will help me solve the problem?>/li>
- Is there something I can learn from this situation to help me in the future?
For more tips on ways to challenge negative or faulty thinking, check out the Common thinking errors fact sheet. For more information about self talk, check the Self-talk fact sheet.
Acknowledgement:
This fact sheet comes from Taking Charge! A Guide for Teenagers: Practical Ways to Overcome Stress, Hassles and Upsetting Emotions by Dr. Sarah Edelman and Louise Rémond.
Foundation for Life Sciences, 2005
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Brandon CYou would be really surprised how many people actually do this. I have even done it before. This is how i think about it when i start to talk or think negative things. If you think you will lose you probably will. Thinking is doing and if you think you will fail you just might.
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onehawki like your comment
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Brandon CThose are some great ways to help with putting yourself down.
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Britt AliGood advice… I’d also “listen” for the different intonations of your thinking voice—that interior monologue you think in. Usually you can kinda tell when listining to and following through on the “advice” of a certain intonation is going to get you in trouble, disturb other people not already in synch with you (like your friends), or make you feel worse than you already do.
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fatima3495I think this is a beautiful idea to help people {i have my own story and im slowly starting to write a book about my situation and how im dealing w/ it . Im hopeing i can get some help to get my story out and help other as well as my self.Ipray to find websites and books dealing w/ these kinds of things . I wanna help to so help me to help you
!
sinceraly
Fa’Tima S. B<3
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Kelliillekthis is what I struggle with the most. Once I starting thinking those negative thoughts they keep going and going and I can’t stop it, even if I want to. My parents think I have ADD which would explain the racing, uncontrollable thoughts. I’m going to be evaluated on Tuesday for it.
I need help. I’m beginning to break and it’s crippling- mentally and physically.
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ReachOut StaffThanks for writing in. It’s a really great first step that you have decided to seek help. It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of stress—it may not seem like it now, but things WILL get better!
Before (during and after) you are in care, it’s important to stay connected to a support system like your family and friends. Some people find that having conversations with those that love and care about them, and doing other things to take your mind of your thoughts like playing a sport or reading a book can help ease the stress it sounds like you are having with racing thoughts. You can find out some ways that others have dealt with these struggles here http://us.reachout.com/the_fac...
Again, it’s a really good thing that you are reaching out, and don’t forget that there are people who love and care about you!
Warmly,
Alex D.
ReachOut Crew
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SharonHI hope you made out well. God Bless. Lots of people really do care
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Becky PierceNegative self-image is one of the worst things about me. Throughout my life, I have been bullied by my older sister. She always told me how ugly and worthless I am. And starting in middle school, fellow students started bullying me as well. Soon, I started believing all them.. After 23 years of this, I developed Borderline Personality Disorder. I am now in therapy for my BPD and am always working on how I can stop negative thinking. It’s taken me a long time to realize, but I am beautiful and I am a worthy person. There are many times I may not feel like it, but deep down I know I am. And you are too.
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Ellie SchultzOne habit I have is talking down on myself and relying on others to do positive thinking for me, but being that most of my friends are sarcastic they usually just agree with my negative self-talk thinking it’ll have a reverse psychology effect, but it just makes me feel worse. Positive self-talk is really hard. I’m always expecting the worst to happen, but deep down inside I know the worst only happens because I make it happen by thinking so negatively. It’s self-defeating and an ugly cycle. I want it to stop.
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Rose3Vyour friends most likely really care about you and think that ur a great person inside and out. even though they dont show it with their comments you have to keep reminding yourself that thats the type of people they are. and i understand its hard to do that. for most of my life ive looked down on myself and would take anyhting anyone said very personally. i didnt have anyone tell me that i actually made good decisions or that i was pretty or smart. i felt worthless in the end. i got into a lot of bad situations to try making myself feel better. but it only made things worse. it was a strange phenomenon but for me talking to friends and asking them a simple question like: can u tell me what u honestly think is the best thing about me? that really helped. it made me realize the good things people saw in me. i tried practically feeding off of it. go ahead and go after that good feeling whenever u get it. then u have to truly believe in it. those comments were the stepping stones for my self esteem and maybe it can be yours too
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EmmyloohooThis helps me so so much, as I talk down to myself and I don’t know why but I simply cannot think of myself as okay. I have a terrible self-image, always have..
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FawnerI have a situation with my work place. I knew alot of people who work there before I worked there, so we have a I guess you could say personal relationship. The only thing is they dont seperate that when we’re at work and they constantly bring up things at work that should be talked about. And one guy in particular is constantly trying to embarass me. Its affecting me so much that I am looking for a new job. I absolutely dread coming to work. Not to mention the things they write on facebook. I guess I’m not sure how to handle this situation. They are my friends but once they start in on the teasing it really gets to me and i dont know how to tell them that its bothering me that much.
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ReachOut StaffHi Fawner, this definitely sounds like your friends not acting professional while at work have escalated into more of a harassment, borderline bullying situation, especially since it’s gotten to the point where you dread going in and are even looking for another job. You don’t deserve to go through it any more, even if they think it’s just teasing. If they are your friends, then hopefully letting them know how their behavior is affecting you will put an end to it. See this for help: http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/what-to-do-if-you-are-being-bullied If it. doesn’t work, or if you just can’t tell them yourself, you might want to rethink your friendship; see this for help in assessing your relationships: http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/assessing-a-relationship If it.’s not resolved, you should definitely speak to your Human Resources person, or at least your supervisor. They are obligated to protect you from harassment and certainly should do something about the others’ behavior. They might even help you with ways of talking with them first, before they have to step in. But definitely let someone know what’s going on; don’t let other people dictate your life! Good luck!
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Elijah27I have an issue with my self confidence and perspective. I play sports, and the one thing I want in life is to be successful. Have a better life for my children that i had although I can’t complain too much about mine. But when I’m do something I get angry. I get angry because I try as hard as I possibly can only to be out done by someone else who is barley trying. I get angry and upset and myself because I’m not doing as good and i feel like I just can’t do any better. I push and push only to get beat everytime and it’s frustrating. I get heated and mad at everyone around me even thought I’m only mad at myself. I get mad because I feel like I’m not good enough, I get mad because I feel I can’t do any better, I get mad at myself because I feel like there are just so many things I could have done and missed, and it’s beginning to take it’s toll.
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ReachOut StaffHey there -
The really good thing here is that you recognize this anger as a problem and you want to do something positive to help yourself. There are a lot of good strategies for managing anger - things you can learn to do. It will probably take a few sessions working with a mental health professional who can show you the skills and how to practice them. You are right on track reading the tips on this fact sheet. You might also want to check out the section on ReachOut about Finding People to Help and Support You. http://us.reachout.com/get-help/finding-people-to-help-and-support-you Anoth.er good place to begin might be your school counselor if you have one at your school - or if you are in college, your campus counseling center. Hang in there, with some work you can MANAGE your anger.
All the best,
The ReachOut Crew
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TurqiouseTigerI’ve had these thoughts forever. For as long as I can remember. I was verbally abused as a child, and sometimes physically, I never thought those things stuck with me, but they did and they effect my relationships with others negitavely. I used to think I could hurt myself as long as I did not hurt others. This led to a long relationship with a girlfriend who was a nice person but I couldn’t love her when I didn’t love myself. Every moment with her hurt me deeply inside. Thats just an example. I think I am finally overcoming these thoughts. I realized that I am stronger internally than I originally believed, I’ve been through a lot but the fact that I accept that I can move on and take care of myself shows that I am stronger than what has happened to me. And that negative ideas about myself do not define me. I don’t blame the people that said unkind things to me, I do not blame anyone, I think it got to the point where I needed to own up to the fact that by blaming and being spiteful I was only hurting myself. I think that what I’ve gotten out of this is that being a victim does not better a situation. You’ll be amazed at the strength inside of you and what you can achieve.
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TurqiouseTigerI’ve done things like participating in sports and going for psychiatric help, these things taught me valuable lessons about my inner strength and ability to care for myself. And my family and friends are important as well, a good hug always helps :p. I am by no means over this whole thing, but I think I’m headed in the right direction.