Interview: Kevin Hansen, Founder, SecretRegrets.com

by Meredith Community

It has been said that a secret hurts to tell. Kevin Hansen’s new book, Secret Regrets Vol.1 , is evidence that regrets and actions in the past really weigh heavily on many people who may never reveal how they are truly feeling. A collection of posts and comments from people of all ages from the blog Secret Regrets, the book also shows the power that everyday people can have when they reach out to people in pain. Reading the book and posts made me realize how powerful just one website can be to millions of people. I asked Kevin some questions about starting his blog, handling the selection process for his book and how posting regrets on the internet is really changing the way we are able to help each other. 

Alex: In the preface to your book, you mention “how powerful ‘looking back’ can be as the first step in ‘moving forward’ ” as a goal of your project. What inspired you to spread this message?

Kevin: We’ve all had those major “Uh-huh” moments in life where we step back and say “What was I thinking?” But it’s how we react to those situations that helps define our character. Sometimes we just can’t seem to break free from a past decision or reaction. So when a regret starts to hold you back, it’s time to find a way to let the regret go. And that’s what the Secret Regrets project has done for so many people—giving them permission to look back, acknowledge the pain of their past, and allow them to make a conscious decision to move forward to a promising future.

A: It’s really cool how some of the posts are done by teens and young adults and often times older people will comment to let them know that someone has been there before and came through the other end. Is there an equal mix of ages that post on the blog?

K: I wouldn’t say the mix of ages is equal, but nearly every generation is represented. When someone older offers a supportive comment or advice, you know they are speaking from the heart—from real-life experience and a genuine concern and desire to help. It’s interesting to see younger people appreciate the perspective that someone older can bring—and for older people to be reminded of how it was when they were younger and dealing with similar issues.

A: How did you choose posts to include in your book?! This seems like a very difficult task.

K: Choosing which Secret Regrets to include in the book was a very, very difficult task! There have been more than 10,000 posts on the website, and I’ve read each and every one of them. More than once. For the book, I selected some regrets because they represented common postings—so I knew there were a lot of people who needed help dealing with those kinds of issues. Issues like self-harm, depression, drug abuse, anorexia, and suicide. Other regrets were chosen because of the responses given in the comments. There have been so many fantastic responses that really speak from the heart—responses that are full of hope, inspiration, and unconditional support. Some posts are just so-well written that you can actually feel what the poster is feeling. And some just have that OMG factor that you have to read twice to make sure you read it right the first time!

A: Many people reach out to support people who post their regrets on your site. Do you think some people are more inclined to help others online than in the real world?

K: That’s a great question. In the real world, it’s often too difficult to correctly identify the real problems people are dealing with. On the Secret Regrets site, all of the false pretenses, the masks we put on, and the barriers we put up are stripped away. What’s left is  the raw, honest reality of what’s really going on. I think that allows people to feel like they can address the real issues that are at the core of each regret. In the real world, we often never get the opportunity to go that deep.

A: Now that secret regrets has become so popular, are you planning any new projects for young people?

K: I think there’s a lot left for the Secret Regrets project to accomplish. I believe we’ve only scratched the surface. Everyday, someone new discovers the power of healing that comes from revealing. And new people with new perspectives continue to discover how they can use their life experiences to help others who appear to be hopeless. Like the college student who regrets getting an abortion because her boyfriend said that’s the only way he would stay with her (and then left her anyway)—sends a strong message for others who might find themselves in a similar situation. There are countless other stories to be told, lives to be changed, and even lives to be saved.

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You can check out some of the Secret Regret videos on their YouTube channel. Secret Regrets has kindly offered a contribution from the sales of Secret Regrets Vol.1 to ReachOut, ; you can also help us to reach out to more people by voting for ReachOut to host a panel at the SXSW Interactive, where we will raise awareness about the ReachOut message and give some awesome people a chance to show how the internet can make us happy in a meaningful way.

UPDATE: For every Secret Regrets book purchased from the publisher before August 31, 2010, Secret Regrets will donate $3 to ReachOut.com!

Credits: Top photo by superfantastic
              Bottom photo by loudestnoise