Don’t Be Afraid to Be Afraid

by RO_Admin Family, Mental Health

Today's guest post is from ReachOut Council member Zach. Given that Halloween is right around the corner, fear seemed like an appropriate emotion to address on ReachOut.  Zach is also managing the ReachOut Tumblr.

Before we begin, let’s talk about what fear even is. Fear is a natural response by the brain to the presence of a perceived threat. The fact is that fear is the trigger for one of the most innate and important human reactions, the “fight or flight” response. So fear is in no way a bad thing in and of itself. The problem is that so many of us fail to see its benefits.

For most people, myself included, our first reaction to fear is to decide that whatever is causing that fear is not worth pursuing. We see fear as a signal that the thing that is ahead of us is dangerous, and we should not desire it. But consider this: it has been proven that people who actively face their fears on average live happier lives than everyone else. So those who allow themselves to desire the very thing they are afraid of are happy. Seems pretty simple to me. But most of the population does not live this way. Why is that?

Because facing your fears is hard.

In fact just the thought of facing your fears is terrifying. At least it is for me. That’s the crazy thing about fear, it prevents us from acting just through its existence. But that’s what makes it so satisfying when you take a chance. You defeat two fears through one action! Every time I’ve taken a risk and done something I was afraid to do I was glad I did*.  It didn’t always turn out the way I wanted it to, but I was always glad I did it. In fact, the best times of my life have been the results of actions I took in defiance of my fears. So really, doesn’t this emotion tell us that what we desire is worthwhile? It is not a bad thing to be afraid, how else do we know that we are on the precipice of something great?

This was not a lesson that I learned easily. I have never been very close with my parents, emotionally. I know that I love them, and I’ve always known that they will be there for me, but until a few years ago I never, EVER, talked to them about my feelings. I was terrified of letting them know anything, and to this day I have no idea why. It was an irrational fear, one which was based on no prior experiences. And for 15 years, it didn’t pose much of a problem. There were the occasional fights that went unresolved, but really nothing negative came of it. But one day I just started to feel sad, for no real reason. And before I knew it, I felt like I was drowning. I knew that I needed to get into therapy and start taking anti-depressants, but in order to do that I would have to let my parents know that I was depressed. I would have to talk to them about my feelings, and to me that was the scariest thought in the world. I started to call in sick to work because I couldn’t force myself to get out of bed.

Finally, I called in sick so much that they had no choice but to let me go. This was my wake up call. After that happened I realized that if I was to make any positive changes in my life, I had to face my fear and talk to my parents. Honestly it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, and I wasn’t able to do it instantly. I talked myself up, I talked to my friends about it, I read every article I could get my hands on in order to get the courage to get the help I needed. But let me tell you, when I finally did it, I immediately felt a weight lift from my shoulders. It was incredible. And afterwards, I really didn’t understand what I was so afraid of. My parents were understanding and got me help as soon as they could. I realized I really had no reason to fear it in the first place. I think that’s the case with most fears. Once we face them we realize how silly they really are. And you know what? Ever since I talked about my feelings with my parents that first time, it’s been easier every single time.

October is always filled with frightening images and stories and haunted houses. It is the month of spooky movies and scary stories. So here is my challenge to all of you: face at least one of your greatest fears this month. Don’t let it control you anymore, take control of it. Because no matter how it turns out, you will know that you own your life. And trust me, once you do it for the first time, all the other times become much easier! And when you’re done, don’t forget to submit your story to ReachOut!

*Let me take a moment to clarify this: take healthy risks. Don’t take risks that endanger your well-being, or that of anyone you know. Not sure what I mean? Not sure what is a healthy risk and what isn’t? Check out this fact sheet on risk taking.

What are you most of afraid of and what has helped you to conquer your fears?

Photo by Zoe