ReachOut Blog

When to Start Talking About Dating Violence

by Meredith Relationships

First relationships are usually a learning experience. By dating another person, you get to know more about yourself and what it means to be a good partner. Unfortunately, sometimes these early lessons come from negative examples.  New research out of the Start Strong: Building Healthy Teen Relationships initiative shows that many middle schoolers are dating and experiencing physical, psychological and digital dating abuse.

According to the study of 1,430 seventh grade students, three-quarters of students had already had a boyfriend or girlfriend, more than one in three (37%) said they'd been a victim of 'psychological dating violence' (such as being forbidden to hang out with their friends), and nearly one in six (15%) said they'd suffered 'physical dating violence.' And the issue wasn't just limited to violence against girls. Students actually tended to see violence against boys as more acceptable — half of students said it would sometimes be okay for a girl to hit her boyfriend, such as if he "makes his girlfriend jealous on purpose.” Only 7% said a boy could hit his girlfriend in the same situation.

The good news is the study also found that nearly three-quarters of students were talking to their parents about dating and teen dating violence. This type of communication is key when it comes to reducing the risk for teen dating violence, and it's not all that can be done!

Like Start Strong, we believe friends, schools and communities can all play a part in the conversation around what makes a healthy relationship strong and how to spot the warning signs of an abusive relationship (possessiveness, jealousy, put downs, threats).  The first step is to just start talking...

What do you think about starting discussions around dating and dating violence at an earlier age? When did you first start talking about these topics? And with who? Share your thoughts in comments.

Also, check out our related fact sheets about assessing your relationship, maintaining a healthy relationship and dealing with and ending an abusive relationship.

For more information on teen dating violence, also check out our friends at Love Is Respect.

Photo from Start Strong press release

‘Forever Alone’ on February 14?

by Meredith Moods, Relationships

With Valentine's Day right around the corner, there's a lot of pressure out there to be in a couple. If you're single, it might make you feel sad, lonely or simply excluded. You're not the only one! In today's guest post, ReachOut Council member Brandon addresses the common challenges and shares how he plans to navigate the holiday. Be sure to read his bio at the end of the post!

Walking past the Valentine’s Day section at the store can be really depressing when you feel have no one to celebrate it with. Sometimes you may feel like you’ll never find anyone, that you'll end up like the popular internet meme, “Forever Alone.” My name’s Brandon, and just like many other teens, I will be spending this holiday alone. It’s totally understandable why we get ourselves bummed out. There are the cards, flowers, chocolate, and fancy dates. And for some of us, it's just about feeling wanted. Well, when next week rolls around, try to gain a different perspective on the holiday. I know I have.

Although the history of the holiday has been masked by greeting card companies, it can generally be described as a day where you show your appreciation for loved ones. How we interpret "loved ones" is completely up to us. It could be your boyfriend/girlfriend, or it could be a family member, a friend, or anyone really. Instead of us focusing on how we don’t have the former, we should take that time and thank our friends and family for how much they mean to us and how much we love them.

Here are some valid (and some comical) reasons why being single can be beneficial:

- You can concentrate on doing things you enjoy. You don’t have to worry about pleasing someone else, so you can focus on yourself. Maybe finish reading that book you’ve always wanted to read or start up a new activity.

- Your decisions only affect you and don’t involve a partner's wants, needs or contradictory opinion. If you want to go to a certain restaurant, go for it. You have no one holding you back, no one you have to consult with first.

- You can save a lot of money. Let’s face it, relationships cost a lot of money. The dates, the presents, the clothes to look good, the gas money; it all adds up. When you’re, single you get to keep it all for yourself.

And when February 14 does roll around next week, here are some ideas thought up by all of us at ReachOut of what you can do instead:

"Make a date with friends!" –Chloe

"Buy those corny little kid valentines for your friends. It's not just a celebration of romantic love!"–Catherine

"Give your parents or best friend flowers and tell them how much you love them! Do something nice for yourself!" –Nich

"Do a nice thing and baby sit for a couple that can't get out that night because of kids." –Catherine

"Have a’ Single’s Awareness’ party with your friends where you just hang out, eat, and most importantly, have fun." - me

So just remember, no matter how you spend your Valentine’s Day this year, remember that you ARE loved by more people than you know, and just because you haven’t found the ‘right’ guy or girl yet, doesn’t mean you won’t!

Finally, you can check out these fact sheets and real stories that may also help you get through the holiday:

I'm single and I'm happy
Having difficulty finding the right person for you
Overcoming loneliness
Boys are confusing
Focus on who you are

Photo by Mandy Sousa

How do you plan to celebrate (or not!) Valentine's Day single or with your sweetie?

About Brandon
My name is Brandon. I am 17 years old and am currently a junior in high school. When I am not occupied with my part-time job or on my social networks (Facebook, Twitter, & Tumblr), I find myself active in National Honor Society, Rotary Interact, and Big Brothers Big Sisters all through my school. Outside of school, I volunteer at our local food pantry, am a student election judge, and am a worship leader at my church.  I look forward to helping those who are going through things similar to what I did, and to help then realize: I’ve been there. I’ve made it through. And I am now stronger than I ever thought I was before.

Teens Sharing Online Passwords: Devotion or Dangerous?

by RO_Admin Friends, Relationships, Sexting

Is sharing your password with a boyfriend or girlfriend an expression of devotion or something you might later regret or both? The New York Times published this story about teenagers who share their passwords as a sign of trust. They reported that according to the Pew Internet and American Life Project, "30 percent of teenagers who were regularly online had shared a password with a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend. The survey, of 770 teenagers aged 12 to 17, found that girls were almost twice as likely as boys to share."

With teenagers growing up living so much of their social lives online, it's easy to see how this digital act of sharing a password can take on a deeper emotional meaning. That said, couples break up, sometimes badly, as do friendships. And the article does include a few cautionary tales of password sharing gone bad, resulting in cyberbullying or spying. It makes the case that the more adults tell teenagers not do to it, the more teenagers feel like it's something they want to do.

What do you think about sharing online passwords? Have you done it before? Do you regret it or would you do it again? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

Also, check out our related fact sheets about assessing your relationship (before you do anything as trusting as sharing a password!), cyberbullying and how to survive an embarrassing event just in case you shared, and it went badly!

Photo by DLSimaging

Sex Ed Online And On Your Phone

by RO_Admin Health, Relationships

For most of us, if we want to know something about anything, we just Google it, right? That includes finding out info on sex that you want to know but maybe are embarrassed to ask someone. We saw this article in the New York Times about some different ways teenagers are getting answers to questions about sex from reliable sources (always a challenge to find when you're "Googling"!). We thought we would highlight some of the services mentioned, add a few others and point out some great fact sheets right here on ReachOut. Good information is out there, and we want you to get connected to it so you can make the positive choices when it comes to sex and sexuality.

ICYC (In Case You're Curious) - a way to text a question and get an answer from Planned Parenthood within 24 hours
Sex Etc. - Sex ed by teens for teens produced by The Answer Project
Bedsider.org - a site about birth control including SMS reminders from the Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unwanted Pregnancy.
Scarleteen - sex ed for the real world
Dear Trevor - a way to email the Trevor Project with questions surrounding being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning
Teen Source - great resource for info on STDs, birth control and clinics in California

We also have a great collection of fact sheets about sex on ReachOut including:

A Girl's Guide to Sex Myths
A Guy's Guide to Sex Myths
Thinking About Having Sex
Losing Your Virginity

Where do you go when you have questions about sex?

Image by je@n

It’s Your Birthday: Birthdays Reborn on Facebook?

by Meredith Online Networks, Relationships

On your birthday, what's the first thing you look forward to doing? Checking the mailbox? Eating breakfast? If you've got an account on Facebook, chances are there are a few birthday messages on there! 

Among other revolutions, Facebook has arguably changed the way people celebrate birthdays. Your friends can be sent handy reminders (internet veterans may remember Birthday Alarm), people can give you props on your birthday from almost anywhere in the world, and you can even get vrbirthday cakes. So even if you can't meet all your friends at once in person, you can at least hear from them!

Sometimes, this effect can work against you. If you are worried about which or how many of your friends posted on your wall during your birthday, you might feel rejected or ignored. If this is the case, take these tips into consideration, and don't let it rain on your parade!

Celebrate You It's always nice to hear a kind word from a friend, family member or even a stranger, but Facebook posts can't make up for celebrating yourself and what you already have. It's your day, so remember what makes you special. Maybe your friends had a reason not to post and they prefer to get in touch with you in other ways.

Express Yourself Listen to some music, dance in the street or do whatever it is that helps you express yourself and get your feelings out

Get Out Getting outside, talking to people and changing your environment are good ways of keeping your mood positive.

Does getting posts on your wall for your birthday make you feel like #1? What cool things have you done for someone on their birthday?

Top photo by pinksherbert