ReachOut Blog

What Makes a Good Friend?

by Meredith Friends

What does it take to be a BFF? Over on teen virtual world, Habbo, we asked a couple questions about the meaning of friendship and wanted to share some of the great answers with ReachOut fans.  We weren't surprised to hear trust, support and loyalty come up again and again. What do you think friendship means? Feel free to add your own thoughts and experiences in comments! 

What does it mean to be a good friend to someone?

“To always be there with them through thick and thin. To be a good listener and have a good time with each other.”

“Being a good friend to someone is listening to their problems, standing up for them, is being someone they can trust.”

“It is always important to be there for something if they are having problems, you have always got their back and like them for the way they are.”

“Be trustworthy. Always be there for them and help them with their problems. Have laugh with them and never make them feel bad about themselves. Tell them the truth whether it’s what they want to hear or not.”

Share an experience where you were really there for someone or someone was really there for you.

“Well... When I broke my arm it was hard because I couldn’t do ALL the things they could do. So my friend stayed with me and made the best of it. He really cheered me up, and after a while with his help I could do some things with my cast on because he tried and tried to make my cast work. That’s my story and I will never forget it.”

“When my grandpa passed away a few months ago, I was surrounded by love. Everybody took into consideration how I was feeling and allowed me to have my space and talk when I was ready.”

“When my friend lost his mum as a young teen. I was there to be with him, support him, and to make his memory of her a happy one.”

Also, check out these fact sheets on what makes a healthy friendship:
Friendships
Meeting New People
Coping With Peer Problems

Photo by epSos.de

Create a Facebook App to Help Teens Stand Up Against Cyberbullying!

by Meredith Online Networks, School

Speaking out against cyberbullying takes courage, support... and smart, simple digital tools teens will actually use! To inspire all of the above, ReachOut, with the support of the ESA (Entertainment Software Association Foundation), has launched the National “Don’t Just Stand By” Teen Facebook App Developer Competition. We're inviting young programmers between 13-17 years old to develop a Facebook application that empowers bystanders of cyberbullying to take action.

Through May 25, we'll be accepting entries designed to reach potential bystanders of cyberbullying incidents who are between the ages of 14-24. The goal of each project should be to increase an overall understanding of what cyberbullying is and include a specific call to action for witnesses of online ridicule or harassment.  The winner of the competition will receive $2,000 plus five hours of virtual mentorship from an adult programmer matched according to the type of app developed. Second place wins $1,500 and the third place winner gets $500 -- both will also be matched with mentors.

Why bystanders? Because research shows cyberbullying occurs most frequently in the presence of bystanders who choose to merely watch the events unfold instead of doing something. According to Pew Internet’s August 2011 Tracking Survey, two-thirds of teens who have witnessed online cruelty have also witnessed others joining in – and 21% say they have also joined in the harassment. To end cyberbullying, these bystanders must be inspired to speak up.

We strongly believe in the ability of young people to reverse this trend through brainpower, solidarity and technology and look forward to what comes of this call to action! Good luck!

To help get started, check out our fact sheets on cyberbullying:
Bystanders role in cyberbullying
Cyberbullying

For more information and rules about Reach Out’s National “Don’t Just Stand By” Teen Facebook App Developer Competition, please visit: http://www.reachout.com/contest.

Wondering Which Came First: Bullying or Depression?

by Meredith Friends, Mental Health, School

After attending the launch of the Born This Way Foundation in Boston last week, we wanted to share this powerful and personal guest post from Youth Council Member Meredith Schneider on her experience with bullying growing up. Be sure to check out her bio at the end! 

Adolescence is a time when self-confidence is being tested—no one knows who they are or where they are going. Comfort zones are beginning to be tested, and people do not know how to react to the changes around them. So sometimes... they lash out.

When I was in high school, I didn’t date. I was super involved in school and extracurricular activities—my idea was to work hard enough to go to an amazing college. I spent all of my time building toward my future, and it ended up taking me places. But, because I didn’t date, people made fun of me. People questioned my sexuality, calling me a lesbian just because I never had a boyfriend. This spiraled into other claims and jabs at my personality, including making fun of the fact that I am a twin. And then the same people who made fun of my personality started to make fun of my looks because I was too nice to retaliate.

During my sophomore year of high school, I cried for the first time in front of my classmates. I decided—after having my life threatened over the internet because of the size of my nose—that it was finally time to not be the nice girl anymore. I changed my attitude because of the way that people treated me. I spiraled down into depression that was not outwardly acknowledged and diagnosed until my sophomore year of college.

I’d like to say I know the answer to the question of what comes first, bullying or depression. I can say that what came first for me was the bullying. But some people are genetically predisposed to depression. It turns out that I was, but that it didn’t trigger until later in life. The truth is that it doesn’t matter if you are meant to be depressed or not. No one deserves to be bullied for being who they are.

Gay, depressed, lesbian, transgender, straight, smart, disabled, depressed, multiple, calm, intense… work it. And don’t dwell on the chicken or the egg. Eventually, most people will grow up and move past it either on their own or by getting help.

For extra reading on the topic of bullying, check out these related links:
For Straight Kids Who Don't Act Straight, It Gets Worse (GOOD)
Are depressed kids bully magnets? (CNN)

To learn more about depression and genetics, visit this website:
Major Depression and Genetics (Stanford)

And for fact sheets on these topics, check out:
What to do if you are being bullied
Cyberbullying
What to do if someone you know is being bullied
What is girl vs. girl bullying

Photo by lenifuzhead

About Meredith

My name is Meredith, and I was born in Kansas City, Missouri.  I spent half of my childhood in Sacramento, CA, and then moved back to KC, where I have been immersed in the NFL and NBA because of my parents’ jobs.  I graduated from the University of San Diego a year and a half early with a Communication Studies degree, and am back in the KC area taking a break from life and working part-time for a beauty store.  I have a twin sister and a younger brother, as well as a “puppy” named Kali.  I love to write, act, sing, and go on silly little adventures with my friends.  Music is my life.  I enjoy scrapbooking, home improvement projects, and am a very creative person in general.  I can’t wait to make an impression on the ReachOut community and to be inspired by all of you!

The Value of Volunteering

by Meredith Community, Volunteering

Today's guest post is from young filmmaker Matt Palmer about the personal benefits of volunteering and his documentary on the topic. Don't forget to read his bio at the end of the post!

High school students are unquestionably busy people. A typical high schooler has to balance homework, studying, socializing, and extracurricular activities such as sports, music, or art. There is only so much time in a day! So when I was told that my high school would require me to do community service on top of all of these other things, I wasn’t sure it was even possible. Yet today, almost a year after graduating from college, I am grateful that my school made me do volunteer work. In fact, I am now making a documentary film about the amazing place where I began volunteering six years ago while in high school. It’s safe to say that doing service changed my life.

Going into my senior year of high school, I chose to complete the entirety of my service requirement in one week. This was not unusual, as many students volunteered at week-long summer camps to do the required 50 hours of service during the summer. So, along with several of my friends, I went to Camp ReCreation, a summer camp that serves individuals with developmental disabilities. These disabilities, I was informed at the camp’s training session, ranged from Downs Syndrome to autism to cerebral palsy. I was also told that the camp would be one of the most fun weeks I would ever have. Many students who volunteered there returned year after year, and when I arrived at the camp that summer I saw many alumni of my high school. Despite this, I was very nervous—what if I couldn’t take care of someone for a whole week? What if the person I was paired with didn’t have fun?

After two days at camp my fears evaporated. It was almost impossible to not have fun with these individuals. They were open, loving, and incredibly insightful. They were unbelievable people, and that week made me see life in a whole new way. I have returned to Camp Rec for the past six years and after graduating from film school decided to make a documentary about the camp and the population it serves. I cannot imagine my life without camp and without the incredible people that go to it. Six years ago, I was a high school student reluctant to spend time serving others. Now, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

You can learn more about the documentary I am working on, called Friends of Mine, at www.elsewherepictures.com or by liking the Friends of Mine Facebook page. Also, you can watch the documentary’s promotional video here. Please spread the word about this project! Volunteering is also a great way to gain experience if you're looking for a job! Check out our fact sheet on this for more.

Have you had a volunteer/service experience that changed your life? Share it in the comments!

About Matthew Palmer
Matthew recently completed his final year as an undergraduate student at New York University where he earned a degree in Media Studies and a minor in Film and Television Production. He graduated Cum Laude. He has written, produced, and directed several short films, short documentaries, and music videos. He has also worked on a significant amount of projects as a production assistant, script supervisor, or assistant director. In addition, Matthew has been a volunteer counselor at Camp ReCreation for the last five years.

‘Forever Alone’ on February 14?

by Meredith Moods, Relationships

With Valentine's Day right around the corner, there's a lot of pressure out there to be in a couple. If you're single, it might make you feel sad, lonely or simply excluded. You're not the only one! In today's guest post, ReachOut Council member Brandon addresses the common challenges and shares how he plans to navigate the holiday. Be sure to read his bio at the end of the post!

Walking past the Valentine’s Day section at the store can be really depressing when you feel have no one to celebrate it with. Sometimes you may feel like you’ll never find anyone, that you'll end up like the popular internet meme, “Forever Alone.” My name’s Brandon, and just like many other teens, I will be spending this holiday alone. It’s totally understandable why we get ourselves bummed out. There are the cards, flowers, chocolate, and fancy dates. And for some of us, it's just about feeling wanted. Well, when next week rolls around, try to gain a different perspective on the holiday. I know I have.

Although the history of the holiday has been masked by greeting card companies, it can generally be described as a day where you show your appreciation for loved ones. How we interpret "loved ones" is completely up to us. It could be your boyfriend/girlfriend, or it could be a family member, a friend, or anyone really. Instead of us focusing on how we don’t have the former, we should take that time and thank our friends and family for how much they mean to us and how much we love them.

Here are some valid (and some comical) reasons why being single can be beneficial:

- You can concentrate on doing things you enjoy. You don’t have to worry about pleasing someone else, so you can focus on yourself. Maybe finish reading that book you’ve always wanted to read or start up a new activity.

- Your decisions only affect you and don’t involve a partner's wants, needs or contradictory opinion. If you want to go to a certain restaurant, go for it. You have no one holding you back, no one you have to consult with first.

- You can save a lot of money. Let’s face it, relationships cost a lot of money. The dates, the presents, the clothes to look good, the gas money; it all adds up. When you’re, single you get to keep it all for yourself.

And when February 14 does roll around next week, here are some ideas thought up by all of us at ReachOut of what you can do instead:

"Make a date with friends!" –Chloe

"Buy those corny little kid valentines for your friends. It's not just a celebration of romantic love!"–Catherine

"Give your parents or best friend flowers and tell them how much you love them! Do something nice for yourself!" –Nich

"Do a nice thing and baby sit for a couple that can't get out that night because of kids." –Catherine

"Have a’ Single’s Awareness’ party with your friends where you just hang out, eat, and most importantly, have fun." - me

So just remember, no matter how you spend your Valentine’s Day this year, remember that you ARE loved by more people than you know, and just because you haven’t found the ‘right’ guy or girl yet, doesn’t mean you won’t!

Finally, you can check out these fact sheets and real stories that may also help you get through the holiday:

I'm single and I'm happy
Having difficulty finding the right person for you
Overcoming loneliness
Boys are confusing
Focus on who you are

Photo by Mandy Sousa

How do you plan to celebrate (or not!) Valentine's Day single or with your sweetie?

About Brandon
My name is Brandon. I am 17 years old and am currently a junior in high school. When I am not occupied with my part-time job or on my social networks (Facebook, Twitter, & Tumblr), I find myself active in National Honor Society, Rotary Interact, and Big Brothers Big Sisters all through my school. Outside of school, I volunteer at our local food pantry, am a student election judge, and am a worship leader at my church.  I look forward to helping those who are going through things similar to what I did, and to help then realize: I’ve been there. I’ve made it through. And I am now stronger than I ever thought I was before.